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throwaway-yandere · 1 year ago

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A/n: ansy speaking, not her. Please. P l e a s e. Don't read ANY of the endings unless you've reached the end of the story in your own way.

Link to the fic.

In the public eye, it's known that you and Gepard were not the closest. Given how harsh his father was to you both, even the spouses were sure that you two had an unspoken rivalry. Expectations for greatness and undying loyalty for the Supreme Guardian had been ingrained so much that everyone thought you both always wanted to outdo the other to gain Mr. Landau's approval.

But that is far from the truth.

"(Y/n)."

"Yes, Captain?"

He looked away, cheeks and ears both red.

"I-Is my hand too cold?"

You smiled vibrantly.

Except for Serval and Pela, no one knew that you and Gepard had been dating for seven years. Lynx must've had a hunch, but you were both skilled enough to dodge suspicions.

Perhaps that's exactly what made your relationship exciting. Loving him was quite an expensive vice, and you relished every second you squandered. He thought the same as you; your pervasive cheerfulness reserved for his eyes only was something he often mentally chastised himself for obsessing so much, but he can't get enough of you. Being his "vixen" had been a label you cherished ever since he confessed his reciprocation of your feelings, especially when he said that you have made him resort to discreet flippancy when he saw other men and women take an interest in you several times.

You were certain he was obsessed with you as much as you were obsessed with him

A secret this big would certainly give Mr. Landau a turn, but when the time comes, you wouldn't mind the slaps and shards of ceramic and glass you'd have to face as long as you get to be with Gepard.

Your hold on his hand tightened. This led you to notice how ringless his fingers were and you frowned. You know Gepard. If you don't tie him down, one of his many fans will beguile and win his unwavering loyalty. That was his nature. And you couldn't accept being "just" some near-servant he was forced to grow up with.

"Not at all, no.”

He liked that response. Gepard flashed you a small lopsided smile that was incredibly attractive given how he rarely shows it to anyone.

"You don't have a ring on you..." You cast your gaze down. "Will we ever have a chance at getting married?"

Gepard ducked his chin, considering his words.

"W-Well, I don't know about that."

Your stomach dropped.

... You get it. You got it from then on.

Despite being together for 7 years– 7 YEARS– He will always prioritize his duties before you. You knew that was the core of his character– loyalty, and obedience– and it's likely the only real similarity between him and Mr. Landau. You’re used to it. However, seeing it confirmed again in this context hurts more than you thought it would.

You dropped his hand, you doubt he notices the absence of your warmth.

"So… the future's uncertain."

"Of course."

You didn't speak. There was no reason to do so. You knew that he was aware of how much you didn’t like his response.

Admittedly, Gepard's hands were always cold. It'd be funny to utter false romances on how perfectly warm his hands are when it feels like he walked straight out of a freezer. Today, his hands were ice, and so was his heart.

“(Y/n), I have something I’d like to tell you…”

Gepard gulped, ashamed.

“The truth is… You frighten me.”

…

"What…?"

You tilted your head, chuckling. His words didn't make much sense, especially when he was holding you so delicately.

"What do you mean?"

"Perhaps the proper phrasing is that I'm... afraid," Gepard looked away. "Of what's in store for us in the future... Should we continue this route."

You blinked.

"We are not in the Ministry of Education. Be more concise."

"I'm afraid to love you as much as you love me."

...

"... That doesn't answer anything."

"I'm afraid that I'll lose my sanity, being so close to you like this, holding you like this" he tightened his grip. "I'm afraid I'd lose my– myself, my hold on reality, my–"

"Name."

You let go.

"You're afraid that being in a relationship with me will end up getting you disowned. You're afraid of loving me because you have a duty you're obliged to uphold, especially since you're of noble blood and I am just an orphan your father picked up, right? You're afraid to get attached because growing up you've witnessed how little I'm worth. How I lived not like a human child, but a pawn, right? How– despite my skills– I will never be promoted based on my background and upbringing, yes?"

"(Y/n)..."

"Enough, Captain."

You laughed cruelly. Your breathing rehearsed– your face stiff as a board.

"Let's just forget we ever had this talk."

“Through highs and lows, we’ll always prevail,

Hand-in-hand, we’ll conquer any trail…"

You kept a fixed gaze on Gepard as he continued to sit in his cozy office chair. The unsettling aura that permeated your entire existence didn't appear to trouble him too much. He was aware of why you had come, but he was unable to express himself as he let you in.

"Gepard."

His suspicions were correct. You weren't here for official matters. This visit was personal.

And he is the one at fault here.

"(Y/n)."

"Don't." You shook your head. "Don't get me started."

"Well, what is it that you wish for me to say?"

"Say that you didn't want it." You spoke, unfettered. "Say that you don't want us to be siblings."

"I don't."

"Then why?" You laughed breathlessly. "Why did you let father– your father do this?"

"I don't– I didn't let him do it. It's just the way it is. They want you as the official third Landau, that is all."

"That's all I am to you? A rival to heirdom?"

"(N/n)..." He covered his mouth with his hand; his stare melancholic yet enraged. “You know it’s not true. Take it back.”

"But ultimately, our relationship means nothing but a waste of time." You shook your head. "It would've hurt less if you just rejected me early on. It wouldn't be this fucking painful."

"I know."

You raised your axe.

"Of course you do. You always were sharp." You scoffed. He gulped as the rough edges of your laughter struck a chord in his chest– Gepard had never heard you cackle this much.

Strange how the same axe that used to bring him security on the frontlines now overwhelms him with obvious dread.

"At this point, I'm so convinced this pain I'm feeling right now– it's intentional. All a way to keep yourself amused under the guise of upholding the family’s orders."

"(Y/n)." he attempted to speak your name firmly, but there was a quiver by the end of it. "Stand down."

Gepard breathed in.

“I… I can always help you find a match–”

“YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?! I DON’T NEED A MATCH. I JUST WANT YOU!!!”

Your breathing no longer seemed "rehearsed"– resoundingly jagged and feral. Should Gepard be lucky enough to have an outsider witness his final moments, they would've seen how you were crumbling– every inch displaying how you were expiring out of heartbreak.

He gave you half a smile as he approached cautiously. Gepard had always been keenly observant– able to deduce who true criminals were by a single testimony– and you do not have that advantage.

"(N/n)..."

"Why…?"

The glint in your eye as you hoisted your axe upward never left.

"Did you ever... love me back?" You cracked. "In all our years together, sneaking out— carefully unscrewing your windows just to go wherever– did you ever think about us? Or... Or were you just kind this whole time? Were you just afraid of breaking my heart?"

Gepard shook his head, walking towards you with heavy footsteps. He took your shoulders and stared at you dead in the eye, his eyes watering.

"N-No...! No, no, I love you, more than you think. It’s why I’m doing this. I— I love you so much that I knew if I– If I let myself go," he gulped. “I might end up killing Dad.”

"Then why?" You sobbed, wiping your tears quickly to save face. "Why are you giving me up so easily?"

"(Y/n)... What I feel for you just isn't normal." He smiled crookedly. “No sane son would constantly dream about suffocating his father with a pillow just to be with someone. This isn’t right anymore. I-I don’t think I’m sane.”

Gepard cupped your cheeks.

His hands were cold. As it always was.

"I want you all to myself and it's... I can't. I can't say it out loud. It feels like a crime against Belobog." He leaned in, touching his forehead against yours. Gepard closed his eyes, worried that if he continued to face you, he'd dissolve into nothing.

The great Captain Gepard Landau, adored by many, was scared of himself.

"I'm always paranoid. I'm scared of watching you– watching you succeed. It's not a person I'm supposed to be. I'm your Captain, I should be happy whenever others imply your promotion but I'm not! I'm– I don't even understand why!!! I’m unhappy when other people have your attention– I just don't want to see that look of fixation in your eyes for another man– I don't want you to look at people like Sampo Koski over— over..."

… me.

With a perverse mixture of mischief and rivalry, Sampo manipulated circumstances that engineered chance encounters with you. He strategized himself in your path, feigning coincidental meetings while leaving a trail of subtle clues only you would realize.

Gepard despises acknowledging it, but he is quite certain that Sampo Koski's strategy of losing from the start is what led to your imminent promotion. Irritatingly, you don't seem to care for his creepy antics and his upfront need for your attention, even inside metallic confinement. In Gepard's eyes, your irritated grin showed that you were taking pleasure in Sampo's "comedic" performances. You don't appear to be bothered by Sampo. Gepard is not identical.

And to this, your dear Captain was starting to see his father when looking in the mirror.

A bitter old man with little patience when another person touches what’s his.

Gepard breathed in shakily.

"I don't... want… And that’s why I am not fit to be your lover. You deserve a life much better than this. A life where our opportunities are the same– and I cannot give you that Landau name, but my parents can."

He dropped his trembling hands as they led to his sides. Gepard faced the floor, ashamed with his conscience dirtied. It's as though he's dumping all his dirty laundry on you. No matter how much he voices how much these thoughts plague him, he doubts you understand the extent of his love.

But you do. And you feel it more strongly than he does.

"... You don't want to be ruined by love, that's all?"

You sighed, ghost-like.

"I see. Truly, you carry the will of Qlipoth."

Suddenly, you were back to being a model soldier.

Gepard refused to open his eyes.

…

It seemed as though he had forgotten.

How much you resembled his father more than he did.

A scream echoed throughout the vicinity.

No one else heard it but you. Not even Gepard realized that guttural sound came from him.

Always so rehearsed. So calculated.

As Mr. Landau used to say: "With a strength like yours, (Y/n), it'll take two chops before you can take out a limb."

And he was right. He was always right about you.

"(Y-Y/N)!!!"

You blinked slowly.

Time moved slowly. You grabbed the chopped wood on the floor. You tossed it to the side. It's a lot more moist than usual, and heavier as well, like an over-drowned rotting cactus. The temperature must've dropped again. You should consult Lynx about this later.

"Captain. There's not enough wood for the soldiers at the outpost."

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!?!" Gepard screamed. Strangely enough, he sounded like he was in pain.

You blinked again. Why is the Captain so agitated? Is there an emergency?

"What's wrong, Captain?" You voiced out, awfully calm. A silent voice begged you to panic, but you were a soldier first and foremost. How will you protect the people if you're easily swayed by your captain's mood fluctuations?

Gepard shook, holding himself up against his desk. A surge of searing pain coursed through his body as the “chopped wood” was ruthlessly severed. The shock and disbelief enveloped him, no different from a fog. Collapsing to his knees, he clutched the mangled “stump” where his arm once was, blood staining his trembling hand.

Tears mingled with the beads of sweat on his forehead. He gasped for breath. Amid his physical agony, you stood tall, wordlessly threatening to consume him.

"(Y-Y/n)...! P-Please!!!" He yelped in pain.

"Did you hurt yourself? May I see?"

"Y-You..." Tears rolled down Gepard’s face. “W-WHY DID YOU?!?!–”

"Don't worry. You've helped me train on my combat lifesaver course, please allow me."

You took a step forward, hands moist from the “snow”.

His non-dominant hand slapped yours away.

Why didn’t he use his dominant hand?

"D-DON'T!!!"

You stopped.

"Captain. You're being hysterical. Please take deep breaths."

"H-Hah... H-H-Hhahh… H-Hahh, why? H-Hahah…"

Gepard looked down again.

You both stayed there for minutes.

You stood with a worn axe in hand, a single “lumber” at your feet. In your mind, it was a simple task— chopping wood for your comrade’s warmth and comfort in the upcoming expedition. But Gepard's eyes revealed a different story.

You observed his trembling form, his gaze fixed on the place where your swing had connected. What had you missed? You couldn't fathom why he seemed terrified. What had you failed to see? Innocently, you believed you were going about a mundane chore. The weight of the axe felt ordinary in your grip, the act of splitting wood a routine you had performed countless times. How could you have known the magnitude of what had transpired?

But he couldn't turn a blind eye to the truth as you tilted his head up, smiling vibrantly.

"I.. .... ..u."

All he could hear was the syllables “I” and “U.”

You knelt and kissed his cheek. He was wet, probably from the snow. Yes. The snow. Gepard was a clumsy man, he must've stumbled on his way to his office. Mr. Landau had always berated him for his unrefined movements, but you secretly thought it as endearing.

"I.. lo.. ..u. So much, Geppie." You grinned as you sloppily slid the axe in your possession to his remaining hand. "But you need to stop crying. You’re a soldier."

That sentence. It was just like hearing them out of Mr. Landau’s lips.

You pointed at yourself— your thigh— your leg.

"Dry your tears and help me chop wood, okay?"

It took him seconds before he met your gaze.

Your eyes were like staring at the blurry snow beyond the gates of the Administrative district. He knew there must be something there but all that gazed back was foggy and bottomless. The problem is, his vision too was starting to blacken.

He weakly pecked your lips.

“Okay… Okay…”

Gepard laughed mid-tears, his energy draining.

His cries reached a hauntingly high-pitched cry that echoed like metal against metal. His mournful wails never resembled wolfish growls but rather heartbroken cries. His speech resembles the guttural syllables "I" and "U" in an auditory expression of grief.

Like a monster whose flesh was stitched with a Silvermane Guard uniform, he grabbed the axe and began to chant mindlessly.

Gepard remembered Pela said something about this before.

‘When the body loses a substantial amount of blood, it can disrupt the delivery of oxygen to the brain, affecting its function and leading to altered mental states, including distress. Hypovolemic shock can also occur within a matter of minutes to hours after experiencing significant blood loss.’

That's right, that must be it. It was even in his lifesaver training course. As a Captain, how dare he forget about it?

Gepard took the axe with his remaining arm, weakly swinging it as tears rolled in his eyes. His legs are giving up and he’s starting to feel queasy as the world whirls around him,

For a minute there– or the last minutes he would ever have– he finally gave himself the release he needed.

He's been a good child for too long. He couldn't say those three words when you needed motivation. He couldn't whisper when you asked for his relief. He couldn't scream it when you craved its solace.

At least now, he can confess his love when it counted.

“I-I love you, (Y/n).” Gepard harshly took a deep breath as he lowered his arm. He's a soldier. He wasn't supposed to question the orders from his superiors, and right now, you were the only person he looked up to.

The clock struck 10:10.

“I love you, so, so much.”

An eye for an eye, and you were forgiven.

“In our home, you’re always free to stay…”

It was lunchtime when people started returning to their posts. Pela took a half-day, begging Serval to kindly deliver the papers instead of her due to a convention. This was something the now-promoted intelligence officer wished she had never done.

Pela wished she didn't force Serval to witness the gruesome sight of her brother embraced by his cold-eyed murderer.

She couldn't scream. For once, the vocalist had no smart words to say. She let herself run on auto-pilot hauntingly as though it was a mere volunteer job at the orphanage.

Serval avoided staring at your chopped leg and Gepard's arm strewn to the side, neatly sitting together like lumber. Her breathing was abnormal as she clawed her skirt. None of this was real to her. None of this made any sense.

"H-Hey... (Y/n)..."

You looked up.

"W-What… happened?"

"We were just chopping wood." You replied, monotone. “And then he felt sleepy…”

You were starting to feel tired too. You don’t want to stand up anymore.

"Chopping.. w-wood..." Serval's voice cracked as she began to cry. "W-What... for...?"

"The soldiers at the outpost. We have an expedition. I suppose the captain was just too tired to move…"

"O-Oh dear Qlipoth— (Y/N)!!!" Serval felt bile rising to her throat. “GEPARD!!!”

Serval's heart pounded in her chest as she reluctantly sprinted, her steps quick and frantic. There you “sat”, cradling Gepard's lifeless form in your arms, a serene expression on your face.

With shaky hands, she held Gepard alongside you. Large tears soon splotched Gepard’s peaceful expression, painted with his older sister’s grief.

Your gaze met Serval's, and at that moment, the lifeless confusion etched across your face sent a sharp pang of pain through her heart. You spoke, your words tinged with innocence, unaware of how the dried red liquid soaking both your clothes was starting to turn brown.

Painfully, Serval misunderstood your words. In her mind, she envisioned a violent attack, a scenario where someone had assaulted both of you, clouding your judgment and leaving you lost in confusion like a wounded deer. Afterward, she thought of how you must’ve been mad about Gepard’s passiveness concerning their father’s decision, attacking him without much thought.

Serval's cries intensified. Her understanding of the situation clashed with your warped perception.

Did she see you not as a perpetrator but as another sibling caught in an ambush?

Or did she understand what happened, and simply wanted you to get away from the crime you had committed?

Temporarily, her focus was on you. Looking only at Gepard was too much to bear– like another half of herself was burned to sunder.

“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Serval smiled warily and replied in an overly pert tone. “I’ll get a mop— w-we’ll clean this mess, okay? You didn’t do it. You did what you can. You did nothing wrong…”

Serval sobbed.

Either way, she won’t lose another important person in her life.

Not again.

You tilted your head, eyes slowly fluttering shut.

“W-Why are you crying, Serv?”

“(Y/n), i-it’s okay! C-Calm down, calm down. Things just happen. I’ll help you okay? Shhh, d-don’t cry, don’t cry, I'm here… I won’t let you leave me.”

“... Who’s coming to take me away…?”

“N-No, no… I won’t let it happen. They don’t even have to know you were here. P-Pass the mop now, shhh…”

She was speaking to herself more than she was speaking to you.

Even when she is her only conversation partner, Serval was a lousy liar.

But despite all those lies, she knew that she would never recover from losing Gepard.

“Together, we’ll face each passing day…”

Your eyes fluttered open, your body drenched in cold sweat.

You’re out of the back alley.

You breathed shakily. You’re free. And yet, a lingering sense of fear clings to your senses. Gasping for breath, you found yourself in an unfortunately very familiar room. You didn’t know what time it was, but the soft glow of moonlight casting a gentle light across the hospital walls told you what you needed to know. And there, by your side, sat Serval who held your hand the entire time, a mix of relief and concern etched upon her face.

"S-Serval?" Your voice trembled as you whispered her name, still reeling from the remnants of that nightmare.

Serval's eyes widened in surprise, her voice laced with a hint of guilt. "You're awake! Oh, thank– I didn't know what I would do if I lost you."

Not you too.

She continued.

“Seriously, why did you try to escape?”

Her hold on your hand tightened.

Serval’s hands were cold, just like Gepard’s.

“Don’t you know how worried sick I was?” Serval’s voice was airy as if she didn’t want anyone else to hear her concerns. “I thought you and Sampo eloped. Not to mention this whole event about a murder happening at 10:10– I genuinely thought you were dead when we found you lying down near the Golden Theater at that time!”

She took a deep breath.

“I thought you were dead. I genuinely thought I’d lose another sibling.” Serval cried as she pulled you closer, her head now resting on your shoulder. “Don’t scare me like that again!!!”

You gulped, feeling something stuck in your throat.

“Were… you singing?”

“Ah!” Serval’s eyes widened. “Yes, yes I was.”

“I’m sorry, was it too cheesy?” She laughed quietly. “Lynx, Pela, and I are still working on it. We were hoping to perform it for you once you got better. Dunn was even willing to help out.”

This is wrong.

You don’t deserve her kindness. You don’t deserve their affection.

Your obsession with Gepard Landau was consuming, swallowing you whole. With an already fragile mind– he had effectively shattered your mental state, no matter how merciful he had done it.

Human unpredictability is a terrifying variable. Who would’ve known that the unofficial Landau could lose themselves in blind rage and desperation? A hole so deep, you haven’t realized the axe you wielded severed his arm. But such a tragedy was only the beginning. Gepard tore your leg off your body in the process as well.

Most importantly, unable to control both physical and mental anguish, you took his life, extinguishing your raison d’etre.

Finally, the lines between reality and delusion crispened.

In his final moments, what was he thinking about? Why was he smiling as you ripped away his arm? Why did he still hold you so gently? Why did he...

You cried.

“I killed him.”

You shook.

“I killed him, Serval!” You grasped a handful of the hospital bedsheets, sobbing wildly. “I killed your brother!!!”

You couldn’t face him. A murderer couldn’t face the family of their victims with a heavy conscience. You couldn’t see her eyes after this. You want her to gouge them out for you.

…

“Hah.”

But amidst that silence, you heard a soft somber chuckle.

“I know.”

You snapped your neck towards her.

“What…?”

“I know. I know you killed Geppie.” Serval spoke, emotionless. “And I won’t ever forgive you for that. I’m sorry, (Y/n), but you know how long it takes for me to let go of past grudges. It was so easy for you to just take my brother off this world... Don't you at least owe me an explanation!? I don’t want another "I blacked out" as an excuse. So don’t bother if you can’t give me a good honest answer.”

She’s right.

You can never give her a good honest answer. You can either give her a good one or an honest one– they’re mutually exclusive in this scenario.

You gulped. “I-I’m so sorry, Ser–”

“But,” she chuckled, full of self-loathing. “I grew up with you. You were always there for me, as a servant, friend, my dad’s favorite, my brother’s lover, or my sibling.”

Serval took a deep breath.

“You’re still our third Landau. I don’t know how I feel about you, but what I do know is that I need to keep you alive.”

“B-BUT—”

“I’m not the only one who will lose another sibling. Lynx will too.”

Serval shook her head, placing a finger on her lip as she closed her eyes.

“I should’ve locked the door to the basement.” She repeated those words with more conviction. “I should’ve locked the door to the basement. You wouldn’t have remembered everything if I just asked Molly to double-check the locks.”

You slipped your hand away from hers.

“What do you…”

You can no longer form complete sentences and Serval won’t let you do so either way.

“Dr. Kang Tu’s medicine has worn off quickly, huh? Maybe I can get Pela to find better connections. She knows people with a Ph.D. in medicine or pharmacy or something, right? It shouldn't be too hard. Maybe I can ask Dr. Kang Tu if it's possible to up the dosage— surely there are a ton of customers who aren't too satisfied with this therapy device. Heck, maybe I can tinker with it for a little. My engineering degree isn't worth dust. Maybe I can adjust the settings just a bit better. Yeah... It'll be fine. I can work this out. I'll just have to—"

You stared blankly as Serval talked to herself. If there's something worse than watching her lie, it's to watch her be incredibly earnest about something vile and wrong.

"Serval?"

"Yeah, I can do that, no sweat!" She laughed out loud. Her pupils were dilated, as though her self-encouragements can make her run a mile. "Yeah, I can do this. Dad may think I'm useless but I’m the only one who can save his favorite kid. Sure, I’m an ex-engineer from the Technology Division, but I’m also the only one that can still protect– preserve this family."

Her prolonged rants were unnerving as she fumbled with what was in her bag.

Suddenly, remembered all the "experiments" she had done to you when you were tied up in her basement. The stuffy air, the strange electrifying devices, the cables, the sockets that connect to both your temples-- the flickering lights that made you pass out and wake up in a never-ending cold sweat.

Suddenly, you remembered why you wanted to leave.

"What are you—"

You finally shared a gaze.

Your heart dropped.

Her eyes were empty. Cold. Yet it squinted as she wore a large smile. Too large to be considered normal. But this was the same sight you'd see whenever you woke up. And it never fails to make you worry despite the pain you endured.

Serval Landau is broken, yet she wanted to be the one to "fix" you like a good older sister.

And it's all your fault.

Like all Landaus, there's no stopping them once they've made up their mind. A “family code of conduct”— one that you had once followed before.

“I’m sorry, (Y/n).” Serval smiled as she turned something on.

The mobile amnesic therapy meditation device looked like it belonged naturally in her hands.

“But I still need this happy family to work. If not for Gepard, then for Mom and Lynx. They’d be too heartbroken if they knew the truth.”

You started to hear that familiar radio static again.

“So forget everything that happened, okay?”

#ansy-writes #yandere x reader #error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 error 410 #platonic 'yandere' serval x reader #yandere hsr #yandere gepard landau #yandere gepard #gepard x reader #dead dove: do not eat #yandere gepard x yandere reader #yandere gepard landau x yandere reader

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smol-grey-tea · 7 months ago

Note

Hello! Can I please know from where u played nameless? Did you get it on steam or any other way ?

Hi! Judging by your blog, I'm guessing that you are asking because you have never seen or played the game before yourself? If you are interested in playing this game, in my opinion it is Cheritz's best game and I can ensure you will enjoy it

After playing Mystic Messenger in 2017, I first of all played the Nameless demo from Steam, which shows you 2 scenes from the common route. I then purchased the full game for roughly £22 and it has been my biggest special interest since. That's roughly 7 years ago now, and I currently have over 720 hours in the game from playing it over and over again.

Sometimes it does go on sale, tho I'm not sure when. Usually at holidays. I think it is a fair price tbh, especially considering that there are no additional subscriptions or micro-transactions like with the other games

It is not a mobile game like Ssum and MM, but can only be played on Steam. If you don't want to pay but still want to enjoy the game, I recommend Melizbeauty's play through of the game on YouTube

It's an entire visual novel as well. No chat rooms, just visual novel. There are 2 mini games in the game but they aren't difficult and don't have big consequences for failing

I can't tell how much you know about Nameless already, so I'll just take this opportunity to infodump a bit anyway. Sorry if you expected a short answer for this, I'm a bit of a rambler. This post will not contain spoilers though

I'm going to be talking about Nameless in comparison to MysMes and Ssum, since that's the perspective I assume you're coming from - see below for a spoiler free review of Nameless the One Thing You Must Recall

The game has the same 5 love interests and 2 secret endings, just like MysMes, and it of course has a smiliar vibe, in which the game appears quite cutesy and innocent but can have a lot of dark themes

Mystic Messenger's general theme is mental health, and Nameless has themes of that too, but specifically leans into grief and abandonment as a core theme, as well as childhood and memory

It revolves around our main character, who has been living all on her own since her grandfather's passing in the last year. She has 2 best friends, but still keeps her own feelings and her hobby of doll-collecting to herself. When her dolls magically come to life one day, they begin to live with her, and she is no longer lonely or sad at home like she was before they came to life

Considering Dandelion as well as Nameless, I believe that Cheritz made the wrong decision by making games that had blank slate main characters. I don't think that it was the wrong idea to give blank MCs to MysMes or Ssum, since the games work better that way, but I'm not sure why they made such a decision when they've shown just how good they are at writing main characters. I am able to relate to the main character, Eri, throughout the entire game and she is one of my favourite characters I have ever seen

About the love interests, I can also see each of them as human as well, and I see how human all of their interactions with each other are as well. I believe that something Mystic Messenger wrote really well was the characters' relationships with each other. In both Nameless and Dandelion, the love interests are all stuck in their situation and really wouldn't rather be friends otherwise; whereas MysMes' characters' relationships are all intentional yet also quite nuanced and complicated. Nameless' relationships, I think, aren't quite as complex as MysMes', but they are still very complex in their own ways and incredibly interesting to explore, especially between that of Yuri and Tei

In terms of tone and rating, I'd say this game has lower stakes (takes place in a high school rather than in a cult) but the yanderes of this game are more obsessive and violent, even outside of bad endings. I'm not an expert on otome in general, so I don't know for full, but some people say that Nameless has more extreme yanderes, while other people say that the yanderes aren't bad enough? Idk, I'm not an otome fan, I'm just a hardcore Nameless/Cheritz fan so I can't say much. I just know that it's more yandere than MysMes, but not nearly as yan as Dead Wishes (which is also available on Steam and I do recommend)

The plot and story I'd say is God tier. Better than MysMes imo. I love how the plot comes to a climax in the last route, then we play the secret endings and resolve the main conflict. A lot of people say that the ending is way too abrupt and ambiguous, but I think it does wrap up the story really nicely. If you've got nothing else about the story to say, then why continue talking. The ending was perfect the way they left it, idk where else they could've gone with it. Plus, it leaves plenty of room for interpretation and plenty of room for theories and fanfics

The translation is fine with a couple inconsistencies. A few of them can take away from an emotional scene but it's never bothered me. The game is fully voice acted and I think that every single one of the voice actors put their entire soul into their performances in this game. I especially want to praise Lance's, Tei's and Red's voice actors. Even if you just listened to the audio without reading the translation, you can just hear the emotion so much. They all did so well

(￣ヘ￣）ᵁᴹᴹᴹ can't think of much else to say. If you do decide to play this game, I do look forward to hearing your opinions to it and also encourage you to devour my entire blog for all my Nameless posts

ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ ˢᵒʳʳʸ about the length, and ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ ˢᵒʳʳʸ if I completely misunderstood and you already knew all of the above. (๑`✪̤◡✪̤)◞ღԵհɑղƘՏღ for the ask!!!!

#my post #cheritz #nameless the one thing you must recall #ask

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astralis-is-typing · 1 year ago

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Ok this is well over a thousand words of me simply losing my shit over this chapter dghfhjd. Such a masterpiece from my wife (real). I’ve been promising you this rb for WEEKS and I’m finally done editing my thoughts into (barely) cohesive sentences. Enjoyyy❤❤

Content warning: I am shamelessly and irretrievably obsessed with this story so mind how feral I am. The author (my wife) already knows but this is just a warning for anyone listening in vhfgdhsbxf

The way I have waited for this chapter pls… 21k??? So much to unpack and I’m ready (mostly)

If I don’t make it out alive bro tell Jeongin I love him

The thing that’s haunting me the most is the blood lock thing. I’ve been fixated on that ever since they found out that was the only way to get into Miroh. Like you know how the romance distracts me bahah, but today I’m FOCUSED fr✊

They best get to district one alive pls I hope no one dies

“Flooding back as you became aware of the strong arms wrapped tightly around your body, the warm breath grazing against the back of your neck.” Hdhdjskckmsmchddf

“In another world, far away from the one you had always known, you might have turned around his embrace” PLS PLS PLSSSS GO AHEAD!! NOTHING IS STOPPING YOU

(okay that’s not entirely true)

(Getting side tracked here… can I just do what I said and stop being a hoe for rebel felix? Can we do that Jules? Just for one chapter istg)

“Stopped by an insistent force holding you back, preventing you from moving even an inch further. You glanced down at the determined hand clasped around your wrist. Firm, but gentle all the same.

Silver rings against calloused fingers.”

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL RN

The whole scene where they’re planning on which is the best route just got my heart racing. The urgency is TANGIBLE. Especially when Felix came in and erased the line she’d drawn, because I guess that’s where his demons lie and he doesn’t want to expose the rest of them to such danger.

Also, The scene with Minho, followed by hanging outside with Changbin is so well written. I can SEE it

“You’d made a promise, after all.

Don’t let me love you.”

This is so DEEP??

“Because you had been able to protect Felix last night, but you wouldn't be able to save any of them from the impending threat hurdling toward you now.

In less than a second, the world around you descended into chaos.”

I CANNOT GO ONNNNNNNNNN??????

I CANNOT DO THIS???? NO NO NO

“Just as his fingers brushed against yours, a bullet whizzed between the two of you, forcing him to stumble back.”

I’M SO UNSTABLE RIGHT NOW WHAT

I’M ACTUALLY PANICKING HELP ME

I need a min to remind myself this is just fiction.

“Felix!” You called out, strained voice breaking in desperation as the fear of losing him tore at your soul once again. His head whipped around at the sound of your voice. With a final look in your direction, his eyes conveyed unspoken reassurance, a silent plea to trust him, and a promise that you couldn’t fully understand in that moment.”

I’M SO UNWELL I CANT I CANNOT I CANNOT I SIMPLY CANNOT I DON’T WANT TO READ IDK IDK SEND HELP

I'M ACTUALLY SO SCARED RN

“And it's probably a good thing you weren't in his position, because you never would have been able to leave the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes behind. Not when it meant leaving a part of yourself, behind too.”

ALEX PLS STOP THIS MADNESS IM CRYING THIS IS SO OVERWHELMING! Ok but now they definitely know she’s in love with him.

YEONJUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

CHOI YEONJUN IN OTDE? MY STAYMOA HEART IS FJJDNVNVMD

“you avoided the woman's gaze when you told her that your name was Jisoo.” Watch this woman be Jisoo’s mom are something 👀

“Because as Hira walked you through the lower level, hushed whispers and soft murmurs floated through the air, accompanied by occasional gasps of pleasure.” HELLAUR??? ARE THEY FR IN A BROTHEL RN💀💀💀💀💀

Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess🤷

“…meeting the eyes of individuals in various states of undress whose beauty was contrasted by the sadness in their eyes.” THIS IS SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN

SHUT UP THIS IS ART

THIS IS SO WELL WRITTEN??? WHAT THE ACTUAL DUCK

GOODBYE!!! Buddy this!!! thissss?!!!

“For the same reason you had chosen to sit by him the first night around the fire, something about Seungmin's presence made you worry just a little less.” Vocalracha stans are really being fed with this chapter sjcjvkfkfnvnms. Like this and the Jeongin focus earlier has me😻😻

I love otde Seungmin btw he’s my favourite. Like, even over Felix (well, almost).

“As if your feet were shackled to the ground by invisible chains that warned of the danger that came with exposing the extent of your feelings to everyone in the room.” WHY ARE YOU SUCH A GREAT WRITER WHAT THE HELL BUDDY

PLS PLS!!

“I was just...doing what needed to be done.” He answered, voice husky and low, eyes dark and inviting.”

I want to SCREAM. I always say this but the mc is sooo much stronger than me I’d have let him give me backshots against the table right then and there idc.

Like I actually do not care anymore. Sanity? Who’s she?

“He really did. It’s just that he’d narrowly missed about 17 bullets today…”

FAVOURITE LINE IN THE WHOLE CHAPTER SAVE ME PLS PLS PLSSS I LOVE THIS IT ADDS SO MUCH DESPERATION AND A FUCK IT MENTALITY UGHHH

This is so funny fhvj jjdjcbvnf

I AM ON LIFE SUPPORT AFTER THAT SMUT SCENE I CANNOT KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS

And then you have the AUDACITY to be like "oh I can't write smut" like gurl what do you even mean?!😂

Alex you are so good at naming chapters omg like the last few lines so accurately relate to the title it’s insaneee.

Also what’s going on with Hyunjin and Felix lmao. Are all these focuses on them spoilers oooh? The part where you talk about Hyunjin getting onto the bike behind him… I found that interesting. The way you took note of their proximity. Because I assume all the rebels are close and have been physically close as well multiple times. Y’all there’s a REASON behind this focus and I’m dying to know.

To end this rant, I just want to say you totally KILKED this!! The plot has so many twists and turns and the way you pace them is mind blowing. It seems I survived another episode dhfhdgd can't wait for the next chapter!! (Even though I'm definitely won't be ready🤒)

off the deep end. (05)

~(part 5) the weight of the world~

pairing: rebel!felix x reader (f)

genre: non-idol au, post-apocalypse/dystopian au. wc: 21.1k (i have no explanation for this, pls forgive me)

series rating: 18+ **minors do not interact**

chapter warnings: violent mature themes, mentions of murder/death, choking (sexual and not sexual), explicit sexual content (consensual, unprotected sex, oral sex (m receiving), fingering), breeding kink if you squint, oppressive government, fighting, weaponry (gunfire, knife use), injury, blood, language, angst!!!, please lmk if i missed any!!

a/n: thank you all so much for your continued support, i have been absolutely blown away by the kindness and interest you guys have shown for my little story :) it truly means the world to me and as always any feedback, likes, and reblogs are more appreciated than you know. i hope you enjoy.♡♡

~series masterlist~

"because time is a merciless force, far more precious than anything tangible in this world. no matter who you are, no matter where you come from, it always runs out. no matter what you do once it is gone, you will never be able to win it back."

“Don’t let me love you.”

Had he really said that?

Had he really dared to speak it into existence?

Felix squeezed his eyes shut so tightly he saw stars behind them. Stars that reminded him of the night sky, just hours before, with your bodies intertwined on the rooftop underneath it. The steady rhythm of your breathing against his forearm as you slept. And he couldn't lie, the temptation to fall asleep next to you, to let the weariness overtake him was more than strong. Not to mention the fact that Felix was certain it might just be the best night’s sleep he would ever get. But he couldn't afford to fall asleep last night, because he knew what would happen if he didn’t wake up in time.

And yet, Felix didn’t necessarily mind the need to stay awake. Because instead of being kept up by disturbing memories and his own tormenting thoughts that surrounded them, as was the case on most nights, he'd had something else to anchor him to consciousness last night.

You.

Felix spent hours underneath the moonlight lightly brushing the hair from your face whenever the breeze blew it back. He traced over the faint bruises on your skin, bruises left by his fingertips, a stark contradiction to your angelic appearance.

You may not have been an angel in the eyes of the gods above, considering that the things the two of you had done together tonight were far from pure, but you certainly were to him. In that moment, you were an angel to Felix who was everything opposite of what it meant to be one.

You were his angel.

Another gust of wind caused you to shift even closer, seeking refuge in the warmth of his chest, and suddenly Felix was thankful that he had always been warm blooded. He pulled his jacket over you when he noticed the goosebumps decorated across your skin. The wind pushed your hair back once again, and his eyes fell to the deep purple mark on your neck.

Another trace of his cursed touch, burned into your skin.

Stupid.

Stupid how badly he wanted them all to see it. Not just the seven boys downstairs, no, the entirety of all nine districts. He wanted them all to witness the traces he had left on your body. A selfish, dangerous desire that threatened to consume him whole.

If it were up to him, Felix would've spent the rest of eternity in last night. But time had never been a friend to Felix, and he was all too familiar with the fleeting nature of happiness. So when the morning light broke through his half-lidded eyes, he furrowed his brows. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to slip from your arms. A soft whine escaped your lips, and he wondered if you would think he had left by choice when you woke to find him missing. He wondered if it would make you regret last night.

Maybe it would be better if you did.

Felix unwraveled your bodies, carefully lowering your head back down against the blanket. He stood and collected your clothing, folding it and placing it into a neat pile beside your head. And then, after one final glance, his eyes lingering a little longer than they should have on your sleeping form underneath his jacket, he turned to leave.

Because a promise made to the devil can’t be broken.

And the devil waits for no one.

And when Felix returned from hell to find you standing inside the entrance of Yellow Wood next to Chan and Minho, he knew he wasn’t making it out of this unscathed. He knew he was done for when he felt his heartbeat quicken at the mere sight of you with his jacket in your hand and his mark on your neck, left exposed by your hair that probably still had his scent in it.

Don’t let me love you.

Perhaps his words hadn’t really been meant for you at all. Perhaps they had been a desperate plea to some higher power above that he’d never even been given the chance to believe in.

Perhaps they had been meant for himself, instead. A final request before he crossed a line he was never meant to cross. Before he made choices intertwined with consequences that he couldn’t even begin to understand.

After he watched you disappear with Chan through the front doors, Felix stumbled back down the staircase, making himself comfortable with his back to the railing. The rooftop had since been occupied by Jisung, Jeongin, and Seungmin, and in all honesty he didn’t really feel like talking (or smoking whatever their chosen substance might have been today). Although he couldn’t fault them for it, considering what you were about to get yourselves into. Ever since the nine of you had returned together from the palace, there had been a shift in the atmosphere. Something unspoken between every single one of you. Fear, maybe. Apprehension, sure. That and the gut feeling that something permanent was coming. And he couldn’t blame the others for wanting to make the most out of every fleeting moment of normalcy they had left.

He certainly had. Last night, with you.

You weren’t his first, but part of him wished you had been because he'd had no idea it was supposed to feel like that. After last night, Felix was positive that he hadn’t been your first either, and he certainly knew better than to think he would be your last. Although he did like to entertain the idea of you belonging solely to him. Even if only for the remainder of your time together.

Fuck, what was wrong with him?

He crashed his head back against the railing, letting out a frustrated groan that echoed throughout the empty space.

The time passed slowly as he waited for you to return with Chan. Somewhere in between messy thoughts that blurred the lines between reality and desire, between the way Felix wanted you and the way he knew he was never meant to have you, he drifted off into a light sleep. Slumped against the staircase, it must have been several hours before he was abruptly awakened by a shout that rang in through the open windows.

Had it come from the backyard?

And was it Chan’s voice?

His eyes snapped open, his ears perked up, and he stood immediately, locking eyes with Hyunjin who rushed in from somewhere on the main floor. The two made eye contact only briefly before Chan’s muffled voice rang out once more. Felix was all too familiar with the tone it carried. He dreaded that tone, and he knew Hyunjin did too.

Without exchanging a single word, the two crashed through the front doors. Hyunjin was faster, not by much, but enough to pull ahead of Felix and make it around the corner a few seconds earlier. And it was only when Hyunjin stopped and took a step to the side that Felix saw the reason for the distress in Chan's voice.

His entire body went rigid. His heart stopped beating. His lungs refused to grant him another breath, and he failed to see anything other than the figure pressed to the ground in front of him. And Felix couldn't move a muscle, but he could feel you there. He wanted to look for you, to pull you in and shield you from the man at his feet. He wanted it more than anything but he just couldn’t bring his body to move. As if his muscles had been paralyzed by something far more wicked than fear, because he knew why the man had followed him here. After all, their meeting earlier hadn’t exactly gone as planned. And if he was being honest, Felix had known for a while that this was coming.

Or at least, he should have known. He should have known better than to let his guard down, even for a second. For fucks sake he should have known better. Its just that he'd thought, he’d hoped, that if the group left for Miroh soon then it wouldn’t matter. Because by the time the man came for him, the nine of you would be long gone.

But time had never been a friend to Felix.

As his mind raced with worry and regret, Felix was suddenly ripped from his trance when, out of the corner of his eye, he registered you standing in front of him. Before he knew it your hand was against his cheek. Your touch was tender, the skin of your palm impossibly soft, unlike his own calloused hands. A stark reminder of the differences in the lives you had lived.

You whispered something to him, a single word, and it didn’t even matter that he couldn’t register what it was. Because just as if you had thrown him a lifeline, Felix was freed from the restraints of fear. Finally able to move again, he wasted no time in shifting his gaze down to meet your own.

But it only made things worse.

Catastrophically. Worse.

Because when Felix met your eyes he was forced to confront the fact that it wasn’t his own life he was afraid for. He could handle the thought of himself being destined for some kind of horrible fate. He’d come to terms with it years ago, long before he had ever met any of the others.

But not you.

The thought of you being dragged into the same poisonous web that he was caught in filled him with a dread so profound it was as if a physical weight was pressing on his chest.

So he decided in that moment that he would sacrifice himself a thousand times over to keep you safe. The world could destroy him, the man at your feet could drag him back to hell, but Felix would not let the devil lay his hands on you.

And so, after the argument with Chan and Minho regarding whether or not to let the man live, an argument that he couldn’t have cared less about because he’d already made up his mind, Felix knew exactly what he had to do. With every once of determination left in his body, he forced his legs to take him outside. To the backyard, where he told Jisung that he had been instructed to keep watch next. And of course Jisung believed him, because he would have no reason to suspect that the stranger tied to the tree wasn’t really a “stranger” to Felix after all.

As soon as Jisung disappeared around the corner, Felix crouched down. He assumed the most threatening expression he could manage, devoid of anything but pure venomous hatred, which was more than easy to do. He steadied himself, steadied his breathing so that his voice wouldn't come out shaky.

And then, Felix proposed a deal with the devil.

He would set the man free. Untie the ropes that bound him, toss the gun aside, and go back with him willingly.

And the man was more than eager to accept his proposal, however, what Felix hadn’t realized is that he had come to Yellow Wood without any intent to bring Felix back alive.

And so after the gun was cast into the woods, and the ropes were untied, within seconds his hands had found their way to Felix’s throat. They clamped down with a merciless grip, forcing Felix to come face-to-face with another crucial decision.

Even if he somehow managed to break free from the man's grasp, which seemed increasingly less likely with every passing second as his vision began to fade and he lost feeling in his fingertips, Felix knew that it wouldn't matter. Because if he lived tonight, then the man would be back tomorrow, and the next day, and every day after. He would bring the rest of the ghosts from Felix's past and they would never stop looking for him. Which meant that they would never stop looking for you. And for Chan, and Hyunjin, and the rest of the boys. Such a small handful of lives, and yet they were the only thing that mattered at all to Felix in this world. Seven, no eight precious, precious lives that he cherished far more than his own.

And so he slowly loosened his grip around the hands at his throat, granting them permission to press further into his windpipe. Because if Felix gave the man what he wanted tonight, then he would have no reason to return. He would have no reason to come after you, or to learn the truth about who you really were and what you really meant to Felix. And you, and Chan, and the others would have one less obstacle to face. You would be free to save the world just as Felix knew you could, and you certainly didn’t need him to do it.

And as his consciousness wavered, Felix was certain that it must have been due to oxygen loss when his eyes lulled open and he saw you standing over him, outlined by silver moonlight. If angels really did exist, then surely he had been right to think that you were one. Sent to take him somewhere far away that he could finally rest his tired eyes and numb his mind.

It was only after the cool air flooded back into his lungs and he regained consciousness that Felix realized the vision of you standing before him hadn’t been a figment of his imagination or a heavenly apparition at all. That it really was you, in the flesh. Tangible and real. Vulnerable and terrified.

With a bloody knife in one of your hands, and his beating heart in the other.

“So let me get this straight. You’re saying that he just freed himself?” Chan's voice overflowed with skepticism as he stared at Felix with a narrow, unwavering gaze.

Shadows cast by the setting sun had overtaken the world once again, including the forest to your back that had lost all of its earlier charm. You stood shielded behind Felix while he attempted to explain to Chan and the others why there was a dead body at your feet.

“Bullshit. I tied those knots so tightly he couldn’t even move," Changbin interjected, crossing his arms where he stood next to Chan.

And you remained silent, despite the fact that you had your own doubts about Felix’s explanation of the events leading up to the man’s escape. Even if you hadn’t witnessed anything prior to walking in on the stranger with his hands around his neck, his life hanging on by a thread, you knew he was lying. The way his eyebrow twitched slightly when he spoke, how he hadn't looked up from his feet since the others had joined you outside. And Changbin was right, the man wouldn’t have been able to slip out of the knots he'd tied. The mere suggestion that he had freed himself sounded quite ridiculous, actually, and the very thought caused your anger to return at full force.

Because why the hell would Felix have released him willingly?

“Does it even matter how he got out? He’s dead. He deserved it anyway,” Minho huffed, stepping up beside Chan.

“That’s not the point," Chan shook his head in frustration, "if we go around killing people, no matter who they are or what they deserve, then we aren’t any better than those in power now.”

Those in power now.

As in your father, casting his own shadow on the conversation. A constant reminder that, whether you wanted to acknowledge it or not, he was still a part of your life. And he always would be. His presence would persist, his ghost would follow you wherever you went, until he was removed from this world for good. Permanently.

Chan sighed, low and heavy, in an obvious attempt to control his anger.

“Fine, Felix. Let's say that he did somehow manage to free himself, although I hope you realize how absurd that sounds-”

It does. He knows.

"It still doesn’t explain how he ended up like that.”

He gestured to the body that lie motionless on the ground, and you braced yourself, preparing to face the moment you had been dreading. The fragile trust that you'd begun to build with some of the boys—Chan, Jisung, Seungmin, maybe even Jeongin too—was about to blow to pieces. Your actions would expose the darker side of yourself that you longed to bury, the part that mirrored the ruthless monster that had brought you into this world. Even if you had acted to protect Felix, it didn’t erase the fact that you’d taken a man’s life when you could have chosen to injure him instead. Not that they would have known that, but a stab to the back so deep that it went all the way through to the chest didn’t exactly come across as self defense.

Your heart pounded in your ears, your palms became sweaty, and you could hardly stand the silence as their eyes bore into you, looking through you. So you went to take a step around Felix. You opened your mouth but before you could gather the courage to confess, the freckled boy intercepted your movement, blocking your path.

“What do you think happened?" He spoke firmly, matter-of-factly, with a hint of irritation laced in between words, "He came after us.”

All eyes suddenly fell to Felix and you closed your own, waiting for him to continue. To seal your fate by exposing to them what you had done. But to your surprise, that moment never came.

“He came after us, so I killed him."

I killed him.

His sudden revelation caught you off guard, and because you were actually physically stunned, it took several moments for you to conceal the astonishment that had fallen across your face. When you turned to look at him he remained stoic, resolute, as he avoided your inquiring eyes.

Why would he take the fall?

Maybe it was best to let him.

Chan observed the exchange between you and Felix, he studied it, before landing his eyes on you. A lump formed in your throat and you swallowed hard, searching for the strength to meet his eyes. With a slight nod, you confirmed Felix’s lie. Chan didn’t know you like he knew Felix, which meant he couldn’t read you as well. And you hated how easy it had always been for you to lie. Just another trait inherited from your father, another reminder of the darkness that flowed within your veins.

Chan turned around slowly to face the others, and you couldn’t help but feel a small pang of regret at your decision to allow Felix to take the blame. You didn’t want to lie to any of them, especially not Chan, but in that moment you were more than thankful for the temporary escape from the consequences of your actions. Whatever they may have been.

“We need to get rid of the body before morning. In case any of them come back,” Chan spoke with authority as he addressed the group.

Minho and Changbin came forward immediately, and you took a few steps out of their way. As they reached down to lift the body, Chan instructed Hyunjin to find something they could use to dig.

“Everyone else get inside. We leave tomorrow for Miroh. We’ll load the supplies in the morning, so just get some rest. Pack your things, and bring it all….in case..." He trailed off because there was no need to finish the sentence. His unspoken words hung heavy in the air.

In case we don’t make it back.

With solemn expressions, the group dispersed, footsteps muffled by the earth beneath their feet. Jeongin trailed behind Seungmin and Jisung as they moved quickly toward the building. Casting one more inquisitive glare between you and Felix, Chan joined Minho and Changbin in carrying the body.

Felix was the first one inside after his hurried footsteps had taken him to the front of the group, and you had a feeling you knew just where he was headed when he hastily climbed the staircase, hands in his pockets. Jisung hesitated a moment, looking back to you as if he wanted to say something before ultimately deciding against it. With a tender glance in your direction, one that made you think he might have wanted you to follow him, he wandered off into the main floor. Jeongin leaned in and whispered something to Seungmin who hushed him as the two followed each other up the staircase. At the top, they walked off in the opposite direction that Felix had taken.

And there you were, left standing alone with a choice to make.

Beyond drained at this point, both physically and mentally, you probably could have collapsed right there in the entryway. Or maybe you could claim one of the many empty rooms upstairs. There were certainly enough options to find a secluded place for yourself, and yet, despite how frustrated you were with Felix, despite your anger at him for the events that had unfolded tonight, part of you desperately longed to be by his side. After all, you were the only one that knew just how close he had come to death.

And so the choice became an easy decision.

As you ascended the staircase, you traced the railing with your hand. Every step you took down the hallway, every rung on the ladder you climbed, brought you back to last night. Impossible to ignore the way that you could literally feel yourself there, just twenty four hours before. And it might have been surprising, how much could change in a single day, if the course of your entire life hadn’t been turned upside down over and over again in the span of less than a month.

Grabbing onto the final rung of the ladder, you weren’t even sure if you wanted to find him there on the other side. Its not like you had any desire to talk about what had happened tonight. There was just something indescribable that compelled you to be next to him now, overpowering any hesitation that might have crossed your mind.

After pulling yourself up onto the rooftop, your heart sank when your eyes fell to the shadowy figure with his back turned to you, lying on the harsh ground with his dark hair splayed out against the hoodie that he used as a makeshift pillow. The thin blankets lie untouched next to him, almost making it seem as though he’d left them there on purpose, as if he had been expecting someone to join him. You stared at his back for a moment, picturing the faded scar that lie across his shoulder underneath the thin material of his shirt.

You weren’t sure if he was asleep at first, and when he stirred you froze, debating on whether or not you had time to leave before he turned around. But he didn’t move any further and after a moment of silence, eyes trained on his steady figure, you took a few tentative steps. As quietly as you could, you crossed the still air over fallen leaves and thick vines that stretched along the rooftop ground. After lowering yourself to sit beside him on the blankets, you glanced down at his profile, illuminated by the moon. Plush lips parted ever so slightly, his features cascaded down into a gentle frown even in his sleep. You hovered a hand over his face before lightly brushing the hair from it. After a moment longer, you decided to stay, settling down on the blankets with your back against his.

Just a short time ago, you might have allowed yourself to succumb to tears. Tears of frustration, fear, grief. Grief for the version of yourself that you had lost tonight. Frustration at the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes, and the debilitating fear that washed over you when you thought you really were going to lose him. But you had changed so much in such a short span of time. You could feel yourself growing numb to the pull of your emotions as they became easier and easier to ignore. So holding back the tears, you kept your eyes open for as long as you could until exhaustion began to outweigh the images in your mind of a dead body at your feet and your mothers knife, bloody in your hands.

After ten minutes, maybe twenty, maybe an hour, you felt a warm hand snake around your waist, lifting you from your blissful state of semi-consciousness. You remained still and kept your eyes closed because if it was a dream then you would have given anything to stay asleep just a little longer. When the grip around your waist tightened, pulling you into a protective embrace, you were almost certain that it was a dream. Nothing more than a fragment of your imagination as your subconscious longed for some form of comfort. And just as you began to slip back into the welcoming darkness, you could have sworn that the tone carried by the wind sounded a lot like the voice your ears had come to crave.

“I’m sorry, princess.”

It was the last thing you remembered from that night as you allowed his words to fade into nothing, still questioning if he had really said them at all.

The moon never stayed for very long.

When you woke the following morning, it was barely morning at all. The faded glow of dawn struggled to find its way through the clouds, casting familiar shades of gray across the sky above. Your eyes fluttered open to momentary disorientation, wondering where you were and why you hadn’t been met with the walls of your bedroom, but it took only seconds for your memory to return. Flooding back as you became aware of the strong arms wrapped tightly around your body, the warm breath grazing against the back of your neck.

In another world, far away from the one you had always known, you might have turned around his embrace. Repositioning yourself to face him, you might have taken the entire morning to memorize every detail of his delicate features. Might have stayed there all day with him on the rooftop, entangled in each other as if you were the only two souls left in existence.

In another life, you might have leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before drifting back off to sleep beside him. Warm, protected, safe, and entirely at ease. Because you wouldn't have a past to run from or a burden the size of the world on your shoulders. You wouldn't have been reminded of last night when you sat up and made note of the red mark etched across his neck.

In another life, it wouldn't have been there at all.

You winced as you turned away, deciding that you needed to get away, before tempting yourself with one more second alone with him like this. And so with a heavy heart, you resisted the urge to crawl back into the embrace that felt a little too much like the home you had never known.

Shivering slightly when the cool breeze hit your skin, you ran your hands through your hair, ignoring the emptiness in your stomach and the thirst on your tongue. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, but it wasn't enough to erase the images burned into your memory from last night. You wondered if anything ever would be.

When you put a hand on the ground to push yourself up to stand, you froze. Stopped by an insistent force holding you back, preventing you from moving even an inch further. You glanced down at the determined hand clasped around your wrist. Firm, but gentle all the same.

Silver rings against calloused fingers.

You traced the intricate details of the bands with your eyes, considering the offer they represented, but you couldn’t accept. You couldn’t stay, no matter how desperately you wanted to. If you had to sleep next to him every single night for the rest of your time spent together to ensure his safety, then so be it. But you would always make sure to leave in the morning. Because you couldn’t afford to offer him anything more than that. You’d done more than enough damage to the both of you two nights ago by allowing yourself to succumb to such primitive, selfish desires. And it scared you, no no it absolutely terrified you, to feel the way you did last night as you watched the life drain from his eyes.

And so in one harsh movement you withdrew your wrist from his grasp.

He didn't say anything. Not when you stood. Not when you found the ladder and took hold of the first rung. He didn’t call out for you, and you didn’t look back.

After making it inside, you allowed yourself a moment of solitude as you passed by the rooms that stretched along the hallway. Most were empty, although you did stumble upon Jeongin and Seungmin fast asleep in one. Jeongin seemed to have claimed the entire space for himself as he lay sprawled out with an elbow in Seungmin's face. The sight caused a smile to tug at your lips, almost enough to distract you from the uneasiness that had found a permanent place in your chest.

Almost.

It didn’t take long for you to come to the conclusion that you could have spent forever within the walls of Yellow Wood. Surrounded by the remnants of a past that had long been forgotten, just like the souls who had left them behind. Shelves that stood hardly intact were lined by books, with many of their pages loosely scattered across the ground. You wondered what secrets they held, and as you continued on you wondered what secrets each of the boys had made inside the walls of Yellow Wood. Cherished memories, favorite places to hide, where they went to be alone when it all became too much.

When you reached the main floor you found your way to the room that you had been locked outside of last night with Hyunjin. Where Minho and Chan had argued about the fate of the intruder..before you solidified the decision for them.

The door was open, and when you entered you found Chan alone inside. He was leaned over a long table in the middle of the room, hands resting on the surface. A number of documents lay scattered in front of him. One particularly large sheet stretched nearly the entire length of the table, curling at the edges. It appeared to be a map, and you made note of your fathers journal where it lay open on top of it amidst the chaos. A small candle that was no longer necessary lie on the surface of the table, nearly burned through.

When you found your place at his side, Chan handed you a small canteen. You gladly took him up on the offer, putting it to your lips and taking a few sizable gulps, and it wasn’t until the lukewarm liquid trickled down your throat that you realized it had been sore. The water tasted stale, at best, and anyone from the palace would have spit it out in an instant. But you liked the taste. It helped to ground you, reminding you where you were and what lie outside the walls that surrounded you now.

“Didn’t sleep?” You turned to face Chan, who had circles so dark underneath his eyes it looked as if it had been a lot longer than just one night since he had gotten any sort of rest. And rightfully so, because while you might have assumed the weight of the world on your shoulders only recently, Chan had been carrying that burden for far longer.

“Couldn’t,” he responded without looking up from the table, squinting as his eyes remained fixed on the pages strewn about beneath him. You reached a hand out to move some of them around, and he straightened his posture before turning and unraveling something from a cloth at his side.

"This is yours, yeah?"

Your gaze dropped to the knife in his hand as he held it out to you. Your knife, your mother's knife, that you had carried with you for as long as you could remember. The knife that you’d left lying in the grass last night after using it to end a life. You took it from him without a word, tracing your thumb along the intricate floral design carved into the handle. Making note of the dried blood that saturated the blade.

"Want to tell me the truth about what happened last night?"

Your eyes fell back to the table as you slid the knife into its usual place in your waistband and took your bottom lip in between your teeth. Chan studied your face for a moment before coming to the conclusion that no matter how much he pried, you weren’t going to give him what he wanted. With a sigh, not wanting to push you too far because of the fragile nature of your developing relationship, he brought a hand to his forehead where he pressed a few fingers against his temple.

“Look, y/n I get it. I don’t know what happened and you don’t have to tell me now if you’re not ready. Just remember that if we’re going to have any chance out there then we need to trust each other. Completely.”

Tell that to the others.

You nodded without looking up from the table and after a moment, he spoke again.

“Recognize this?” He pointed to your father's journal and you nodded for a second time. The map that lie underneath it resembled the map on the wall in your fathers study, although the one in front of you now was far less detailed.

He must have taken note of the way it caught your attention, brushing some of the papers away to expose it further.

“We’re familiar with the inner districts, but anything beyond is pretty much unknown. We haven't been outside of six in years."

He picked up a loose sheet of paper from the table and looked it over before handing it out to you.

You recognized the words on the page. You had seen them before. Scribbled on the missing pages of your fathers journal, and you could only assume that Chan had been smart enough to jot down the contents before handing them back over to you to return to your father’s study. When you looked up from the page he pointed to a spot near the edge of the map and your eyes followed.

"Here."

He tapped his finger against it once.

"If this is all correct, then it should be right here..”

"Miroh." You whispered underneath your breath, and he hummed in agreement beside you.

"And we are..." He lifted his finger back up and brought it to the opposite side of the map, closest to where you stood. He picked up a short wooden pencil and drew a line loosely connecting the two points, and suddenly you understood why he hadn't slept.

Because it wasn't going to be an easy journey to get to the supposed location of Miroh from your current position in District 6. It wouldn’t be as simple as turning around and heading behind you. As the districts were arranged in concentric rings, reaching Miroh where it lie at the border between Districts 1 and 2 meant that you would have a choice to make, with several possible paths laid out in front of you.

"So we either...." you trailed off, tracing the thin line he had drawn over and over again with your eyes.

“Move straight ahead and cross back through District nine”, he finished your sentence and you swallowed dryly at the mention of your former residence, “or we take a longer route, we stay in six and trace it around until we spit out on the opposite side of nine. And then we head straight back into the outer districts that way. Of course, the biggest problem with taking the longer route is..."

He took a swig from the canteen, and you took the liberty of finishing his sentence for him this time.

“Fuel."

He gave you a confirming nod. "Fuel. Fuel and supplies..among other things.”

So it was a choice between the lesser of two evils, really.

Heading back into the heart of District 9, swarming with your father and his guards, meant certain death for every single one of the boys if you got caught. Then again, tracing along the border of District 6 raised concerns regarding fuel, supplies, and prolonged time spent in the unknown.

Visually displayed out in front of you like this, it all seemed so much further away.

Together, the two of you spent the better part of the morning trying to come up with the best route to take, relying heavily on your knowledge of your fathers favored routes and Chan's experience in the districts. You sat at the edge of the table tracing out the routes that you knew your father and his army frequented. Information you had gained over time from eavesdropping in on important conversations and studying the maps in his office.

As time passed, the rest of the boys began to trickle in. Minho and Jisung came in first together, followed by Changbin, and before long you were surrounded by seven familiar faces.

All except for one.

It quickly became apparent that the amount of fuel you'd managed to obtain from the palace wouldn’t be enough to get you to Miroh and back. Minho expressed concern about whether or not it would even be enough to get you there in the first place, but he didn’t say anything further when Chan reminded him that the best option to save fuel would be to cross straight through the heart of District 9 at the start of your journey. Which you had all collectively agreed was not an option.

You suggested heading inward, following inside District 7 or 8 instead of 6, but Chan was worried that it would still be too close to your father, and that people there would know your face by now, and he was probably right. Changbin suggested heading into the outer districts from the start, beginning with 5 and so on, but Chan shut down that idea too.

Your apprehension grew with every passing moment as the boys offered each of their opinions. A slight adjustment had to be made when Jisung reminded Chan of the brief encounter where he and Seungmin had come across the supposedly abandoned shack with the liquor stash, and he’d almost “had his dick shot off” by the owner. Chan rolled his eyes as he erased that part of the route.

“What about this,” you reached for the pencil and he placed it in your palm. You traced a faint line the opposite direction.

“-Not if you plan on making it alive.”

The pencil slipped from your grasp as your head shot up in the direction of the door. It was a natural response to sound of the voice that had become one of the only constants in your life since finding out the truth about the world. The voice with the bittersweet allure that you both longed to hear and wished you never would have known, as it brought out emotions that you only hoped would remain buried forever. Emotions that rendered you vulnerable, weak.

Felix stood in the doorway, leaned against the frame with black strands of hair cascading down into his face. Jawline sharp, arms crossed, dark eyes heavy set. The room fell silent as tension creeped back into the air. Tension that lingered from last night, as you were fairly certain they all suspected that he hadn’t told the full truth about what had happened. Or perhaps it was tension that lingered between the two of you, after you left him on the rooftop this morning following your breakdown in front of him last night. Either way, his sudden presence only magnified the strain in the air.

He lifted himself from the frame and stepped out into grey light that filtered in through cracked windows. He took a few purposeful steps and you held your breath momentarily when he passed behind you, lightly brushing against your back. There wasn’t much space at all for him to squeeze in between you and Chan, but he made it work, and you forced your eyes to look anywhere other than his arms as his muscles flexed when he leaned over the table.

“Anywhere but there,” he emphasized, while you stared at the wall over Jeongin’s shoulder. You watched out of the corner of your eye as Felix erased the line you had just drawn, using the other end of the pencil to create a new one.

And with that, the path to Miroh was solidified. You would follow District 6 around, avoiding the inner districts at all costs, until you reached the point where it would be a straight shot back to Miroh.

When Chan folded the map, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of your stomach as the solidification of a route made the daunting journey ahead that much more real. Not to mention the fact that the distance to reach your destination seemed far greater and more vigorous than you had originally pictured in your mind.

Despite your uncertainty about the future, one thing had become clear through your time spent planning a route.

The unspoken bond between the boys.

It made you long for whatever it was they shared, the unity that propelled them forward as a team. And not a single one of them had brought up the fact that what you were about to do was insane.

Which it was.

It absolutely was.

The air outside hung heavy with an eery stillness. The world lie motionless as if it was waiting, watching.

In silence you helped the boys hurriedly load the rover with everything that would fit, throwing bags in through the open roof or the open frame and onto the seats.

Apprehension wove its way deeper into your veins as you glanced over your lifeline of miscellaneous supplies. If Chan was right, if Miroh wasn’t a myth and your fathers journal held the truth on how to reach it, if your blood really was the key that would get you inside, then there would be enough provisions there to keep you alive until you were able to come up with the next part of your plan.

But if one tiny detail went wrong along the way, if you experienced even the slightest disruption among countless unknowns and potential threats…well it didn't really matter, did it? Because it was a risk that at this point, none of you really had much choice but to take.

After heaving a particularly heavy bag into the vehicle, you wiped the sweat from your brow and looked up to see Minho stepping out of the building with a small black duffel bag slung around his shoulder, his arms piled high with what appeared to be very basic medical supplies. You took a step back as he approached the side of the vehicle. When he went to toss everything inside, a roll of gauze slipped from his grasp and you kneeled to pick it up, handing it out to him. As he reached for it your eyes fell to a thin bracelet around his wrist that looked as if it had been crafted from a very fine, expensive material commonly used to make accessories in District 9. The bracelet must have held significant meaning for him to have left it on, considering the fact that wearing such an item outside of the Inner Circle would make him a target for anyone looking to make a considerable profit.

When you glanced up your eyes met briefly before he turned away.

“There's more supplies inside,” he grumbled, pulling his sleeve back down before heading in the direction of the building.

Ever since you’d found out the truth about Minho, maybe because you felt some sort of estranged connection to the way his past vaguely mirrored your own, curiosity tugged at your thoughts whenever you saw him.

Why had he left District 9?

Was he driven by similar reasons as you? Or had different motives fueled his choice to leave behind a lifestyle of comfort and safety. Maybe it hadn’t been a choice for Minho at all. Either way, whatever it was, you didn’t have much confidence that you'd ever get to find out because despite your similarities, his resentment for you ran deep. That much was clear.

After the supplies were packed tightly into the vehicle, the boys ran back inside to collect the last of their belongings. All except for Changbin, who remained outside with you because he "didn't have anything worth bringing, anyway.” His powerful demeanor held a hint of uneasiness that mirrored your own doubts.

As the two of you stood in silence, you glanced down at the small backpack in your hand, realizing that in your panic to gather essential supplies for the group you’d managed to neglect your own needs. It contained only a handful of your own clothes, and you wished you would have taken the time to pack at least one more pair of pants or maybe a sweater. Something a little warmer than the light jacket you sported now because of the unpredictable nature of the weather. But you'd only been given so much time and weapons and food were far more important than your own comfort in the bigger picture.

With a deep breath you adjusted the straps of the backpack and put your arms through, securing it to your back.

After the vehicle was topped off with fuel, a moment of stillness settled over the group as the nine of you stood in front of Yellow Wood. Your eyes shifted between the boys, taking in the faces of the only individuals in the world you would have no choice but to trust from this moment on.

When your gaze fell to Felix, you were surprised to find his piercing brown eyes already staring back. It was a fleeting moment, a stolen glance lasting no longer than a few seconds, but it caused your heart to ache nonetheless. Because in his eyes you detected something bordering along the lines of a plea for understanding. Almost as if he’d recognized the gravity of what he had done last night, and the choice it had resulted in you having to make.

And yet, your disappointment and frustration with him lingered because last night had left you even more conflicted about your feelings for him than the first night you shared together on the rooftop. It wouldn’t be easy to forget the fear that gripped you the moment you turned the corner and saw the stranger with his hands wrapped tightly around his throat. It would be even harder to dismiss the overwhelming relief that flooded your veins when you found your way back into his arms.

A stolen glance turned into a battlefield of emotions. And you had no intention of losing the war.

Ripping your eyes from Felix, you took one more glance at the building that towered above you. Chan brought everyone back to the present moment when he announced that he was going to run back inside to grab one last thing he had forgotten.

This prompted the rest of boys to begin piling into the rover, with Jeongin and Seungmin first to take their place in the very back amongst the supplies. You trailed Felix with your eyes as he disappeared around the corner of the building, returning only moments later atop the bike, revving the engine and commanding your attention as if it didn't already belong to him. The trace of softness in his eyes had been replaced by ready determination. He brushed his hair back, revealing the sharp features of his face as he tied the signature bandana around the lower half. When you took a few steps in his direction, he looked to you with unspoken expectation that you would join him on the bike as it had become something of a routine between the two of you.

But this time, something within you resisted.

The freckled boy had a blatant, persistent disregard for his own life. Something that you weren't willing to let go of just yet, despite the fact that you weren’t willing to acknowledge why it bothered you to the extent that it did.

But it did.

With every fiber of your being, it did.

So instead of taking your usual place behind him, you crossed right in front of the bike, stepping up to the rover where Jisung was seated in the middle row next to Changbin. You stole a quick glance back at Felix where you found his stare fixed straight ahead, refusing to meet your eyes.

Minho, who had been watching your calculated actions, snickered from his place in the passengers seat.

You put a hand against the open frame of the vehicle and pulled yourself up, glancing between Jisung and the empty seat beside him.

"Thats Hyunjin's spot, but you're more than welcome to take it," he smirked playfully as the taller golden haired boy approached the vehicle behind you.

You shrugged and plopped down next to Jisung. Hyunjin glared at you before surveying the space inside the vehicle. After coming to the conclusion that there wasn't enough room for him amongst the supplies, he sauntered over to Felix who now had his hands clenched tightly around the handles of the bike, posture rigid, as he continued to stare ahead at nothing in particular.

Hyunjin swung a long leg around the bike behind Felix, and something unexpected fell over you when he wrapped his arms around the younger boy's waist. The feeling grew when your intuition told you that it wasn't the first time the two of them had been this close.

When Chan came running back outside, the heavy doors to Yellow Wood slammed shut behind him for the final time, demanding your attention. He took a quick glance between you and Felix, taking note of the peculiar seating arrangement before handing something out to you.

“I knew we had one more lying around somewhere."

You reached for it, running the soft fabric of the bandana through your fingertips. It matched those that the others had worn the night of raid, the ones that each of them had begun to tie around their faces now.

"Put it on, and don't take it off for anyone. Pull your hood up and tuck your hair in too." He spoke firmly, with no room for negotiation. Not that you would have argued anyway. You were well aware that concealing your identity was just as important as making it to Miroh.

You offered up a simple “got it" in return, acknowledging his instruction.

Satisfied with your response, Chan hopped into the driver's seat in front of you where he proceeded to secure his own bandana around his face. You watched from your position as he glanced down to Felix.

"We stay together, Felix, I mean it. Don't do anything stupid,” he emphasized. “If you see any of them out there we handle it together. Like we always do."

Them.

Including not only your father and his army, but the monsters from Felix's past, however many more of them there may be. And you couldn’t help but wonder just how many additional enemies the boys had made out there—enemies that were now yours too, by default. With Chan’s warning, the possibility of separation also creeped in to your mind. The mere thought of someone discovering your true identity sent shivers racing down your spine because the consequences could mean forced separation from the entire group, including the freckled boy staring at you now.

You took a deep breath as the engines roared to life. With one final glance to Felix you had the sudden urge to explain to him that your decision to avoid joining him on the bike was nothing more than a desperate attempt to protect him from the danger that was now inevitable for anyone who came too close to you.

You’d made a promise, after all.

Don’t let me love you.

Your fleeting regret was swallowed by your world falling to pieces again as Chan stepped on the gas pedal and the vehicle jolted forward. You lifted your arms behind your head and tied the bandana around the lower half of your face. In the rearview mirror, you watched as Yellow Wood disappeared behind you, keeping a part of your innocence with it. Buried somewhere with the body in the backyard.

Even if you never laid eyes on it again, you would be forever thankful that it had allowed you one night of euphoric ignorance before taking the plunge into the unknown. Even if that ignorance had ben ripped from your fingers the moment you thrust your knife into the back of a stranger. You just hoped your memories of the night on the rooftop with Felix would be strong enough to distract you from whatever darkness lie ahead. Yellow Wood wasn't good or evil, it was a place. Nothing more than a temporary refuge that had served its purpose for those who had known it lifetimes ago, for eight boys who called it home when they didn’t have anywhere else to go, and for you in your short time spent sheltered inside its walls.

Nothing more, and yet, the loss tugged at your heart as you watched it slip away.

But it certainly wasn't the first time you'd felt this way. And so you decided that maybe there is always a part of yourself left behind when you leave a place permanently, with a gut feeling that you'll never make it back.

You pulled the hood up as the vehicle raced through the trees and down the hill. You leaned your head back against the seat while the wind whipped through the open frame against your face. With half-lidded eyes, you kept a steady gaze on the motorcycle in front, allowing your shoulder to rest against Jisung's. Partly due to the cramped space, but more so because you were vulnerable, and scared, and desperate for any form of comfort.

Like Felix who's own touch you had begun to crave in moments like this, Jisung’s touch was comforting too, just, in a different way. And if you were being honest, in that moment it did little to ease your nerves. But you kept your shoulder pressed firmly against his nonetheless, digging your nails into your palms, counting the minutes in your head.

Before you left, Chan informed you that District 6 was often considered as a kind of physical border between the inner and outer districts. He had also warned you about the unpredictable nature of its atmosphere, and it didn’t take long for you to realize just how right he had been. The air that surrounded you now only magnified the feeling of lifelessness amidst the desolate landscape.

As you ventured further into the outskirts of District 6, once abundant grass gave way to a predominantly barren expanse. With very sparse patches of green, it was a stark contrast to the forest that surrounded Yellow Wood and the thicker vegetation that you were used to seeing deep within District 9. The breeze was cold but the air was stuffy. And it smelled like mortality, and death, and loss, as if even the earth beneath your feet longed to be brought back to life. The atmosphere around you hung low and heavy with a palpable weight. A mixture of smoke, ash, and decay collected against your skin, wrapping you in a suffocating hold. It was smothering and seemed to fall in waves, alternating between thick pockets of dense fog and areas of cleaner air where you took every opportunity to fill your lungs. Each breath you inhaled caused you to cough, and it didn’t take long for the soreness to return to your throat as the pollution in the air left a bitter taste in your mouth. You figured the boys must have been used to the toxicity and the way it clawed at your lungs because although they cleared their throats frequently, they were nowhere near as affected as you.

Felix looked back in the direction of the rover periodically and you met his gaze every single time. Scanning his face for any hint of distress, hoping he wasn't able to sense your own discomfort. Occasionally, his eyes flicked behind him to Hyunjin before returning ahead.

When you came up upon a particularly dense patch of haze covering the earth ahead, Felix slowed the bike and looked to Chan for direction. After quick assessment of the situation, Chan brought a hand up, signaling to Felix to keep moving forward. You gritted your teeth, shifting uncomfortably next to Jisung, and after another quick glance your way Felix took the lead once again. The roar of the bike’s engine echoed throughout the silence in the air when he accelerated.

When the air around you turned heavy and your incessant coughing resumed, Jisung decided he’d had enough of your suffering. He turned you into his shoulder and pulled the hood higher up over your head so that you could breathe into his shirt. You stayed like that for a while, burying your face further into him despite the fact that you didn’t like not having eyes on the horizon or more specifically, the motorcycle up ahead. But you didn’t have much of a choice as taking slow, deliberate breaths through the fabric of his shirt acted like a filter, bringing a significant amount of relief to your aching lungs.

As the moments passed, it felt increasingly foreign to share such an intimate moment with someone other than Felix. Not that you were comfortable with him yet by any means, you had never really been comfortable with anyone that wasn’t Jisoo, but part of you wished it was him that you were clinging to instead. And even if you couldn't deny the importance of the bond you were beginning to form with Jisung, somewhere buried deep down, a very selfish part of you wished it was Felix instead.

The rover tore up the ground as it moved and when the atmosphere thinned around you once again, Jisung tapped your shoulder lightly.

Slowly, you lifted your head to meet his eyes.

“You good?” he called out, raising his voice to compete with the sound of the engine.

Your head was beginning to throb, you felt more than a little dizzy, and with every bump the rover came across your stomach churned violently, but you managed to give him a soft nod in return. Keeping the bike in your peripherals, you locked eyes with Chan in the rearview mirror. He studied your face for a moment before leaning over and shouting something to Minho that was inaudible to you over the roar of the engine.

Minho pushed the heavy gun in his lap to the side as he bent down to grab something from the floor in front of him, coming back up with a canteen in his hand.

When he turned around and handed it out to you you could have sworn that you saw the faintest glimmer of sympathy in his eyes. Although you quickly acknowledged that it was probably just the lack of fresh air messing with your senses….because there was no way in hell that Minho of all people gave a shit about your condition. As far as you knew, he was probably getting some sick sense of enjoyment out of your misery.

As the minutes blurred into hours and the hours blurred into each other, impossible to track when you couldn’t see the position of the sun in the sky through the clouds, the landscape began to change again before your eyes. Up ahead, the earth transformed into a gradual incline, taking the shape of a towering hill that stretched far and wide. Making note of the change in surroundings, Felix brought the bike to a temporary halt, allowing Chan to catch up once again.

The freckled boy pulled down his bandana and raised his voice, shouting over the rumble of both engines as they idled. It was difficult to hear but you managed to catch a few of his words, leading you to believe that he was suggesting that he and Hyunjin check out the area up ahead before the rest of the group. His proposition made you tense, and your heart quickened when Chan accepted, instructing Felix to stay within sight. Earning a nod from both boys in return.

Taking note of your concern, Jisung leaned down and responded with an encouraging “They’re just going to check it out. Don’t worry, its all good,” before landing a hand on your knee and squeezing for added reassurance.

Felix tensed as he observed your interaction. And it didn't matter that he couldn't feel the warmth of the sun against his skin, because he felt searing flames rise up inside of him when he caught a glimpse of the way you looked at Jisung. Maybe he deserved to feel like this.

His heart skipped a beat when you turned from Jisung to met his own eyes. He held your stare until Chan asked for the second time what he was waiting for and he swiftly turned back around, replacing the bandana over his face.

You watched intently with the rest of the boys as the bike climbed the elevated landscape up ahead. At the top, Felix turned to Hyunjin and the two appeared to share quick word.

Felix looked back.

The motorcycle engine revved.

“Don’t do it…” Changbin muttered from the other side of Jisung, and your grip on the edge of the seat tightened as the bike took off in the opposite direction, descending down the hill and out of your line of sight. In front of you, Chan spat out a curse before slamming the key in the ignition and restarting the engine.

It wasn’t until the rover reached the top of the hill that you caught sight of what had captured their attention. On the other side, the earth descended into a wide valley that looked as if it might have been home to a mighty river once. It was now dry and almost entirely barren, aside from a handful of dying trees and brush. At the bottom, a small beige tent sat partially covered by faint gray smoke that rose up from a pile of dying embers at its side. You spotted Felix and Hyunjin beside it, already inspecting the seemingly abandoned campsite.

Minho leaned over to speak to Chan who you watched in the mirror, far too focused on the scene before you to respond. He gripped the steering wheel, ultimately coming to the conclusion that he had no choice but to step on the gas. He brought the rover to a stop beside the tent at the valley’s lowest point as the engine’s rumble faded into silence.

“Nobody touch anything,” Chan warned, his eyes scanning the surroundings for any signs of hidden threats, “-and stay alert. We shouldn’t even be doing this, we need to keep moving.”

But the boys were hungry and eager to stretch their legs, so they got out and began rummaging through the bags of supplies in search of one with food in it. Changbin pulled out a sizable gun from the back, his fingers gripping it confidently, and Minho cocked his own weapon when his feet hit the earth. Seungmin slung the bow around his shoulder and loaded an arrow, heeding Chan’s warning to stay alert.

As soon as you dropped down from the vehicle your eyes went right to Felix who, despite his quick decision to approach the campsite, appeared visibly uneasy. His eyes scanned the area repeatedly until they landed on you at which point there was a subtle shift in his demeanor, a flicker of vulnerability in his expression. After a moment, he subtly made his way over. You noticed the slight twitch of his fingers as his gaze traveled up and down down your figure, almost as if he wanted to reach out to you, but he held himself back.

Part of you wished that he hadn’t.

Because the vulnerable moment between the two of you was quickly shattered when Chan came storming in from behind you, shoving Felix's shoulder, causing him to stagger slightly.

“Did you not hear what I said about staying in sight?!” He exclaimed, his voice rising with every syllable that fell from his lips.

Felix steadied himself and took a step back in defense before responding, his voice tinged with a hint of defiance. “We needed to make sure it was safe, you should have stayed behind until we knew it was clear-"

“-We could have gone another way!” Chan’s words rang out as he closed the space between them again.

“There isn’t time!" Minho interjected, hurrying over and positioning himself between the two, firmly reminding Chan to keep his voice down.

The group behind you fell silent as they witnessed the exchange. And Minho wasn't exactly wrong. After all, the campsite did appear to be abandoned and to completely avoid it would have taken more time, more fuel, more risk in changing the route. Although that didn’t necessarily imply the need to come down and inspect it up close..

"Fucking reckless. Both of you." Chan shook his head at Felix and Hyunjin before turning around to address the group as a whole. “Let’s just get the hell out of here. We can find somewhere else to stop and rest after the sun goes down,” he continued.

And because the unsettling scene before you made your skin crawl, you were more than eager to oblige.

You went to take a step in the direction of the rover when your foot caught on something, causing you to stumble and collide into Hyunjin at your side. You looked up at him with wide eyes, lifting your hands from his firm chest, bracing yourself for a particularly unpleasant reaction, but you were surprised to find his gaze fixated on the ground behind you instead. Following his stare, you spun around where your eyes landed on something at your feet.

A small gold medallion lay nestled in the grass. You bent down to pick it up and your stomach twisted sickly as you ran your thumb across the surface to wipe off the dirt.

There, in your palm, engraved on the medallion lie your family crest.

The sight sent a shockwave throughout your body as you staggered backward, dropping the medallion, and clutching your chest. The startling realization that the campsite belonged to your father's men, that they had stood in this very spot, that they had been this close, absolutely shattered your composure.

In an instant, all eight boys surrounded you, although you hardly registered them at all as your vision tunneled back to the medallion on the ground.

“Everyone get back to the vehicles. Now.” Chan commanded after examining the pendant for himself. His voice came out as stable as he could manage, but the worry was evident.

In an instant, before anyone was able to take another step, Hyunjin swiftly reached for your arm, his touch was abrupt and forceful as he yanked you backward. A gust of wind brushed by your head, followed by the sharp crack of a bullet embedding itself in the tree to your side. The close call sent adrenaline coursing through your veins and you looked up in shock, locking eyes with Felix whose expression mirrored your own horror. Without a second to thank Hyunjin for quite literally saving your life, all nine of you snapped your heads in the direction that the bullet had come from. The silence that followed the gunshot was shattered by the deafening roar of an engine.

A second rover, identical to the one that had brought you here, emerged over the top of the hill on the other side of the valley.

Nothing you had been put through up to this point could have prepared you for what flooded over you at the sight of the vehicle. Not the final execution you had witnessed at the palace, or the feeling of the knife in your hand as it ripped through a stranger. None of it could ever have compared to the terror that gripped you in that moment.

Because you had been able to protect Felix last night, but you wouldn't be able to save any of them from the impending threat hurdling toward you now.

In less than a second, the world around you descended into chaos.

Sounds blended together into an incomprehensible mess. Unfamiliar voices rang out from up ahead, intertwining with the distant engine of the vehicle and the thundering of gunfire. Chan, you thought, yelled out again for everyone to get back to the vehicles, although his words were quickly swallowed by the madness.

It made sense why your fathers guards would resort to shooting without hesitation. Nobody outside of your father’s army should have had access to a rover like the one parked just feet from you now. Nobody except for the only group of people they knew did have access to one. Because they had watched them use it to escape the night of the raid.

And because of your partially concealed face, how ironic it was that the guards had absolutely no idea that it was you they had almost put a bullet through.

Paralyzing fear took over your body as you watched them close in, rendering your legs immobile. You turned back around, locking eyes with Felix who began to step toward you with his hand outstretched. Just as his fingers brushed against yours, a bullet whizzed between the two of you, forcing him to stumble back.

Suddenly, you felt a powerful tug wrench you away from Felix as Changbin seized hold of you, forcefully guiding you in the opposite direction toward the rover. His voice bellowed out through the chaos as he shouted at Felix to get back to the bike. The freckled boy nodded curtly, eyes trained on you as you fought against Changbin while he tried to push your head down in an attempt to further conceal your identity. Your body resisted his hold, instincts pulling you toward Felix as you desperately wanted to break free and join him on the bike, but it was no use. Changbin was far stronger than you. With one arm around you, Changbin swiftly tossed Hyunjin his gun and without hesitation Hyunjin mounted the bike behind Felix as the engine roared to life.

No matter how much you struggled in Changbin’s grasp, his hold on you remained steadfast. Without a choice, you yielded to his guidance as he pulled you up into the rover. Jisung quickly took the empty spot beside you, but your eyes never wavered from Felix. You watched intently as he turned the handlebars of the bike. Pointing them in the direction of the approaching vehicle, he tightened his grip on the throttle and accelerated a short way before skidding to the side and turning back around. He began to trace a daring path back and forth, kicking a thick cloud of dust into the air and drawing attention to the bike as Hyunjin took aim at your father’s men.

Despite your initial shock at his actions, it soon became clear that he was trying distract the guards. To obstruct their vision and buy enough precious time for the rest of you to escape.

From his place in the driver's seat, Chan caught on to Felix's plan just as soon as you did. His eyes widened with realization before he forced the key into the ignition. You tried to stand despite Changbin and Jisung pulling you back down. Raising your voice, you yelled out to Chan as he started the engine, fighting against the boys.

“What are you doing?! We can’t just leave them!”

Your heart pounded in your chest as time surrounding the rover stood still. Every single one of the boys around you held their breath as Chan hesitated, hands trembling slightly against the steering wheel, conflicting emotions evident on his face as he looked back to Felix and Hyunjin. The weight of the decision bore down on him, the responsibility of every single one of your lives in his hands, and for a moment it almost seemed as if he wasn’t going to be able to make the choice. Until Felix looked back, his deep voice booming throughout the chaos.

“Go! Get out of here!”

Chan’s voice cracked as he yelled out in response, “You know where we are! Meet us-“

“-I know! GO!” Felix shouted back, voice laced with urgency. “We’re right behind you!” and then he ducked to avoid an incoming bullet as Hyunjin swiftly fired back in the direction that it had come from. Minho stood and joined him in sending a few bullets toward your fathers men before he bent back down, hands reaching for the steering wheel as he jerked it to the side, yelling out to Chan that you needed to go now.

When the vehicle began to move, your heart was on the brink of exploding within your chest, as the weight of the world on your shoulders threatened to engulf you completely.

A promise that he would find his way back to you.

And then he tore his eyes from yours as Hyunjin shouted at him to “move!”, directing him to use the bike to create another diversion for your escape.

With only a moment to spare, Chan spinned around in his seat and placed a firm hand on your shoulder.

"Look at me, y/n look at me,” you turned to face him, eyes glossy with tears, “Felix knows what he's doing, he's fast with the bike and Hyunjin is a near perfect shot,” his panicked words were meant come across as reassuring but the expression on his face sure as hell wasn't.

Either way, Chan was a leader, and he did what leaders were supposed to do. He made the impossible, life-altering, split-second decisions. And so with a stern glance to Changbin who tightened his grip on you, he turned back around and stepped forcefully on the gas pedal.

And it's probably a good thing you weren't in his position, because you never would have been able to leave the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes behind. Not when it meant leaving a part of yourself, behind too.

You couldn’t breathe.

You really couldn’t breathe.

As the rover surged ahead, racing into the setting sun, your focus remained fixed on the valley as it disappeared behind you. Panic coursed through your veins, constricting your chest and clouding your senses. After you had gotten far enough away, Changbin released you and you leaned forward immediately, raising your voice to reach Chan's ears.

“How could you leave them behind!? We have to go back-we have to-“ As the words tumbled out from your lips in a frantic rush, you looked around to the rest of the boys behind you. They remained still, even Jisung avoided your eyes now.

“What are you doing?! We have to-” you turned back to Chan but before you could form any kind of a coherent sentence, he jerked the vehicle harshly to the side, causing you to grab onto the frame above until it came to a skidding halt. As the dust settled around you, Chan whirled around to face you. His resolute expression did little to conceal how shaken he was by having to leave the boys behind.

“Do you think that was easy for me?! Do you think that was easy for any of us?!”

His words carried through the air, and a pang of guilt struck you when you saw the burden of the responsibility that he carried reflected in his eyes.

“If one of them had recognized you…“

Your stomach twisted as the guilt intensified, because deep down you knew he never would have left Felix and Hyunjin behind if it weren’t for you. But he didn’t have a choice. If any one of your father’s men had recognized you it would have meant disaster in the form of certain death for every single one of them.

The weight of the boys’ emotions pressed down on you. Not a single sound escaped their lips as they watched your interaction with Chan. Not even Minho took the opportunity to further solidify the fact that this was all your fault.

“Where we’re going, we’ll be safe for the night. It’s close, and Felix has been there before so he knows where to go,” Chan cleared his throat before adding “they’re right behind us.”

And then he glanced to the skyline over your shoulder but you didn’t need to do the same to know what you’d find there.

They weren’t right behind you.

“Where...." your voice trembled as it took everything in you to fight back tears.

“Someone Felix and I have known for a very long time. An…acquaintance,” his own voice faltered on the word “acquaintance” before continuing. “I was trying to avoid it, but we don’t have a choice. We can’t stay out in the open tonight.”

Trying to avoid it.

Likely meaning that it was one of the areas he’d crossed out earlier when you were planning the route. A place he had originally hoped to steer clear of, but the circumstances had evidently forced his hand.

“We will find a way back to them, I promise.” This time, Chan wasn’t just speaking to you. He was also addressing the boys who were equally as shaken, but his words weren’t enough to ease the doubt in your mind.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Chan.

You sat back without another word, turning your focus up ahead where something caught your attention.

Two figures.

Shadowed by the setting sun, riding atop two powerful animals that as far as you knew, had been extinct for hundreds of years. Animals you couldn’t remember the name of because you never really paid much attention to your private tutoring lessons, not that it mattered. The sight of them was enough to render you speechless.

Chan spun back around and you studied his face in the mirror as recognition fell across it.

“It’s her….” he mumbled under his breath, looking to Minho seated beside him.

Her.

As the figures drew nearer, you realized that the one leading the way was a woman.

Chan addressed the group quickly, conveying that he and he alone would handle the conversation. He locked eyes with you, pausing for a moment before reaching out to pull the hood back over your head. When Jisung and Changbin settled in closer to you, you looked up to Jisung, finding brief solace in his eyes before putting your head down.

Unable to resist the curiosity when the strangers reached the side of the vehicle, you shifted to catch a glimpse of the woman from underneath your hood. She possessed an air of maturity, with long dark hair that cascaded down her shoulders and sides, streaked heavily with grey. One half of her face exhibited what appeared to be burn scars, extending all the way down her arm. Her presence exuded a quiet strength that demanded respect, and her beauty was evident even despite the scars. The male to her side was younger than you had initially thought. Several decades younger than her, he seemed to be around the same age as you and the boys. Reddish hair fell down to frame the enticing features of his face, and you were beginning to wonder if it was this common for everyone outside of District 9 to possess such ethereal beauty. He sported similar attire as the woman. Fairly well put together, their clothing was obviously worn but not nearly as much as you’d expect for someone who resided in District 6.

As they brought the animals to a stop, the woman appeared to recognize Chan immediately. Alone, he stepped down to greet her as she remained atop the animal, tightly gripping its long mane.

“Chris," her voice carried a velvety, alluring tone, "its been quite a while, hasn’t it?”

A silent exchange passed between the two, characterized by familiarity and a touch of tension. The strange name she used to address him with left you even more curious about the actual depth of their relationship.

The woman turned to the rover, scanning the faces inside. When her eyes fell to you, they widened ever so slightly. An eyebrow arched in intrigue as her lips parted, and you quickly leaned into Jisung once again.

“It has, Hira.” Chan acknowledged her before turning his attention to the male at her side, addressing him as “Yeonjun.” The two shared a quick greeting before Chan, or Chris, began to explain the nature of the group's situation, carefully selecting which details to share and what to withhold. He told the woman, Hira, that you were in desperate need of a place to stay for the night. When she asked where the group was headed, he replied with “District seven, in search of a permanent place to settle”. When she asked how you had obtained the vehicle, he offered an explanation that was even more vague. Stating that the group had just “come across it, abandoned, fully stocked with supplies.”

How ridiculous.

Even you would have been able to come up with something better than that..and you were worried there was no way in hell she could be gullible enough to believe the lies that spilled from his mouth.

Chan concluded his explanation by revealing the separation from Felix and Hyunjin, at which point you couldn’t help but steal another glance at Hira. She appeared to understand the gravity of your situation without him ever needing to mention your fathers guards or why the group had been forced to split up in the first place.

As she processed his words, her eyes gravitated to you once again. A shiver descended your spine as they bore into you, as if she was trying to catch a glimpse of your soul. Unsure of exactly how much she knew or what she could unravel with a single glance, it filled you with unease. When she looked back to Chan, a haunting smile fell across her scarred face.

“You know that you and your people are always more than welcome to stay with me and mine, Chris. Take as long as you need. I trust that you remember the…conditions to my hospitality. That-"

"-there is always a cost." The two spoke in unison, the woman and Chan.

"Ah yes," she smiled again, pleased with his response. "The weapons you provided Yeonjun with last time were in pristine condition, they have already sold for a generous sum." A flash of greed danced across her eyes as they fell to the gun in Minho's hands. "It seems as though you've come prepared this time. How long will you be staying?"

“Just the night,” he paused before adding, "we will be able to compensate you fairly.” And then he reached out and motioned for Minho to toss him the gun. After Minho obliged, Chan handed it over to the woman. She examined it closely, eyes gleaming with satisfaction as she turned the weapon over in her hands. "And i trust you have more where this came from?" She looked to him and he nodded.

"Three more. Four in total," she proposed.

"Two more. Three in total," Chan responded, a hint of reservation in his tone.

She contemplated his offer, narrowing her stare when they locked eyes.

"Deal, but only because of the impeccable condition, such remarkable craftsmanship..." She ran her hands across the cool metal once more before adding "You can follow me back to Clé, it’s not far from here as I'm sure you know.”

She then turned to address the male beside her. “Yeonjun will ride ahead to collect your friends."

The mention of Felix reignited the ache within your chest. The sudden appearance of the mysterious strangers had provided a fleeting distraction, but with each passing moment in their presence your longing for him began to resurface at full force.

The woman’s lingering eyes stole one last glance at you before tugging on the animal’s mane. The sound of hooves filled the air when she turned and began to lead the way. Yeonjun followed her command, guiding his own animal behind you in the opposite direction, and you watched until he disappeared into the shadows cast by the setting sun.

As the rover began to move, Minho leaned in to Chan and the two engaged in hushed conversation. You listened intently, trying to pick out any words you could but it was no use. Sinking back into the seat between Changbin and Jisung, you closed your eyes and pictured the freckled boy in your mind, desperately clinging on to whatever fading shred of hope you had left that you would ever see him again.

The sunset painted the cloudy sky with fiery tones.

And Hira was right, it didn’t take long, fifteen minutes maybe, before you spotted the silhouette of a small structure in the distance. It stood alone against the backdrop of scorching orange and red hues, appearing as though it had become one with the unforgiving terrain over time. A forgotten outcast, sheltered among dying trees with branches like skeletal fingers reaching up to touch the sky.

Following her lead, Chan brought the vehicle around to the backside of the house where Hira tied the animal to a nearby post. When you hopped down, the loose dirt beneath your feet emitted a satisfying crunch. Looking up, a jolt of surprise coursed through you as you were met with Hira's dark eyes. Taken aback by her close proximity and fascinated stare, you stumbled into Jeongin, who had just landed on the ground behind you. You reached behind, grabbing onto him for stability as she lifted an arm and carefully removed your hood, taking a piece of your hair into her hand.

She studied it between her fingers as if she were utterly perplexed before muttering underneath her breath "beautiful."

Chan cleared his throat, and you looked up to see all eyes on you. As if nothing had happened at all, the woman released your hair, seamlessly joining Chan in leading the group to the front of the building. It might have been the first time you had officially interacted with Jeongin, but you only tightened your hold on his sleeve as you moved. Thankfully he didn't seem to mind as he stuck by your side while the rest of the boys formed a protective barrier around the two of you. During the brief introductions that took place as you approached the building, you avoided the woman's gaze when you told her that your name was Jisoo.

The two-story structure before you stood as a testament to the relentless passage of time. Its frame, originally crafted from wood, bore the marks of age through faded green paint, chipping away like scars left behind by countless years. Open windows had been sealed off from the inside by sturdy wooden boards, creating an air of secrecy. The door, no longer a solid barrier, was covered by a long tattered curtain that matched the colors of the setting sun behind you. It swayed gently in the breeze.

In front of you, Hira brushed back the curtain to reveal a candlelit interior. The ceiling was low, creating a sense of confinement. In a way, it reminded you of the tavern in District 7, although the atmosphere inside was stagnant and held an air of something far less innocent.

It became evident shortly after stepping inside that this was a gathering spot for people who had found themselves on the fringes of society, seeking something more than just refuge. Because as Hira walked you through the lower level, hushed whispers and soft murmurs floated through the air, accompanied by occasional gasps of pleasure. You caught glimpses of intimate encounters through cracked doors, meeting the eyes of individuals in various states of undress whose beauty was contrasted by the sadness in their eyes.

After passing through a small area that appeared to serve as a kitchen for Hira and her guests, with a wooden table and a few mismatched chairs, you found yourselves back at the main room. Just inside the entrance.

Under the premise of supposed safety, your longing for Felix turned insufferable. Because you didn't really care if any of you were safe until you knew that he was too.

As if Chan had been plagued by the same thought, his voice split the silence.

"Its dark now..it might be safe enough for me to…maybe I should go out and look for the others..." His words were directed to Hira, although you couldn't be sure whether he was asking for permission or informing her of his intention. Either way, his growing concern was evident.

With firm resolve, the woman responded with a simple "No, that won't be necessary." And as if he had been expecting her response, Changbin stepped forward immediately, ready to argue, but he paused when she raised a hand and addressed Chan once more.

"Something tells me you know that it is wiser for you to remain here. Yeonjun has never failed me in a request, and I trust that he will return with your friends." Changbin stepped back and Chan fell silent. His usual authority seemed to vanish in her presence, leaving you even more curious about the dynamics between the two. About the experiences they'd shared while you were eating seasoned meals and taking hot baths to cleanse skin that was already clean.

Time had never moved so painfully, agonizingly, slow. Your profound understanding of the very real danger Felix and Hyunjin were in ate away at you with every passing second. Unable to sit still even after the others had settled down on the floor or the worn out furniture, you paced the room until Jisung silently called you over, patting the ground beside him against one of the walls. Your leg continued to shake uncontrollably even after you sat down, and it wasn’t until Seungmin came over to join you on your other side that you were able to stop. For the same reason you had chosen to sit by him the first night around the fire, something about Seungmin's presence made you worry just a little less.

As everyone anxiously awaited the return of the boys, even Hira had her eyes trained on the door whenever she wasn’t looking your way. Her not-so-subtle fascination with you only added to your overall unease, mostly because you just couldn't shake the feeling that her interest in the groups wellbeing went far beyond an innocent desire to help. Even if her and “Chris” happened to be old friends. Or acquaintances, or whatever the hell he’d called her. But you didn't really care about trying to decipher any of that right now. Not when all you could think about was the freckled boy who you'd let slip through your fingertips earlier.

Who you had failed to protect.

After a seemingly endless stretch of time, the curtain covering the door shifted ever so slightly and the room stood in unison, yourself included.

It was pulled back by Yeonjun now standing at the entrance. You took a step forward, gaze darting past him immediately. Desperately searching for any glimpse of dark hair behind him, your eyes were met with gold instead.

Hyunjin.

You released a steady exhale. Aside from a few smudges of dirt on his otherwise flawless features, he appeared to be relatively unscathed. Your nervousness eased at the sight of his familiar face, but it wasn’t until Felix stepped through the threshold behind him that you felt like you could breathe again.

For the first time since you had been forced to leave him behind, you could breathe.

You leaned forward as your eyes scanned every inch of his figure. He appeared slightly more disheveled than Hyunjin, with tousled hair and a small cut to his cheek, but he was alive, breathing, unharmed. The sight of him standing before made you ache to wrap him in your arms, but you remained rooted where you stood. As if your feet were shackled to the ground by invisible chains that warned of the danger that came with exposing the extent of your feelings to everyone in the room. So you masked your relief with a faint smile that lasted only a fraction of a second.

But you were certain Felix had seen it.

A low sigh escaped his lips, barely audible despite the silence in the room. Unbeknownst to you, it was a breath he had been holding since the very moment you had been torn apart. Nobody else seemed to notice the way you looked only to each other, or maybe they did, but you didn't really care.

Chan approached the boys first. He put an arm around both of their shoulders and whispered something to them before turning around to thank Yeonjun for their safe return. Hira nodded in acknowledgement when Chan introduced her to Hyunjin, but there didn't appear to be a need for introductions between her and Felix. The familiarity between Felix and Yeonjun was also apparent, although whatever it was between them came off as more of an uncomfortable, awkward tension than anything else.

Before the rest of the boys had a chance to approach Felix and Hyunjin, Hira commanded the room's attention. She guided the group back into the kitchen, over to a receded staircase in the corner that you hadn't noticed the first time. Yeonjun swiftly found his way to her side and you eyed them cautiously as they engaged in hushed conversation at the front of the group.

Wooden steps creaked underneath your feet as you climbed the stairs, worn with time and countless journeys up and down. At the top was a long hallway lined by closed doors, peeling wallpaper, and flickering candles. You made note of what appeared to be a supply closet just off the landing. The door was slightly ajar and you observed a small pile of blankets and crates stacked inside. Nearly empty, aside from a very meager handful of supplies.

Hira pointed out two rooms at the end of the corridor where you and the boys were to sleep for the night. Chan and Minho shared a glance, acknowledging that they didn't have much choice but to accept.

And Felix never left your side.

Or maybe you never left his. Either way, whether by conscious choice or something less deliberate, you mirrored each others steps the entire way up the stairs and back down again. The subtle brush of his arm against yours spoke volumes, but you were desperate for more. To to hear him tell you that he was okay. To feel the warmth of his skin against yours.

Bodies weary, the group followed Hira back down the steps into the kitchen where the small table now held an assortment of miscellaneous scraps of food. You were each offered a bowl, and you gladly accepted. Without enough chairs for everyone around the table, Jisung, Changbin, and Seungmin made themselves comfortable on the floor with their backs leaned against the wall, bowls in hand. Just as you were preparing to join them, with Felix right on your heels, Hira's voice cut through the air, interrupting your action.

"No, dear, sit here by my side. I insist." You glanced up to where she sat at the head of the table. Her words were accompanied by a very poor attempt at a welcoming smile that only caused you to recoil backward into Felix.

You looked to Chan for direction and when he nodded you hesitantly obliged, walking over to take the seat to her right, directly across from Chan who sat at her other side.

Without waiting for his own invitation, Felix slid down into the empty seat beside you. Jeongin ended up across from Felix, with Yeonjun positioning himself the other end of the table across from Hira. Minho opted to lean against the doorway to the kitchen, while Hyunjin claimed the spot on the floor that you had originally planned on taking next to Seungmin.

As dinner progressed, Hira spoke solely to Chan. She brought up stories of their past encounters and the atmosphere tensed further whenever he let out an occasional bout of strained laughter. The rest of the group remained quiet as they feigned interest in the scraps of food that had been placed in front of them, and you did the same. Gritting your teeth as you stared at the bowl because the faster you got through this night, the faster you would be able to get the hell out of here.

The faster you would be able to find a moment alone with Felix. Which was the only thing that mattered to you now.

Throughout the meal, Hira's eyes continuously fell to you, just as they had from the moment she'd first caught sight of you earlier. And despite the fact that she was supposedly listening to Chan, she didn't seem to have any interest in him or their conversation whatsoever.

It became increasingly evident that you weren’t the only one aware of her strange behavior. Beside you, Felix’s grip on the roll of bread in his hand tightened with every second that her eyes remained fixed on you. As if a protective instinct was taking hold of him in response to her unwavering interest.

Just as Chan began to cautiously navigate his way through a story about a time several years ago when he'd crossed paths with Hira in District 4, she curtly interrupted him, turning to face you directly.

"You know dear, there is room for you here," she purred, reaching out to place a palm over your clenched fist where it rest on the table.

Her cold touch sent an icy shockwave up your arm.

Chan stopped talking mid sentence, Jisung nearly choked on his food behind you, and your entire body froze. Your eyes widened as you lifted your gaze from the bowl in front of you, looking to Chan for help. But his expression only mirrored your own shock as his mouth fell slightly agape while you stared at each other in disbelief.

Before either you or Chan could find the words, Felix's voice sliced through the tension in the air like a blade. Resonating dangerously low, it nearly shook the room beside you.

"She. Stays. With. Us." he growled through clenched teeth, putting sharp emphasis on each individual word. The roll of bread in his hand crumpled beyond repair as he used every muscle in his body to keep his restraint.

Hana's gaze flickered from you to Felix, engaging in a silent standoff, until her eyes began to shift back and forth between the two of you. A sly grin fell across her face as she pieced together the fact that there was something more between you and Felix. Something that went far beyond what you had with the rest of the boys. Far beyond camaraderie or the mutual need to depend on each other for survival. She looked back to you with envy in her eyes, a lingering possessiveness, and after a few more moments of uncomfortable silence she did something not a single one of you could have expected.

She began to laugh.

A chilling sound that started out quiet before building loud enough to echo throughout the entire room. Felix's stare spoke volumes as his eyes remained trained on the woman at your side, piercing and unyielding, making it more than clear that he didn't find anything funny about the situation at all. Your heart pounded in your ears, your breath caught in your throat, and every single hair on the back of your neck stood on end before her laughter ended just as abruptly as it had begun. Her facial expression shifting once again to that of an eery stoicism.

“You all must be exhausted after such a long day. Rest well tonight and replenish your strength,” she addressed the group as a whole before turning back to Felix. Her final words were directed solely at him. “A tired mind is dangerous companion.”

Without another word she rose gracefully from her seat, the scraping of her chair against the floor only adding to the unsettling feeling in the air. She swiftly exited the room with Yeonjun following closely behind.

Every single one of the boys remained motionless. With their eyes glued to Chan, they waited for him to offer any form of direction but he appeared to be just as taken aback as the rest of you by her actions. By her offer to you.

When he finally regained the ability to speak, it was barely above a whisper. “She's right...lets just take the opportunity to rest for a few hours. We'll be safe here for the night.”

Why does he keep saying that.

We aren't safe anywhere.

Chan stood, and just as Yeonjun had hurried after Hana, the boys mirrored his actions. They got up and approached the staircase at the other end of the kitchen. At your side, Felix was the only one who had yet to move a muscle.

Chan’s knowing eyes said it all as he looked back at the two of you one last time before leaving you to yourselves, ascending the staircase behind the rest of the group. Probably a mistake, on his part, to leave you alone. Not that he could have known the depth of your emotions or the fleeting nature of your self control.

Felix sat rigid as he fixated on the wall in front of him.

Something brought you back to this morning, when you’d refused to join him on the bike in an attempt to push down your growing feelings. Stupid, stupid feelings that threatened to ruin everything whenever you found yourself alone with him.

You remembered the promise you had made to him on the rooftop.

Don't let me love you.

Slowly, you got up from your chair.

Felix did the same.

Just walk away, y/n. Turn around. Go upstairs. Go to sleep.

Walk. Away.

Standing beside you now, facing you, inches from you, he looked you up and down. He reached for your wrist and ran his thumb over a small cut on your forearm that you hadn't even realized was there.

Without a word, he set your arm back down at your side and took a step past you in the direction of the staircase.

Don’t look back. Just let him go.

Let. Him. Go.

Fuck-

“-Wait” You muttered, grabbing onto his arm and pulling him with you across the kitchen to the foot of the staircase, partially hidden in between the recessed walls. His eyes darted upward as the boys retreated into their designated rooms. And you stayed like that, pressed up against him in the small space until the doors closed behind them.

As soon as they clicked shut, you blurted out the first thing that came to your mind.

“Are you fucking insane?! What the hell were you thinking earlier? Staying behind like that.” Struggling to keep your voice down, the words came out a bit more accusatory than you had originally intended. But now that he was in front of you, now that you knew he was safe, you couldn’t help but express a little frustration.

“I was just...doing what needed to be done.” He answered, voice husky and low, eyes dark and inviting. Your brow furrowed as you searched for the right response. Literally anything to convey how much his continued disregard for his own life drove you absolutely mad. But no words seemed adequate enough.

Maybe you would have come up with something eventually, if the growing closeness between you wasn't making it impossible to concentrate on anything other than how badly you wanted him to rail you senseless.

For fucks sake. Get it together.

After a moment, a subtle curl formed at the corner of his upper lip.

"What, were you worried about me princess?" He mused, poking his tongue into his cheek.

"I'm serious!" You shot back in a rather poor attempt to conceal the fact that his accusation and such a simple, simple action could have you so impossibly weak at the knees.

"You heard Chan. We were supposed to stay together. All of us, which includes you. Because we need you."

Because I need you, idiot.

The smugness fell from his face as his expression began to soften.

“And yeah, maybe I am tired of watching you try to get yourself killed but that doesn't mea-" before you could finish reprimanding him, Felix leaned down and captured your lips between his.

You pulled back, eyes wide.

"What are you-" but your words were cut off again when you went to take a step back and nearly tripped on the staircase behind you, instinctively reaching for his arms to steady yourself.

Amusement spread across his face, as if he was proud of himself for making you fall apart like his. His reaction made your cheeks flush hot with embarrassment but before you could utter another word he moved in again. Your hands betrayed you as they pulled him closer, but instead of kissing you again like you’d expected Felix ducked his head to your neck where he began to pepper the sensitive skin with a number of light kisses. You glanced upstairs where the boys had retreated for the night, then back down across the kitchen where Hana and Yeonjun had disappeared only moments before.

“What if someone-” You pulled back for a second time.

"Let them,” he mumbled against your skin. "Its not like they don't already suspect it,” he added while running his tongue along the fading mark on your neck that you’d forgotten was there.

“And you’re alright with that?” You nearly moaned out the final word when he began to suck lightly at the tender spot on your neck, barely having time to finish your sentence before he forcefully reconnected your lips.

Felix was more than alright with that.

But of course, its not like he had meant for this to happen. He really did have every intention of following the others upstairs. He really did. Its just that he’d narrowly missed about 17 bullets today, half of them aimed at his head, which had him fairly convinced that he might actually never get to see you again. So the sight of you in his arms now, lust and concern etched beautifully across your face as you looked to him as if he was your entire world, had him overcome with the need to be inside of you.

And you really hadn't meant to end up like this either, shamelessly pulling him in by the collar as he cradled your face in his hands. Succumbing to the magnetic pull that urged you to follow him as he took a step backward up the stairs. There were so many things you wanted to say to him about his past, to ask him why he had taken the blame for killing the intruder, and you still weren't done scolding him for his decision to stay behind earlier. But none of it mattered in that moment. Because he was safe, he’d managed to find his way back to you, and you wanted nothing more than to show him just how thankful you were for that.

"m' glad you're okay" the words slipped from your lips on accident between kisses as you followed him up the stairs. You swallowed quickly before adding “I-I mean because, you know....they were worried about you..the others.”

“Oh really?” he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip, and you hummed in agreement before granting him access.

You wrapped your arms around his neck from where you now stood on the step above him. When he looked up into your eyes, a conflicted expression washed over his features before he lifted his head to kiss you again.

"Lix," you mumbled against his lips when you took the last step at the top of the staircase.

"Yeah, princess?" He breathed out, meeting you on the landing where his hands slid down to rest at the back of your thighs, just below your ass, pulling you closer. You spoke against his lips when he moved in to reconnect them to yours.

“This doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you."

"Mhmm" he tightened his grip on your thighs.

"It doesn't mean I hate you any less," you continued, nipping at his bottom lip and pulling it back in your teeth. "Because I do, you know?”

And his eyes were dark when you opened yours to look back at him, pupils blown wide.

"Whatever you say, sweetheart."

That was new.

And then, with a firm squeeze at your thighs, Felix effortlessly lifted you up, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as your arms circled his neck. His hands cupped your ass and you kissed him like that for some time. Shamelessly giving in to the uncontrollable desire that had brought you together in the first place, in a dim candlelit hallway, surrounded on either side by rooms full of sleeping travelers and the rest of the boys. And none of it mattered. You would have kissed him until your lips bled, running your hands through his hair, your tongues battling for dominance.

But Felix made it very clear that he wanted more.

He moved until your back hit the wall behind you and you gripped him tighter to keep yourself upright. When he pressed his hips further into you another weak moan fell from your lips. He shifted and you looked down, realizing that that the wall to your back was actually a door.

The supply closet.

Felix maneuvered your bodies so that he could push the door open with his back.

As he carried you into the cramped space, you placed a very gentle kiss to the scratch on his cheek. Inside, shut off from the rest of the world, you were free to lose yourselves in each other completely. Candlelight from the hallway spilled in through the wide gap beneath the door, enough to cast a faint glow inside the room. And the door barely had time to shut before both of you were halfway undressed.

Felix picked up a blanket from the ground and threw it across the stack of crates that took up the majority of the small space. He set you down gently on top of them, bending over to keep your lips connected while he shoved his pants down, and you did the same. Frantically pushing your own pants and underwear down before tossing your shirt to the side, and it didn’t even have time to hit the ground before he was pressed up against you again, reaching around to unclasp your bra. Just as you had struggled with the buckle on his belt, he fumbled with it briefly and you smiled against his lips. But he was determined and it took only a moment before he stripped it from your body and the stuffy air hit your skin. When you shifted on the crates, your exposed breasts bounced slightly, immediately drawing his attention. He licked his lips as he devoured them with hungry eyes.

“Like what you see?” You mocked, reaching down to bring his hands up to your chest. He squeezed the soft flesh and you gasped when his fingertips pinched lightly at your nipples.

And it was in that moment that Felix decided he would never be able to get enough of you, so willing to expose yourself to him like this. So desperate for his touch on your bare skin, for his cock buried inside of you. You didn’t even need to say it out loud because your eyes were begging.

One of his hands trailed down between your legs and he slid a finger through the wetness of your slit.

“Fuck, princess...so wet already,” he murmured against your jaw, and you let out a stifled moan into his neck when he pulled you closer and pressed his thumb to your puffy clit. He rubbed slow circles before inserting a finger inside of you, followed shortly after by a second. The skillful movement of his fingers made you melt into his touch as you rolled your hips to meet his hand. As your head went dizzy and your vision blurred.

Between his fingers pumping in and out of you at just the right speed, his thumb adding pressure to your clit, the squeezing of your breast in his other hand, and the sloppy wet kisses he continued to press to your neck and jaw, your body was already threatening to spill over the edge. To prolong the pleasure, not ready to let go just yet, you shifted. He licked your juices from his fingers when you brought his hand up to his mouth. "You taste so sweet princess," he muttered, accent heavy in his current state as you reached down to release his cock from his underwear. It sprang free and you pushed him back gently, dropping from the crates, your knees hitting the ground. He looked down at you as your hand wrapped around his pulsing cock. You swirled a bit of precum around the tip before licking a stripe up his shaft and taking him into your mouth.

As you hollowed your cheeks around him and began to bob your head, running your tongue along a thick vein on the underside of his cock, Felix leaned back against the door. His head turned to the ceiling as his eyes lazily fell shut, and he wondered how much you'd had to practice to get it this right. But he didn't want to think about that now. He only wanted to think about you on your knees for him. A whimper escaped his lips when you swirled your tongue around his leaking head, across his slit. The unexpected sound from him and the salty taste on your tongue had you rubbing your thighs forcefully together.

Felix let his mind go empty with nothing but pleasure as he fucked your face. He glanced down with hooded eyes to meet your own, and the sight of your pretty angelic mouth stuffed with his cock as you made eye contact with him nearly caused him to blow his load right then and there. But Felix didn’t want to waste a second of you like this. Because he'd almost died today. He'd almost died nearly every day for a very long time, and he didn't know if he would ever get the chance after tonight to have you like this again. And so, when you suddenly released his cock with a pop, he leaned down and pulled you back up by the arms.

His touch was gentle.

His tone wasn’t.

“I’m going to fuck you now, and you’re not going to make a sound. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?” He spoke down to you, as if he already knew that you wouldn’t be able to oblige.

“Y-yes” you somehow managed to get out. And he wasted no time in lifting you back onto the crates, his strength evident as his muscles flexed.

You steadied yourself before spreading your legs for him as wide as the cramped space would allow. You ran your eyes up and down his naked form, his defined abs, his toned chest, and his right hand as he brought it down to pump his cock a few times before aligning it with your dripping core.

“Please…” you panted under your breath as he smeared your arousal with his tip. And your desperate plea was all he needed to give in, sinking into your aching entrance and bottoming out inside of you with a carnal mroan. You gasped, reaching forward to pull him closer. He wrapped an arm around your back, slamming the other against the wall behind you. His head fell to your neck and your legs wrapped around him as he began to rhythmically move his hips.

Filthy sounds filled the space as he rutted into you, and in that moment it was easy to let yourself go completely. To let him take you however he pleased, in whatever way he pleased. Because you were safe with Felix, here, like this, when it was just the two of you. He made you feel like just a person. Without a past to run from, without a burden to shoulder. Just two careless young lovers who in another life might have stumbled across this very place seeking refuge. Who might have called it home for a while before leaving again together.

And this time was different from the first time on the rooftop as his hips slapped fervently against yours, hot skin against skin. Because of your earlier separation, tonight was more desperate, more needy, more primal.

“Feels so good, Lix” you whined when he brought his hands down to tightly grip your waist, allowing him to fuck up into your swollen heat even harder. When your head fell back, he took it as an invitation to bring a hand up around your exposed throat, shoving his fingers into your mouth when you let out a strangled moan.

"F-Fuck, princess-" he hissed, “you have to be quiet, be a good girl for me, yeah?” He squeezed harder at your throat when you cried out again but was instantly made into a hypocrite when you clenched around him and he let out a groan deep enough to vibrate the walls.

His thrusts grew sloppy which told you he was just as close as you had been since the moment he'd laid a hand on you, and yet he still managed to hit the right angle every single time. Between his thick cock brutally pounding up into your drooling hole, low grunts against your ear, the sound of the crates thudding against the wall behind you and the risk of being caught at any moment, it all had you reaching your own climax faster than you could control.

"So pretty all fucked out like this,” he growled, ”the world in the palm of your hand and here you are reduced to nothing by my cock. I should fuck you full, make the world mine too."

"Fuck, F-Felix, don't stop I'm close-"

“I know, baby," he groaned, "me too.” And you could feel the truth in his words because of how fucking hard he was, but before he could pull out you wrapped your legs around him tighter.

"Need your cum, please, fill me up. Please Lix make me yours."

"Shit-"

Your plea sent him over the edge. His cock throbbed where it was buried deeply inside of you as he pumped milky white ropes of cum into your cunt. A deep groan that was far louder than any of the moans he had scolded you for fell from his lips, and as your own orgasm took over you buried your face in the sweaty skin at his neck. Holding onto him to ground yourself when your vision went white as you sobbed out his name repeatedly.

Heavy breathing and light whimpers from both of you were the only sounds that filled the air after the harsh string of low curses that fell from his lips.

After a moment, when you began to come down from your high and Felix stopped twitching inside of you, you unwrapped your shaking legs from his waist and dropped down from the crates. He helped to steady you on your feet, and the gravity of what you had just done set in as you felt his hot cum begin to trickle down the inside of your thigh.

Fuck

Fuck fuck fuck-

Felix reclaimed your attention when he leaned in to place a breathless kiss to your lips. You jumped when the cool metal of the rings on his fingers made contact with the sensitive skin at the inside of your thighs when he put a finger between them to swipe some of his cum away. He brought it up, smearing his release against your bottom lip before you took it into your mouth and licked it clean.

"That can never happen again,” he murmured, his eyes intently focused on where his finger had disappeared into your mouth.

He might have been referring to the sex, but you were fairly certain it had more to do with the fact that by spilling every last drop of his cum inside of you he had just put both of your lives in substantially more danger. Because if Felix got you pregnant, the repercussions would be catastrophic.

"This, us is…it can’t..” He trailed off.

“I know.” You glanced up to take in his disheveled appearance. His long hair a mess, sweat on his forehead, lips puffy and swollen.

“Never again,” you whispered, and it was at that moment that Felix realized he was never going to be able to get over you. That he would belong to you until he took his last dying breath.

And it wasn’t until you met his eyes that he understood just how selfish that made him.

How badly he had screwed up.

Because Felix had made the fatal mistake of allowing you to develop the same feelings for him, and he wanted to protect you from the sadness in your eyes when you looked up to him with silent understanding that you would never be able to be together. Not in the way you wanted to be, not without consequences. Felix wanted to shield you from everything in this world that could hurt you, including himself. Especially himself. He wanted to protect you from his own selfish desires more than anything, but the situation between the two of you had begun to spiral far beyond his control.

And the damage was already done.

Felix led you by the hand to the end of the hallway where he lightly pressed on the door to one of the rooms that Hira had pointed out to you earlier. When you stepped inside, the floorboards creaked loudly underneath your feet. You could make out shapes through the darkness but it was difficult to tell which of the boys were in the room you had just entered.

You followed Felix, taking extra care to step over the sleeping form at your feet, as he led you to an unoccupied space in the corner. He shook off his leather jacket and pulled you down with him. Folding the jacket, he set it on the ground next to you and you immediately undid his actions, unfolding it enough so that there was room for his own head to be cushioned by the worn out fabric as well. You lie down facing each other, trailing your eyes up and down the features of his face, bringing a hand up to his hair, tracing along the sharp line of his jaw, while he looked at you with painful longing that you would never have been able to put into words. Only a feeling, in a stolen moment that you had so selfishly claimed for yourselves. But you understood everything that it meant.

"y/n?" His voice cascaded through the silence and the use of your name, his use of your name, tugged painfully at your chest.

“Yeah, Lix?” You responded, tracing your fingers along a patch of freckles underneath one of his eyes.

“I’m glad you’re okay too.” He spoke so faintly underneath his breath that you weren’t even sure you had heard him right until you met his gaze. The look he gave you absolutely shattered your heart, and you forced yourself to hold back the words that you wanted so desperately to say to him in response. You watched in silence as his heavy eyes closed while you combed through his hair, kissing him gently once more when his breathing steadied and you were certain that he had fallen asleep.

Don't let me love you.

It was quite a simple request, really. Or at least it should have been. You should have been able to do it, and yet you could literally feel your promise rip to pieces with every kiss, every touch, every breath you took in every moment you spent next to him like this. Moments that you burned into your memory because you were afraid they would be your last.

I'm sorry, princess.

"I'm sorry too, Lix." You whispered.

Sorry you couldn't keep your promise. Sorry you hadn't tried harder.

Sorry there was nothing you could do to stop the time from slipping away. Sorry you couldn't make it stop.

You fell asleep shortly after he reached for you, subconsciously pulling you into his chest. You breathed in his scent and it eased every aching muscle in your body. In that moment you were his, and he was yours, and that was enough. Even if you would never be able to belong to each other for more than a single night at a time. Just for tonight, it was enough. Because eventually, one way or another, you knew that your past would catch up to you. You’d begun this journey knowing from the start that the future had never really been yours to claim. Knowing that that your time with Felix was just as limited as your freedom. Because as someone had told you once, the problem with time is that it is a merciless force. No matter who you are, no matter where you come from, one way or another it always runs out.

Part 6 coming soon...

thank you so much for reading<33 if you would like to be added to the taglist please don't hesitate to let me know :)

taglist: @vixensss @yangracha @toplinelix @lixiesw1fe @slytherinatheart @hash2013

#felix x reader #skz smut #bestest buddy :)

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adiluv-moved · 2 years ago

Text

♡ JOHN DOE + GENERAL HCS. ˚⊹꒷

﹕₊˚ʚ❤️ɞ・[word count] 1044.

﹕₊˚ʚ🐞ɞ・[warnings] yandere character [technically; no yandere behavior demonstrated], made pretty quickly.

﹕₊˚ʚ🖤ɞ・[adi moment] ohh the skrunkly!! maybe even a scrimbo!! reader is You, btw!! hope you enjoy!! ٩(ˊᗜˋ )و

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・I think that he would have partial control over the time loops, mostly creating another when he’s rejected or gets a bit too carried away with You. At the same time, I don’t believe he would be able to control the ones that occur after he manages to successfully court [read: any ending where you don’t leave him or when he loses interest in you], which threatens to drive him crazier than he already is. Especially when he can’t be exactly certain of which route you’ll go through during the next day.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Since he didn’t appear to have any of his scars during House Hunted, it’s basically implied that he got those scars between John Doe + and House Hunted. The creator stated that they were a kink/reminder, and I like to believe that each scar is [possibly] meant to symbolize the amount of days that he stalked You for. It might also be a representation of the amount of time loops he’s been through with You, and a way to keep himself from forgetting the situation he’s in.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Aside from his love [read: obsession] with You, I think that he also harbors a deep love for human culture, and human life in general. He’s spent countless hours watching human shows and movies, and listening to human music. It’s partially the reason that he enjoys watching TV so much, and he would be honored if You ever decided to watch something with him. He could honestly go on for hours about how much he loves humanity, and prepare to be bombarded with questions if you ever offer to lend him an ear. Just… make sure that you clarify that it’s a figure of expression, and that he isn’t actually supposed to take your ear.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Loves, loves, loves cuddling. Doesn’t care if he’s the big or small spoon, or if you’re doing something when he decides to curl up around you. There have been times where you’ve been working the cashier at the gas station, only for John Doe to sneak behind You and just get comfortable. It can be a bit shocking, but you’ve long gotten used to feeling the extra weight on your back. Though, it does get a bit embarrassing when a customer comes in and stares at the man behind You while you’re ringing them up. If anything, he just seems to enjoy you being flustered, so good luck getting him off.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・When the both of you are cuddling, you should also expect to feel his hair curl around you and try to pull you closer. It’s interesting to see the strands have a life of their own, and you’ve long gotten comfortable with them wrapping around you. It feels like one huge hug, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Similarly to cuddles, expect to be bombarded with kisses at any given moment. When it comes to this, he won’t actually do it in public if You aren’t comfortable, which is something that you’re pretty grateful for. It’s totally fair game when the both of you are at home, though.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Has a tendency of getting really melty whenever he’s flustered, which happens a lot. It’s just so adorable whenever You go and kiss him and offer to cuddle, or whenever You decide to hold his hand when the two of you go on dates. He really feels loved whenever it happens, and he’s ecstatic to know that you’re comfortable enough to do those things with him - especially if you’re more shy when it comes to affection.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・In the winter, he usually becomes your personal heater, with how warm he is all the time. While it used to be a trait he was self-conscious of in the past, he doesn’t mind his higher body temperature if it means that you snuggle up to him in order to keep warm. It’s not something he’d tell You directly, but it tends to be pretty obvious with the big smile and bright blush that appear on his face, as well as the various heart patterns on his clothes.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Lets You draw the designs on his t-shirts, sometimes even allowing you to suggest new ones. He’s already really happy for all of the time that you spend with him, and he’s even happier to let you have a hand with his major forms of self-expression. He would also show the designs that you helped with way more than others, even proudly bragging to people about receiving your assistance. Nobody at the gas station really seems to care that much, but he’s still happy about it.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・While he’s a huge slob, he’d be willing to try and change his habits if You really wanted him to. Cleaning his home is a daunting task, though, especially when it feels like every piece of garbage is multiplying. Even if you’re both unable to make much of a dent in the heaps of trash, he’d still be grateful that You attempted to help. If you’re still willing to give things another shot, he’d gladly go along with it.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Even though he can’t take a shower to get his body clean, he would get it dry-cleaned if You wanted him to. Granted, you’d definitely be getting some weird looks for bringing Doe’s lifeless faux body to the average dry cleaner, but they’d probably still take the business. It is Uncanny Valley, after all. The biggest downside [in his eyes] is that he would be stuck in his hairball form until his body was cleaned, but he was quick to find ways to make the best of it. Did you know that your work bag is the perfect size for him?

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Loves, loves, loves to be carried around in his little hairball form. Would honestly just sneak into your bag and hitch a ride wherever you’re going. You’d only actually discover he’s in there when you reach in to grab something, only to feel a slick strand of hair grab your finger and curl around it. You honestly can’t be mad, though, because he looks adorable. While there’s no customers around, You would pull him out of your bag and hold him in your hands. Needless to say, he’d be much more open to dry cleaning his faux body in the future.

#꒰📍꒱﹕my writing ⋆#john doe #john doe game #john doe horror game #john doe x you #john doe x reader #john doe fanfic #john doe visual novel

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miekasa · 3 years ago

Note

I’m in love with the idea of twitch streamer bf eren

OKAY ME TOO!! Easily top 3 best Eren concepts imo it’s just so good and so... him, he falls on the gamer himbo boyfriend side of the scale for sure

Let’s start with his setup: purple and/or green with a dark wood tabletop. He keeps the lights green during the day or when his computer is idle, and mixes in the purple when it’s dark out because he likes the Ambiance.

Only one monitor and do not let him buy another one no matter how much he claims he needs it. He does not. He has a TV in his room tho, but it’s not mounted above or near his desk; it’s on the opposite wall that faces his bed. Laying down and watching Netflix takes priority.

He’s a sucker for themed keyboards/keycaps. If he finds a set themed around his favorite show or a character he likes, he’ll buy it. No self control.

The majority of his keyboards have that super clacky almost officey sounding click to them, and he’s obsessed with it. Sometimes he fucks around on Google Docs typing nonsense just to hear the keyboard make noise.

Puts in special keycaps on the ones with your initials on whichever keyboard he’s using at the moment <3 gamer boyfriend things <33

Always swears he wants to do some kind of special event or thank you for subscriber/follower milestones, but he never catches his own milestones 😭😭 by the time he realizes he has 100k subs, he’s already on 103k or something

Then he calls you, his friends, and his subscribers fake for not pointing it out to him like sir it’s right there on your screen please. All you had to do was LOOK

If he’s in the middle of a game and he really has a to pee, or he’s gotta go do something, he’ll yell for you, and you come in, obviously slightly worried, but then Eren is just hurriedly giving you instructions, “Here, press left or right to move, spacebar to fire, avoid these, kill those. That ugly look thing to the left is Jean, and over there is his character. You’re teammates, I’ll be right back,” before he puts his headphones on your head and runs off. Now you’re left to fend for yourself, good luck.

He can be gone anywhere from 30 seconds to 30 minutes 😭😭 if he’s gone for a short amount of time, he comes back with just as much chaotic energy to take back his headphones and shoo you away as he did to throw it all on you pls.

Other times, he’ll go and make a whole ass meal and come back sauntering in with a half eaten grilled cheese in hand, “Oh shit are you still playing, babe—hey you’re doing really well, look at you go!”

When you’re not there, he mentions you a lot, because he’s always thinking about you no matter how small it is; even just the design of a character would prompt him to a make a comment, “I don’t think my girlfriend has ever played this, but I know she’d main this character.”

Does he invite you to play a game he knows you’ve never played or are bad at with him on his stream, knowing full well he’s an ace at it and will crush you publicly? Absolutely. Without a doubt.

There’s always a very shameless, not at all subtle shoutout to his Instagram in the middle of all his streams please, he’ll be playing a game and randomly it’s like, “Fire pic on Instagam by the way, go like that.”

His comments are pretty respectful whenever you’re there or he mentions you; there’s a few cheeky randoms who like to make donations whenever you’re on the screen or say some inappropriate stuff, but Eren’s learned to just ignore it. It doesn’t make him happy, and he might tell people to chill if it’s excessive, but he won’t call out anything explicitly and make you uncomfortable while you’re there.

Sometimes Connie will make a comment about how you’re hot, and that’s definitely something Eren will call out and bring attention to, more so to mock Connie than anything.

At one point, his subscribers keep asking for more content with you (especially if you’re not there often/it’s been a while since people have seen a peek of you), to which Eren will pout because, “Hey, this is my Twitch-- now, look, you’ve gotten your Eren’s hot girlfriend privileges revoked for the week.”

Terrible at doing unboxing videos whenever he gets sent product because he just rips things open 😭😭 he’s too eager to do ASMR or gentle/detailed unboxing, he just wants to test out the new parts as soon as possible.

Abuses his spinny gamer chair. Spins himself dizzy on it (yes, while he’s streaming and waiting for lobbies/things to load), spins you dizzy on it when you’re just trying to be comfy, spins the both of you dizzy when he’s trapped you on his lap.

He’d be one of those lucky people who gets a cool single name user/ID. Like he gets just @eren or @jaeger/yeager, because his name is pretty unique, but I can totally see him going the typical fun gamer tag route.

His content is anything from him streaming Overwatch and COD to terraforming his Animal Crossing island, he does not discriminate. One day you could get Eren calling Jean a fucking dumbass for not healing him, and the next day he’s doing his best impressions of Timmy and Tommy.

Do not put it past him to build you a whole ass PC setup if you express the slightest interest in one, even if it’s not solely for gaming/you wanna use it for work/school. He’ll do it. He’ll make his hyperfixating work for him.

Plus then he’d get to give you one of his old keyboards and give you special keycaps with his initials and go on about how he’s officially got a gamer gf even if all you can do is press the spacebar <33

#anonymous #when is it my turn... when do i get one of him.... WHEN!!!! WHEN!!!!!!!#eren x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren fluff #aot x reader

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letstalkaboutshtufff · 4 years ago

Text

A Bad Feeling Pt 1

Levi x Reader

Part 1

Paring: Levi Ackerman x Cadet reader

Warnings: 18+ attempted rape/assault, cursing, mention of injury, violence

Summary: Reader feels uncomfortable around a overly friendly captain. Are they just over reacting? Or is there something else going on. What will Levi do when he finds out?

***************************************************

A.n. ok so I literally wrote this in one go, it's probably trash but I wanted to post it anyway. Please lemme know what you think in the comments! Thank you!

"Y/n! captain Oro is asking for you" you did your best to hide the discomfort Armins words made you feel.

You smiled what you hoped was a convincing one and nodded. With a deep breath you made your way to Captains Oro's office.

Ever since you had been introduced to him those few weeks ago, he had taken a special liking to you. At first you had been excited, having such a highly skilled and well known captain take notice of you was one of the best feelings. Especially since your squad leader, Levi wasn't exactly heavy on praise.

Everyone loved Captain Oro, he was known for his strength and stamina on the battle field. He was both charismatic, and charming. Your fellow cadets practically swooned over him. You couldn't help but also get caught up in his perfection. At first that is..

Over time you noticed things about your meetings that put you on edge. An unnecessary shoulder touch here, a too low pat on the back there. Something was off. And although you had done your best to distance yourself from him, it was hard when your squads often had to work together.

But it was hard to say anything against him because even your cold blooded captain seemed to enjoy his presence.

Once you brought it up to your friend Sasha, about how you felt he was being too friendly. But she waved her hand and basically said you were worrying for nothing, he was just a friendly guy. And you were being dramatic.

Maybe you were overreacting? If captain levi approved of him, surely that meant he was a decent person right? Maybe he was just being really really friendly.

You decided to give him a chance and knocked on his door when you finally arrived.

"Come in" a muffled voice came from the other side.

With a click you entered the candlelit room. It was nearing sundown after all.

"Ah cadet y/n! Perfect, I was wondering if I might ask your opinion on something?" He smiled angelically and gestured towards a parchment on his desk.

"Of course sir" you nodded and approached him, reminding yourself of what sasha said. Just relax.

From the way the parchment was positioned you had no choice but to come to his side of the desk.

"Do you see this area here?" He gestured to what you now saw was a map. "What do you think of leading a squad through here instead of what we originally planned?"

The next 30 minutes you spent completely and professionally discussing strategies. Being the member of your squad that was best at this, made him asking for you completely justified. You felt bad for ever doubting his intentions.

"Thank you y/n, I think I have a better idea of what course we should pursue on our next expedition" he smiled sincerely.

"I'm glad I could be of service" you nodded and allowed a relaxed smile to pass your features. Feeling stupid you had judged him so harshly.

" If you wouldnt mind just one more thing?" You nodded as he pulled out a stack of papers.

"If you could look over this report of the last mission before I send it out? See if theres anything else to add?"

"Sure, I'd be happy to Captain" you grabbed the stack.

"And please if you can, return them to me tonight, I'll need them for the meeting bright and early"

"Yes sir, I'll finish it asap, good evening" and with that you exused yourself.

Tonight? It was already sundown. Well whatever, hes so busy he probably doesn't know what time of day it is.

You found a quiet spot amonsgt the crowds in the common room and got to work.

************************************

"Oi brat, it's passed curfew, go to your room now, we have important work tommorow" the unmistakable voice of your captain rang through the now empty hall.

You looked up in surprise and meet his usual scowl, not even realizing how late it had gotten.

"Hai, s-sorry captain, I'll go now" you gathered the report and quickly left, not wanting to receive another scolding for taking too long.

Oh crap you still had to deliever the report. Changing routes you snuck quietly down the familiar hallways. Not particularly feeling like running into Levi again. Something about him always made you act just a little dumber and it was definitely not because of your non existent crush on him...definitely not.. he was just intimidating is all.

*knock knock*

You waited patiently but there was no answer. Crap did he already go to bed? But he knew I was coming? Ugh what should I do? He needs these reports..

With a sigh you change direction again and head for his personal chambers. There was no way you were getting in trouble for not delivering these reports on time.

You smiled when you saw dim light flood from beneath the door.

Lightly you knocked, "Captain Oro, its y/n, sorry it's so late but I have the rep-" you were cut off abruptly when the door swung open and there stood Oro.

Except he looked nothing like the Oro you were used too seeing. His hair was loose from it's normal slicked back do, and the edges were dripping slightly. His shirt was loosely thrown on revealing a decent amount of skin. He must've just bathed.. you could see why the girls were so obsessed with him. He was, platonically speaking, a very gorgeous man.

You were taken aback but reminded yourself that you did knock after hours so of course he wasnt going to be all soldiered up.

"U-um s-sorry Captain, I have the reports" you averted your eyes and shoved the reports in his direction.

"Ah y/n, thank you, would you please put them on my table? My hands are still slightly wet." He laughed holding them up innocently.

"S-sure" god why were you stuttering so much, you fight goddamn titans for a living?! But somehow you were more nervous now than when a 10meter was clawing at you.

You entered the room and tried to avoid looking around too much.

You always wondered what the inside of the higher ups rooms look-

*click*

You whipped around, alarm bells suddenly back in full force.

"Captain what are you-"

"You're such a good girl, you know that y/n?" Oros whole demeanor changed and you cursed yourself for not trusting your earlier instincts.

"U-um" you really did not know what to say or do as he took a couple steps closer.

"Always so obedient for me, I think you deserve a reward don't you?"

Shit

"That's not...that's not necessary captain, I really should be going" you tried to lunge for the door but he was quicker and much much stronger.

"I don't believe I dismissed you cadet..." he purred pinning your arms to the door in the blink of an eye.

You were by no means weak, but your struggles were useless against him.

"Let me go" it took all your strength not to stutter in fear.

"How adorable, you know I love it when you follow my orders so well, but I think..." you shivered in disgust as you felt his lips near your neck and press down.

"I'd like to see you fight me as well" you whimpered as he sucked and bit down on the soft flesh.

"S-stop it, p-please" he smirked and looked into your fearful eyes with his lustful ones. "Stop? But that's not what you really want is it? You see I know exactly how girls like you are" he chuckled darkly and moved one of his hands to grip both your arms, while the other slid lower. You gasped when he cupped your breast. "S-stop! I'll, ill scream If you don't!" You felt a tear slide down your shaking form.

"Scream?" He snickered like you had told the funniest joke.

"Go ahead and scream doll, itll be very interesting to see what happens"

"W-what?" You were utterly confused.

"Think about it, if someone walks in on us, what would they think? Seeing a cadet after hours in her superiors chambers?"

"B-but I! I was bringing the reports i wasn't-!"

"Do you honestly think theyll care what you have to say? Who do you think theyll believe y/n? You a nobody cadet who's been fighting titans for 3 seconds? Or me, a selfless hero whos saved countless of scouts lives? All I have to tell them is that you came into my room and tried to seduce me. When I tried to restrain you, you screamed. Who do you think theyll listen too? Why else would you be here so late at night?"

"Y-You're..you're insane, you're not a hero, y-you're a coward who-" he grasped your jaw harshly causing you to wince.

"I'd watch that mouth of yours y/n" he squeezed harder. I am your superior after all, and we wouldnt want any nasty rumors going around that would have you suspended from the survey corps now would we?" He bent down and to your horror pressed his lips against yours.

Fuck fuck what do I do?!? Hes blackmailing me now. I cant fight him, hes too strong, think think think.

But your mind was blank when his cold lips pressed against your lips again. "Open your mouth" he ordered in a voice laced with animilistac lust.

You abruptly turned your head away desperate to get away.

"Heh, always such a tease" he traced a finger up and down your cheek, flipping over your lips. "I'll enjoy this-"

"CAPTAIN ORO, COMMANDER ERWIN REQUESTS YOUR PRESENCE IN HIS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY" a voice shouts from the other side of the locked door.

With an annoyed sigh, Oro pulls away slightly, "Did he say why?" He lazily looks over in the direction of the door.

"NO SIR!"

"guess it can't be helped... Alright tell him I'll be there shortly" he yelled out.

"Hai" the footsteps recended and you stood deathly still.

He pulled away from you and you immediately pulled your wrists to you, they were an angry red, and it scared you how much strength he had so effortlessly displayed.

"Sorry doll, it looks like we'll have to continue this another night" he stepped away and began dressing normally as if he hadn't just been assaulting you 5 second ago. You quickly make for the door but his voice falters your step, "Oh and y/n?"

You dont look at him, but fear held you in place until he finished, "If you mention our little moment to anyone, you know what will happen" you nodded quickly, anything to appease him and get out.

When the door shut behind you, you felt the flood of tears break through.

D-did, d-did that really happen?!?

You held a hand to quiet your sobs and quickly dashed through the hallways.

You're heart thumped and you felt the need to vomit. You hadn't felt this way since the first time youd encounted a titan. All you wanted to do was get to the safety of your room, just through the hall.

It felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on you when a cold voice shouted out and halted your movements. Please not now, oh god any time but now.

"Oi cadet y/n are you deaf as well as dumb? I asked you a question.

"Why are you out past curfew?" he sounded definitely annoyed and you gathered all your strength to hold the sobs out of your voice.

Without turning around you answered, "I-I had to deliver some r-reports..I'll head to my room now.." you stepped forward hoping he would let you go but you were not so lucky.

"Oi brat, did you hit your head? I didn't dismiss you yet. Not to mention you haven't even addressed me properly, maybe some time cleaning up horse shit will remind you how to respect your superiors" fuck he was definitely angry now.

Still you didn't turn around, you couldn't..."S-sorry Captain Levi, I'll do better in the future.." you barely could even focus on the words coming out of your mouth, your heart was beating a mile a minute. Please just leave me alone!

"Hahh" Levi uttered in disbelief and severe annoyance, even the most novice of cadets turn around when being spoken to by a superior. "Are you trying to piss me off brat?!?"

"No sir..." still you didnt turn around, but gulped in fear when you heard sharp footsteps near you.

"Cadet y/n, you have three seconds to turn around and salute me properly before I throw you into the cells for insubordination" he ordered in his dangerously calm voice, that you never thought would be directed at you.

Having no other choice you slowly turn around, hoping to god the darkness of the room would be enough to hide your current state.

You kept your head down, letting your hair fall over your face, but gave a proper salute. Hiding the Wince that came when the tender flesh of your wrist had to bend.

Your eyes were trained on the floor. And you tried to remember how to breathe normally again.

"At least you remember how to-" abruptly his harsh scolding stopped.

Why did he stop?! Fuck did he notice something. No no calm down, he probably just is coming up with another punishment...right?

Wrong...

Levi was far from being done with dicisplining you but he caught sight of your bruised wrist and furrowed his brows immediately. He knew for a fact the last time you spoke in the hall those had not been there. He was quick to take in the rest of your demeanor and knew immediately that the reason you were acting disrespectful was because something was wrong.

"Cadet y/n.." he said suspiciously slow and not full of anger anymore.

"Y-yes?" Please dont ask me, please dont ask me, please dont-

"Look at me"

*******************************

Part 2 here

Okay so that's part 1! Please comment and lemme know what you think🥰also I'm super sensitive so please no hateful comments. Thanks for reading!

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exovapor · 3 years ago

Note

I'm OBSESSED with your writing. Can you try.. Maybe, Donnie being a filthy boy being an 'stalker-ish' of his long time crush? Be checks their FB for new posts, saves every picture of them he finds? He doesn't mean to be a creep, feels guilty, but just doesn't know how to ask for more than friendship?

Good afternoon Anon. Here is my short story in relation to your ask.

I wasn't sure where you wanted me to take this, so I had to do a bit of guessing on my part. I hope this something like you were wanting.

I will admit that this ask was a bit of a struggle for me, not knowing a clear direction to take it outcome made me a little unsure of my writing and guessing abilities LOL. However, I will admit to crying along with the characters in this story more than once.

Thanks again for the ask and the initial compliment. I hope to continue to earn your favor in future posts.

· Stalker [noun]: 1a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention. 2a person who hunts game stealthily.

· Donnie stared at the definition on his one of his monitor screens while his various other screens were busy flashing receipts of files downloaded, text trail streams from your phone, notices of any social media post/update/like/heart/emoji, a GPS line grid of your routes today (overlayed over the routes you’d taken previously), and data search hits of anything and everything that pertained to you.

· At this point, the boy had literally every picture you had ever posted, anywhere, of yourself. In fact, he had all the pictures that other people posted of you in them. He had even gone through the effort of designing a face recognition program that picks you out of the background of total strangers’ pictures and, yeah, he had those in a file too.

· He has special file folders that compile things that you like, things you don’t like, things that make you happy, things that make you sad. He is your own personal Pinterest and you didn’t even know it… and maybe that is the part that keeps bothering him so much.

· He sits staring at that word and definition and chewing his bottom lip. True, he knows the word and the meaning, but he needed to LOOK at it, analyze it, mull it over in his guilt ridden brain.

· He just KNEW the word Stalker couldn’t apply to him.

· After all, he isn’t harassing or persecuting you, you don’t know! So, it isn’t necessarily ‘unwanted attention’. It is just…unknown attention.

· Stealthily, hmmmm, did that part apply to him? Well, He isn’t EXACTLY being stealthy.

· If you knew about technology like him, then you would probably see his programs running on your devices and be alerted to his activities. AND, if you shared his love and view of technology, then you would probably be more understanding of his activities and not consider them stealthy…just data mining. In fact, you might applaud him.

· ‘Ok, that was taking it a bit too far’, Donnie thinks to himself and he feels a band tighten and squeeze around his infatuated heart.

· He is almost certain that you would be shocked to learn of his extra curricular activities and how they revolve around every aspect of you.

· Regardless of how he tried to spin the truth and wiggle out of the definition of stalker, Donnie still felt guilty for invading your privacy. However, he honestly couldn’t help himself…at least not anymore.

· He has fought the urge, the nagging thoughts and the burning need, to know more about you for what seemed like an eternity.

· Listen to him, he is starting to sound dramatic like Mikey! What is his turning into? He is losing his rational edge!

· To be accurate, it hasn’t been an eternity. In fact, he has known you 1 year, 36 days, 14 hours, 11 minutes, and 23 seconds to be exact. However, you started occupying space in his mind 2 minutes into meeting you and your claim over his mind has grown exponentially over time.

· You were quiet and reserved during that first meeting, so there wasn’t much to go on. It started as a simple visual interest with a thought of ‘Oh. She’s pretty’.

· However, then you started talking and that changed everything.

· You opened up more and more each time you hung out with their little group, revealing layers and layers of interests and personality. You were fascinating…and that’s when his thoughts about you really started to snowball and spiral out of control.

· You went from being a simple pretty face to being a walking embodiment of everything he seriously ever dreamed of having in a mate.

· Early on, there were three sticking points that really made Donnie’s feelings problematic. 1. He was a nearly seven foot tall walking talking turtle and you weren’t. 2. You had a boyfriend that you were deeply in love with and adored. 3. Donnie was too insecure about #1 and how you felt about inter-species dating to let you know that you had started to OWN his heart.

· Now, thanks to his surveillance, there were only two sticking points….#1 and #3.

· He still remembers the feelings of that day, 44 days ago, when the blip of information popped up on this screen alerting him to the fact that your boyfriend was starting to stray.

· Donnie had severely conflicting feelings bombard him at once and it was overwhelming.

· The initial knee jerk reaction was elation, one of the problems blocking him from you may soon be null.

· However, the feeling of elation only lasted for a second or two before the intense anger and sadness set in. Donnie was honestly shocked at the depth of his anger, he didn’t even know he had that level of malice in him. Had he been in physical proximity to your boyfriend at that moment in time, Donnie isn’t sure that he wouldn’t have hurt your guy…or worse.

· How COULD this guy do this? WHY would he? He HAD YOU! What the heck was this guy thinking? Not only did he have you, but you thought the world of him. When you spoke about him you would smile so genuinely, your eyes would shine and gaze off into a bright imagined future. Donnie was always so jealous to watch it happen, he wondered what it would be like to be THAT GUY. And here the idiot was throwing it all away and meeting up with another girl!

· WHAT THE…(yes, this called for a curse) HELL…IS WRONG WITH HUMAN MEN?

· As the anger set root in his heart, the sadness engulfed Donnie like an all-consuming wave. He realized he was going to have to share this information with you, somehow, and that he was going to have to watch as it destroyed you.

· At first, Donnie had a plan to try and save you both from that fate. True, it would hurt him more to save your relationship, but he would rather be the one facing the pain and not you.

· He TRIED to circumvent the situation. He sent anonymous messages to your boyfriend stating that he knew about the infidelity and that he would tell you if needed. However, it didn’t seem like your boyfriend cared because he sent messages back stating Donnie could, basically, go fuck himself.

· Life had cruel sense of irony, thought Donnie, that is exactly what I do since this moron has the woman that I love.

· So, after trying for nearly two weeks to stop what was happening behind your back, Donnie had no choice but to let you in on the secret.

· Donnie couldn’t come right out and tell you that he caught your boyfriend cheating by hijacking your data streams and the data streams of those around you. So, Donnie intercepted some texts between your boyfriend and his mistress and he then sent you a text, under the guise of your boyfriend, telling you to meet him at a specified restaurant for a date.

· It had been a gut wrenching night for Donnie. He remembered watching it all play out on camera feeds from around the restaurant and street outside. He watched you dressed up in your pretty dress get out of your cab in front of the restaurant. You had such a lovely smile on your face, you must have thought you were in for a romantic evening.

· He watched as you walked inside and how the hostess got flustered and confused by a 2nd girl showing up for your boyfriend’s seated-for-two table.

· Donnie stopped breathing as your eyes found the new couple holding hands and giving each other sweet kisses across the table. Hands and lips that were supposed to be yours were touching some stranger.

· Donnie watched your smile and eyes die…the light of your inner sun go out…

· …and it killed him.

· He’s not sure who was crying the hardest, you standing there in that restaurant witnessing the scene or him back at the lair watching your world crush around you on his monitor.

· It had taken a while for you both to recover from that night.

· His brothers noticed his melancholy mood for a couple of weeks but Donnie wouldn’t tell them what was bothering him. And you stayed in your bed, refusing to face the world, for nearly as long.

· Eventually, the group began to notice your silence and absence, so April stopped by your apartment to check on you. She was the one to pull you out of bed, get you to shower and eat. She visited everyday and made sure you had someone to vent to and a shoulder to cry on.

· Donnie was glad that April could be there for you when he couldn’t. He didn’t think it was appropriate for him, a male, to be your confidant at that time. Especially since he felt so much guilt over having to be the one to expose you to that pain.

· No, he didn’t CAUSE the pain, but he did have to make you face it and he didn’t like not being able to protect you from it. You were such a rare, precious creature and watching you in pain felt like he was suffocating slowly.

· There were some points during those first few weeks that he questioned if he did the right thing, but logic told him it would have eventually come to pass with or without his involvement. It was better to rip the bandage of quickly and let you start to heal than it was to let you linger and drag out the inevitable.

· Donnie did secretly check on you every single night during patrol. And, of course, his surveillance feeds were always running. He watched from a distance as his beautiful phoenix burn down to ashes and, eventually, started to rise again.

· Now, it’s been over 3 months and you’ve begun to be more like your old self. Donnie can tell there is a silent sadness there, but you are able to laugh and smile with the group during your get togethers. And each time you two are left alone, his mind nags at him about those last two sticking points.

· Would you be at all interested in him? And HOW does he go about telling you that you have become the center of his world?

· Still staring at the monitor and the Stalker definition, Donnie sighs and rubs the bridge of his snout to release of the pressure now pushing against the inside of his head. The memories of what has happened, the emotions of what was and what is, it was all starting to be too much.

· “Bro, what’s all this?”, Mikey says standing behind Donnie’s chair, talking around a mouth full of pizza.

· “NOTHING!”, says Donnie, voice breaking from the stress of being caught. A startled Donnie quickly taps some keys on his keyboard and the screens revert back to the standard lair camera feeds.

· Mikey may look or even come off as naïve at times, but he’s no fool, he can sense that his older brother is trying to hide something. “Dude, seriously, what was that? I’ve been standing back here reading the screens. I saw Y/N’s name and that looked like her phone number on that other file…, you know the file that looks like texts messages. And why is there a plotted map of the area around her apartment, her work, and to the lair? What’s up?”, Mikey said giving a disapproving look at being thought a pushover.

· “Just standard surveillance, Mikey, nothing to worry about.”, Donnie says trying to placate Mikey’s curiosity. Donnie hates lying, especially to Mikey, but he’s feeling so guilty about being such a…(inward sigh)…stalking creep that admitting the truth is hard to do.

· Mikey stands there staring at Donnie and, as he does, Donnie begins to fidget with his computer chair armrests.

· Mikey stuffs the remnants of the pizza slice into his mouth and does his best Leo impersonation by crosses his arms and staring down at Donnie as sternly as his jolly face can achieve, “Dude, I’m not going to ask you again. You’ve been weird for months. We’ve let it go for the most part but now you are hiding things from me…from ME, dude! You and I, we’re like peanut butter and jelly, we’re ice cream and chocolate fudge, we young dudes have got to stick together. Trust me, bro, I’ve got you!”.

· Donnie stared at the floor, too ashamed to meet Mikey’s eyes any longer. He gave a heavy sigh and reluctantly started to speak, “Sorry Mike, I…I honestly don’t know what’s come over me lately. I’m doing things I never thought I would do, I’m feeling so guilty about it, but I don’t know if I can stop doing it either. I feel…lost.”.

· Mike relaxed his leader stance and leaned against one of Donnie’s lab tables, “Bro, I can tell you’ve been carrying some heavy stuff lately. You need to let it out.”

· Donnie felt the heat rise up through his body like he was suddenly being consumed by a fire and he ripped his glasses off his face and drew them down on the desk in frustration, “Mikey, I’m in love with Y/N. I have been for a while. I have been…”, Donnie hangs his head in shame, “…tracking all her digital foot prints and watching her. In fact, I’m the reason she found out that asshole boyfriend of her's cheated.”

· Mikey’s mouth drops open at Donnie’s demeanor and use of the word ‘asshole’, “Whoa, dude, why didn’t you say something earlier?”.

· Donnie can feel a stinging at the corners of his eyes, this was so embarrassing, so frustrating, so…..so many things at a once. He didn’t have a response for Mikey, all he could do was shake his head.

· Still with his head hung down and staring at the floor, Donnie starts to hear Mikey chuckle. Donnie looks up to see Mikey’s eyes on him and for some reason they are full of merriment at his painful dilemma. Donnie stares at his, normally, very considerate brother in astonishment, this isn’t like Mikey at all!

· “Mikey, I’m more than serious here, now is not the time to make fun of me. What is so funny?”, Donnie asks exasperatedly.

· Mikey shakes his bald head and claps his brother on the shoulder with his green hand, “Bro, she thinks you’re cute.”.

· “W-What?!”, Donnie stammers out.

· Mikey, still chuckling, says, “Yeah, dude, that’s why I asked WHY you didn’t say something about liking her sooner, she’s always thought you were cute. She and I talk about it all the time.”.

· Donnie just stares at his jolly brother in silence. His mind is too blown to form a sentence.

· Mikey turns to leave stating, “And by the way, dude, stop watching her like that…that’s just creepy.”.

@turtle-babe83 @tmntspidergirl @kokokatsworld @nittleboo @the-second-circle-of-shell

#tmnt donatello #tmnt #tmnt donnie #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt x reader #tmnt bayverse #tmnt 2016 #tmnt fandom

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syndxlla · 3 years ago

Text

Part Fourteen of the More to Love Series

Summary: The wedding is in a week, and you’re suddenly very aware of how little time you have left to figure out what to do. You decide to take matters into your own hands, and formulate a plan. Din invites you to a night of experience, and you admit a simple truth to him.

Word Count: 11.8k words, NO USE OF ‘y/n’

Warnings: SMUT (PiV, a little degradation, praise, creampie, cockwarming, dirty talk), use of alcohol, drunkness, mentions of scars, sexual harassment

Author’s note: HELLOOOO! this is a fun chapter, and i just wanna let y’all know that we are in the endgame now 😭. don’t worry, i still have so many plans for both the princess and din and just the whole world that MTL is set in. thank you for all the support on this story! it never ends and i will forever be thankful for your love!

Part thirteen

You were a fool for thinking the castle would start to settle down after the ball passed. Alternatively, the planning did not lessen, but instead shifted from masquerade prep to wedding prep. The decorations were taken out, and new samples were brought in. It was made very clear to you that this was really Korkie’s wedding and not your own, because every decision and plan that was made was done without your input.

It had been a few days since Din told you everything, and he truly told you everything. You had plenty of time to reflect on it, and process everything. You worked so hard to gain perspective on it, to try and give your future family the benefit of the doubt, and to understand the full situation. However, you ultimately sided with Din, your heart aching for the situation he was placed in. It had been apparent that he would not have told you any of that if he did not hold immense trust in his heart for you, and the word Ka’rta over grew into your thoughts for all these days. The both of you had agreed to tone things down, deciding it would be a fair middle ground. Less nightly endeavors would keep you two apart, and therefore less suspicious, but it especially made the reunions of passion more sweet.

Your mother was long gone, she left three days ago, and finally you felt that you had the palace to yourself again without Hugo and various other guests breathing down your neck. Your time as Corellian Princess was in it’s endgame now as your imminent marriage to Korkie was just on the horizon, and you still had no idea how to escape from it. Most of your days, you spent making up excuses for missing afternoon tea, and trying extra bites of potential wedding cake flavors in the kitchen. Regardless of what you did, however, Din was always there with you, three paces behind. You were also given the opportunity to dismiss him more often now. The eager infatuation with him has slowly become a steady understanding of feelings, and the two of you were able to fall into a groove without the anxiety of wondering how the other felt, and how long it would be until you reunited. Tradition and duty had lightened up as well, and there were less eyes on how Din was treating you, which gave you the liberty to give him back an ounce of his life.

This was one of the best things to ever happen to Din. You would retire to your room early every night, hoping no one would wonder if you were ill, and because you were away from the eye of Kryze, you could allow Din to leave the castle early. At seven, sometimes even six, he would go home to his son. It made everyone happy, and that is why it was important to happen. This was much preferred over a midnight dismissal. You also noticed a change in Din’s presence after this change was made. He was springier, chuckling more, even sitting down when the two of you were alone. He had finally relaxed around you, and you accredit to the pure fact that he was finally getting more rest.

Those were your favorite parts of the day: when you and Din would find a quiet corner in the library, or maybe an empty sitting room, and he would just tell you about the world. He had been everywhere, you were convinced. He went into detail of cities in Coruscant, explaining how they have extravagant silk markets and countless taverns with exotic drinks. He described the heat of the desert, and how he once had to search for a merchant’s missing camel in return for clean water, a story that led to one of the scars on his back and a very rational fear of the desert at night. His favorite place to tell you about, however, was his home. The Nevarro Frontier clearly had a special place in his heart, and he spoke fondly of it’s tall mountains and tight-knit communities.

“Nothing like the Mandalore you know.” He would sigh. A kingdom that may have been fantastic on the outside, but was riddled with war and political division and heartache on the inside. “Maybe I can take you there someday.”

It was those words that sparked your imagination, and the plan began to formulate.

The real dilemma you had been in all this time was trying to figure out how to live happily with a man you truly loved, but also protect your kingdom, home and family. It was a delicate situation, one with many sighs and frustrated nights. However, after Din explained his battle with Bo to you, it’s resolution was slowly becoming more clear. There had to be a way you could win in this story. You would not give hope on that truth.

When Din mentioned taking you to his home, you realized that there was very little keeping you from up and leaving Mandalore in the night. It would be a scandal, it would probably cause an all-out war, but it was worth a try, or at least a dream.

Now, when you had afternoon conversations with Din in the library, you were studying maps of the world. You familiarize yourself with the terrain of Mandalore, how long it might take to get to the Sundari Front, and drawing out escape routes on the backs. Din assumed you had thrown yourself into cartography so you could grasp his stories and adventures fully, which wasn’t altogether false, but it went deeper than that. You tried to keep it under control, but you were slowly becoming more and more consumed by your studies: a recurring issue in your life.

Din hadn’t realized you were becoming obsessed with the geography of the world until about a week after the ball, when you fell asleep by candlelight at a table in the library, your face smushed into the parchment of a map depicting some old blueprints that he had paid no attention to, and your hair falling over your eyes. It was almost dawn, and he had come back from his time with his son already, distressed to see no one had the courtesy to wake you up and take you to your room. He didn’t really expect much else from Mandalore, however.

Din blows out the candle, and gently picks you up, being extra careful not to wake you, and carries you bridal-style out of the library and to your suite. It was these moments that Din looked forward to the most. When he did not have to put on a face, when he did not have a million rules to follow. When your sleepy head rests into his chest, and he can look upon your face with his own eyes, no helmet to obstruct it.

As Din looked upon your resting face, there was much he realized. He first noticed that scar on your body that he hadn’t seen before, and swiped his thumb over it. He also studied the way your chest rose and fell with each breath, how you were perfectly still, and yet completely full of life and beauty and pure goodness as you slept. Din deeply admired how much you cared, how much you cared about everything. The wellbeing of the staff, the customs of Mandalore, him. You threw yourself into your passions, and you had a deep love for the hobbies and aspects of your life that no one else he knew possessed. You were a dedicated person, and he found both attraction and respect ino that.

Din also realized a fundamental truth at the very moment the sky began to lighten up, your cracked balcony doors letting the curtains blow into the suite dreamily. Din felt at peace. It had been so long since he felt peaceful. Too long. He felt the same type of peace here with you that he would normally feel sleeping under the stars with his son nestled to his side. Or the same feeling of peace that he felt when he held his son for the first time. It was a rare feeling, and it was pure. It was so rare that it was only saved for the people most important to him in his life.

You woke up a few hours later, changed out of the pale yellow gown you fell asleep in. Din had not only put you in your nightgown, but had taken the time to pull your hair so it was out of your face. He was more thoughtful than you could have ever imagined. The Knight sits with his back against your door, helmet tilted up at the ceiling, and you wonder if he slept, and why he was not in bed with you. You had invited him several times, and wished he would fulfill the request.

As soon as you sit up in bed, his head lifts, and he stands at attention.

You yawn before speaking, “Were you resting?” You ask, stretching your arms over your head. He shakes his head in response. “What were you doing?” You ask, your arms coming down to rest on your mattress.

“Listening?”

“For?”

He shrugs, “The birds at first, but then it was footsteps. I didn’t want to get caught waiting for you to wake up.” He sighs.

“Well… I wish you would have listened in bed with me.” You glance over at the empty spot next to you. He doesn’t respond, and you are reminded that in many ways, he is still the silent knight you first met from three weeks ago. Din walks over to you, and you smile as he does.

“Did I wake you last night?” He asks, and you were honestly confused about what he was asking. He sensed the confusion, he was always so good at reading you, “When I carried you from the library here?”

“What?” And then you remembered, your eyes blowing wide. “Shit!” You jump out of bed. “What time is it?”

“Uh…”

“Is the rest of the staff awake?” You let your hair down, and slide on the pink satin slippers on the floor of your bed.

“What?”

“Did you bring the map I was studying?” You look up at his emotionless helmet.

“…No?” To be truthful, he didn’t even take the time to glance at the map you studied, he was far too distracted by you.

“Fuck.” You muttered. Din liked it when you swore.

You thought of nothing, and hurried to the door of your suite, swinging it open and marching down the corridor. Din follows you in confusion, trying to catch up to you and bring you back to your room. You’re weary, and just woke up, so you pay no attention to Soniee who passes you in the hallway with your tea, looking at you in confusion, or the maids who were trying to sweep the floor that you scurried over. Din tried to halt you, but was never one to speak unless spoken to, especially not in public and in the presence of others, and felt unable to stop you and ask what was going on. Everyone turned heads to see the future consort in a panic, and were left with questions. Most of them shrugged and ignored it, a few began the rumors.

You practically ran down the stairs, feeling a little out of breath when you finally made it to the doors of the library. The fact that they were closed was still a good sign, and you swing the heavy door open, entering the library with haste. Your heart drops when you see the last person you wanted to this morning: Prince Korkie.

He turns to see the commotion, his eyes are shocked to not only see you out and about this early in the day, but also in your nightgown. He sputters on a ‘Good Morning’, and you don’t even hear it because you’re too panicked to see that he has the map you were reading last night in his hands. You swear in your mind, and your heart falls out of your feet. Din comes hurrying behind you.

“Princess? What is the meaning of this?” He asks, an eyebrow raised, trying to sound chipper as he greeted his fiance. You swallow thickly. Din bows for the prince, and then bends down to whisper in your ear so Korkie can’t hear it.

“Highness, please come back to your room.”

“What? Why?” You say a little too loudly, and before he can reply, the door is opening again with General Vizsla and a group of knights entering.

“Y-your gown.” Din whispers, and you look down to see that it is very sheer, far too sheer to be in the presence of your fiance… and half of the Mandalorian government. You want to shrink from the embarrassment, and notice that Korkie’s eyes are fixed on your chest. What a creep. You fold your arms over your breasts.

“What map do you have there, Prince Korkie?” You ask, trying not to make it seem too obvious that you were clearly in distress, but shaken up by your exposure and the perverted ness of the prince before you. Din wondered what in the world could be so important about that specific map. He stands behind you to cover your back side.

“What is this commotion?” Vizsla asks, interrupting your conversation.

“Nothing, General.” Korkie clears his throat. He turns to you, “Vizsla and I were just about to discuss the plans we have for… the southern border of Corellia.” Korkie awkwardly smiles. You raise an eyebrow.

“Plans?” You ask.

“Yes, you will hear in time.” Vizsla’s obnoxiously nasally voice busts in again. He was always one to unwelcomely invite himself.

You try not to roll your eyes, “And the map, Your Highness?” You repeat yourself, trying not to sound too demanding. You were still a princess, after all.

Korkie nervously chuckles, eyeing the multiple men in the room and shocked by your ambition. He takes a step forward, rolling the map up in his hands as he advances in you and Din’s direction. Din placed a discreet hand on the small of your back, hoping to reassure you. His touch was barely noticeable, but it was enough.

“Princess,” He says, sort of hushed. “You can call me Korkie in front of other people.” It was clear that he had an expectation to fill, and it would be bad on him if his fiance was still addressing him with a title a week before the wedding.

You scoff, “No, I don’t think I will.”

You hold your hand out for the map in defiance, but the prince doesn't hand it to you. He has a dark look in his eyes, one you have never seen before. Din tries to pull back on your bicep, trying to alleviate the situation, but you stay steadfast. “I will take that map now, Your highness.” You bite through the title, wanting it to cut. Korkie lifts his chin with an authoritative look, putting the rolled up map behind his back.

“Get this woman out of my meeting!” He calls out, and turns away. Your face drops, thinking you had the upper-hand, but realize that is taken away from you as two muscular guards pick you up, pulling you away from Din, and walking you out of the library. Korkie always does this, he’s madly in love with you until he’s not. It makes you remember that all of this is probably a ruse for power. Your heart and spirit drop, and you feel nothing but pure disrespect and rage. Din quickly follows. You try to writhe out of the guard’s grasp, not wanting to give up without a fight, but failing miserably. They were both very strong, probably because they had to compensate for how scrawny the Prince is.

“I can take it from here, gentlemen.” Din says, loudly, louder than you usually hear him speak. “I said I can take her!” Din yells when they don’t respond. Then, you hear the indefinite sound of a punch. These guards were still fully armored, but there was no withstanding the strength and brute force of your Knight when you were endangered. The guard Din had punched lets you go as a reaction, and you use it as an opportunity to take your now free hand and twist the wrist of the other guard off of you. All of the self-defense Din had previously taught you paid off in that moment as he yelled out in pain, not expecting your strength or skill. You were taught by the best, after all.

Now that you were free from the clutches of Korkie’s personal guards, you felt Din grab your hand and pull you. The two of you ran through the corridors, down another flight of stairs, and passed the throne room, making sure not to look back in the direction of the library. You ran parallel to the ballroom, and then finally down a final flight of stairs to the foyer of the castle. Din tugs you into a narrow hall, and down a spiral staircase. It was the way to the staff quarters, you remember from the day you went to the ocean. You were shocked and confused about what happened, and truthfully kind of exhausted. You were relieved when Din finally slowed down, and pulled you into Koska’s sister’s room. It was empty, thank the Stars.

“Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Close them!” Din says and it startles you, but you do it. He pulls his helmet off with haste, tossing it to the floor with a clang. Din places both of his strong hands on either side of your face, pulling you towards him and then kisses you with so much force and hunger that you stumble back in surprise, your eyes cracking open for just a split second. You didn’t see much, because his face was so squished into yours. All you caught a glimpse of was his eyelashes for a millisecond, but that was enough. Din is pushing you against the wall, pinning you to it, and kissing you so hard that you have to pull away to get some air. “I don’t think I have ever been as attracted to you as I was when you stood up to that prick.” He chuckles, and you hum back. Din takes a deep breath before speaking up again, “What was on that map?” He asks, out of breath, too.

You sigh, sort of embarrassed, eyes still shut tightly, “It was the tunnel plans of the castle.”

“What, you mean the blueprints?”

“Yes.” Your eyes stay closed.

“The blueprints that are at least three-hundred years old?”

“Mhm.”

“How did you get your royal hands on those?” Din asks, baffled.

“It doesn’t matter! What does matter is that I made notes on the back of the map!” You blurt, feeling shame, “I wrote the estimated times it would take and which halls to take from my room!” You groan, so badly wanting to open your eyes. You remembered what you said to yourself all those weeks ago, however, reminding yourself that it should be his choice to show you his face and no one else’s. You sigh, “The Prince isn’t stupid! I’m sure he thinks I’m plotting something now!” You hope you don’t sound too panicked, but if you were being honest, you were. Din sighs, clearly frustrated, although you weren’t sure if he was sexually or emotionally… or a little bit of both. “I’m sorry.” You sigh, your hands coming up and searching for his shoulders. “I should not have been so careless.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” You weren’t expecting him to agree with you, he usually doesn’t. He takes a calming breath, “…Are you plotting something?” He asks, his eyes moving between your closed eyelids in search of a non-verbal answer that he’ll never receive.

You don’t want to answer, but know you don’t have a choice. “Yes.” You feel guilty after saying it, although you aren’t sure why. Din exhales deeply this time. “But listen! We could run! I don’t have to stay here! We can fix this! We can get into Coruscant and they’ll never come looking for us, and then we can go to Nevarro, go to your home! We’ll take your son-“

“Rue.”

“What?”

“My son, his name is Rue.”

Rue. It was simple, to the point, just like Din’s. You liked it. “We’ll take Rue! Please, Din, we need to! It will be the only way we will ever be happy!” Your thumbs rub into the thick skin of his neck. You didn’t mean to vomit so much information on him at once, but he didn’t really give you an option.

He exhales deeply, and you know he’s processing everything you just told him. “We can’t”

“Why not?”

“Because!” He yells and it scares you. You drop your hands, your heart rate rising. A lump grows in your throat and you silently curse your emotions for betraying you. You swallow back a tear. He walks away from you and you hear the helmet pick up from off the floor. He puts it back on his head, and you know from practice and instinct when to open your eyes. When you do, he’s sitting on the chest at the end of the bed, his head dropped and hands pressed to the edge of the wood by his sides. You frown, and walk over to him. Din pushes his head into your abdomen, and you hold him there, just existing in not-so-comfortable silence. It’s tense, and not the type of tension that you usually like to experience with I’m.

He’s surprisingly the one to speak up, however. “We can’t… because Bo will hunt me and kill me and Rue and you… she’ll kill everything I love.” His voice cracks at the same time your heart does. Did he actually…

“Not to mention the war between our kingdoms it will start. Corellia can’t support itself in a war. We both know that.” Din sighs, maybe he was telling himself this just as much as he was telling you.

You sigh. He was right and you knew it, but it didn’t keep you from wanting to run away with him any less. “Din…” He looks up at you. “We have to get that map from Korkie.” You say, more stern but still comforting this time. His head tilts in question. You sigh, feeling guilty. “I wrote something else on it.” You look away from him, your eyes trailing. His hand reaches up to grab your chin, pulling your head to look right at him. Your eyebrows furrow. “Directions to your home.” The atmosphere in the room changes. You can feel it. “I know I shouldn’t have, I know it puts Rue in danger, but it gives us all the more reason to get that map back from Korkie as soon as possible.” His hand drops from your chin. You felt terrible.

“Okay, okay. We can check the library again and… if it’s not there we’ll go confront him. We’ll get it tonight.” He nods.

“Are you sure? What if he reads it?” You were surprised how lax he was, but something told you that he was controlling himself from his true emotions.

“As far as I’m concerned, the Prince has no reason to cause me or my family any harm.” He nods.

“Not yet.”

—

You swallow, your face inches away from the door of the Prince’s bedroom. Din was around the corner of the corridor, both of you knew this was something you would have to do on your own, without his support. You had never been here before, and after ample search in the library for the map all afternoon, there was no other option. It was late, but not inappropriately late. You wore that same dress you wore weeks ago, the soft blue one that was off the shoulder one that adorned your figure elegantly. It was one of the most sophisticated gowns in your closet. More mature than most of the flowy princess ballgowns. It was a diplomatic but still ethereal fashion choice, which you desperately needed after a humiliating encounter this morning. The scar on your shoulder from the endeavor in Keldabe had mostly healed, and only had a pale pink to it. You looked back at Din, who was peering around the corner, for some reassurance. He nodded, and you took a deep breath. Two knocks would be enough. The door swings open, and you are suddenly very aware that you would have to brave this encounter without the support of your trusted Knight. Korkie is who answers the door, and he looks mildly unamused to see you.

“Princess?” He tilts his head.

“Evening, I hope it is not too late?” You suggest, keeping your voice as monotone and unwelcoming as possible. You wanted him to know that you were here for a serious matter.. You noticed he was covering the door with his body, perhaps he was hiding something from you too.

“For my fiance? Never.” You hated being called that, but if it was what it took for him to invite you into the room,you could deal with it. Korkie’s room was large, it was far more spacious than yours. It had a billowing fireplace and sitting area, the ceilings twice the height of your suite’s, and a private library pushed into the northeast corner. You familiarize yourself with your surroundings, and the heir closes the door behind you. You silently scanned the room for the map, you would have to snatch it up without it being suspicious, and you could not explicitly ask for it again. “What do I owe this honor?” He says from behind, charming as usual, although his words did seem a bit slurred. You see that an opened book sat on the seat of a chair in the sitting area. He must have been reading before you interrupted him. You turn around, and lift your chin, trying to look and sound as put together and unsuspecting as possible.

You clear your throat, “I wanted to apologize for this morning.” You nod. It wasn’t true, but you had rehearsed with Din several times the best way to stall time as you looked for the map, and this was the best way of going about. “It was inappropriate behavior, especially in front of the General.” You disagreed with your own words, and felt bad lying, but it came so naturally when done to the Prince.

Korkie sighs, and crosses over the room, looking up at a portrait above the fireplace. Your eyes still searched for your map, but had no clue where it might be. This was your first time here, after all. “Worry not, Highness.” Korkie downs a bit of brandy that was sitting for him. You didn’t like him when he was drunk.

“You’re sure?” You figured that would have made conversation more natural, but he clearly was not in the mood for propriety. He pours another drink, and even pours one for you, offering it. You shake your head and mutter a ‘no thank you’, not really wanting to get drunk tonight. Din wouldn’t touch you if you were drunk. You admired that he respected you that much, but it also deprived you of the one thing worth all the pomp and circumstance. Korkie shrugs and drinks both, and you’re frankly appalled by this conduct.

“Indeed.” He hiccups. “Everyone loves a little show.” He chuckles, and you frown. Was that all your humiliation was to him? A show? “Now, Princess,” He takes a step towards you, and you feel so unprotected. Din would have stepped in by now, you knew that. You didn’t have the same sense of security you usually had when he wasn’t at your side. “Why did you really come here?” He asks, running his hand through his hair.

“Excuse me?” You nervously laugh. How did he figure any of this out? You take steps back that mirror his, trying to keep the same amount of distance between him and you but struggling to when you hit the post of his bed, your back flush against it. Your hands wrap around the wood working, and you look up at him nervously. You felt the same as you didn’t when you were cornered and harassed in the slum of Keldabe. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You clear your throat, trying to solve something, anything. Where could that cursed map be?

“Don’t-“ He says through gritted teeth, he catches himself from lashing out, and collects his composure before speaking again. “Don’t assume I am blind.”

“I would never-“

“Liar!” He spits out and you flinch back. He laughs a few times, it’s that evil, frustrated laugh. It was the type of laugh that people do when they’re trying to calm themselves down, but in turn they simply seem more angry. You were genuinely scared, unsure of what to do in this situation. “What were the directions you wrote on the back of the map?” He asks, and you furrow your brows.

“I don’t know what you mean?” This was partially true. How did he not understand the very neat and clear directions on the back of the blueprints to the secret passages? And in all curiosity, why did he care?

Korkie grunts again. “You are foolish.” He was dangerously close to you, and you wanted to get out of that room as soon as possible. You wanted Din to come protect you, you needed him to. “Are you forgetting who you belong to?” His hand sets on your hip, and you flinch again.

“I belong to no one.” You defy.

“You belong to me.” He grits his jaw again. You closed your eyes out of instinct due to the sheer anger and tension in his tone. His breath smelled of alcohol, and you wished you had the authority to slap him. He laughs his chuckle of malice again, and then before you can blink, he leans in for a kiss. How could he? How could he take advantage of your vulnerable state like this? Your blood boiled, and just in time, you dodge his lips. You swoop under his arm, away from the bedpost and back to the security of a full room you can avoid him in. He looks at you, clearly appalled. You were dizzy, probably from adrenaline. You wished this was surprising, but it was the exact thing you expected The Prince to do. This is when you noticed the map was rolled up and on the floor beside the fireplace. The new perspective of the room is what made you see it. Had he intended to burn it?

“You know,” You say as you take a step towards the map, “You should have another drink.” You offer. “You’re clearly tense,” You stepped between each phrase, “And it would be better for everyone.” Somewhere deep down you wanted to believe that Korkie was only acting this way because he was drunk. But you knew it wasn’t true. You realized that everything inside of you was looking for a redeemable quality in him, a reason to stay perhaps. You wanted to believe he was worth staying for, but you knew that he wasn’t, not when everything you’ve ever wanted was just outside the door.

Before Korkie can take another step towards you, you’re bolting towards the map, snatching it up in your hands and then running towards the door. The adrenaline shoots through your veins, and it only grows when you hear him growl again and his heavy footsteps run after you. You have to physically hold yourself back from squealing in stress, your hand slapping over your mouth. You rip the door open, and try slamming it behind you, but Korkie’s arm is caught in the door, and you smash it. He cries out, and the commotion makes Din run down the hall towards you to check what was going on. Korkie was able to get a hand on the collar of your dress, and he tries to pull you back in, but your strength is enough to get away. You ran to Din, who looked concerned, you could tell by his stance alone. He was tense and his hands balled in fists at his side.

Korkie pulls open the door, holding his arm to his chest, and you look back, your heart racing. You are so relieved when you make it to Din, and you grab his hand, threading your fingers into his and pulling him down the hall in the same fashion he did early that day. Several guards who heard the heir’s yell were running in all directions, but none of them paid any attention to you, thank the stars.

You think you are crying, but you aren’t sure. You felt raw fear being alone with the Prince. You never wanted to be alone with him again, never.

You keep running nonsense in the castle, not really sure where you’re going but wanting to be anywhere other than there. Din is the one to stop you after the mindless escape, pulling you into a branching hallway and against an unsightly window. He grabs both of your arms, and pulls you flush against his chest. He holds you there for a long time, and you both get a chance to catch your breath. You cry into the beskar chestplate, and feel rather foolish for reacting as such. Din was silent, and just held you, his strong arms wrapped around you as tightly as they could be.

“What did he do to you?” He asks, and you sigh out pathetically. Din repeats his question, still calm and gentle, but more urgent.

“I-I was so scared.” You stutter. Din somehow squeezes you tighter after you say this. After you collect yourself a little more, you can speak again, “he was drink-“

“Did he… touch you?”

You weren’t sure why you felt like you were in trouble, but aggressively reminded yourself that Din would never be upset with you, at least not for something like this. “Yes… But not very much, he just touched my hip and leaned in to kiss me.”

“Did he?”

“No!” You say almost defensively, “I got away just in time.” You pull away and look up at him with teary eyes. His hand comes up, and he pulls the glove off. His bar hand caresses your flushed face, swiping a tear off your cheek with his thumb. “I’m sorry-“

“Why?”

“I don’t know!” You breathe out shakily. “For crying I guess? For letting the map get away? For letting him touch me-“ You try to look away but his fingers catch your chin again, pulling your gaze back onto his helmet.

“Stop that. It’s not your fault. He is disgusting for doing that.” Din nods, and you swallow a sob. “Do you understand?” He asks, and you slowly nod once. “And promise me, that you’ll never ever blame yourself for anything like that ever again, okay?” You nod again. “Promise me!” He wasn’t angry or forceful, just steadfast with his words. He meant what he was saying.

“I promise.” You mutter. After you reply you hear his exhale in his armor. He pulls you against his chest again, and you can feel it move with each breath. You wished you could hear his heartbeat again like you could when you wake up next to him. You’re able to finally relax, and his embrace was the most calming thing you had ever experienced.

“I was worried sick about you.” He says, far more soft spoken than his remarks before. You didn’t verbally reply, but he was able to read how you felt. “I don’t like you being alone with him.”

“Me neither.” You sigh, squeezing your eyes shut and letting the final few tears fall out of your lashes. “All the more reason to leave.” He tenses after you say it, and his arms loosen a bit around your shoulders.

“You really want to?” He asks, you nod against his chest. “You know the possible consequences? This could mean the destruction of Corellia.”

“I know. That’s why it’s so hard. I don’t know what to do. I know what I want, and that is to leave here with you, but I don’t want my own selfishness to risk the lives of thousands who I vowed to protect.” You pull your head away from his chest.

“You… really want to live a life with me?” He asks, almost oblivious to your prior remark. You nod nod, or even say yes, but you just look up at him in all seriousness, hoping it would be enough.

It was.

“You don’t even know what I look like.” His arms drop. Did he think you a fool for that?

“We…” You debate your words, “We can change that.” You close your eyes, hoping that it would mean something to him, and maybe it did, but just as always, he didn’t show it. He just takes his cursed, gloveless hand and tilts your chin up to see him.

“In time we will, but only when it is right.” He nods.

It wasn’t the answer you wanted, but it was enough. It was more than anything he had ever given you before.

“Come on,” Din says gently, “There’s something I want to show you.” He beckons with his head down the hall, and you follow, interlocking your fingers with his again, the map in your other hand. You weren’t really sure how he was able to be so calm and reassuring, especially without showing an ounce of emotion through all of it, but it was a Godsend. You weren’t sure if Din loved you, at least not in the same way you loved him, but you were sure that he cared about you, and he wanted you to be safe and happy. And that was all you needed, for now.

“Had he read the map?” Din asks as you walk down a flight of stairs, descending the various levels of the palace and undoubtedly heading for the staff quarters again.

“I believe so.” You sigh, “Although he seemed confused about it. I think he was a little too drunk to fully comprehend, or he was giving me the benefit of the doubt.” You shrug.

“Well, at least we have it now, right?” Din asks, his head slightly turning back to look at you as he says it, and you give a nervous but relieved smile in response. The two of you loop through halls, and you’re very aware of how much the castle is winding down. Staff have retired for the night, doors were closed, even the usual laughter coming from parlors or the ballroom was silenced. Was it really that late? You didn’t really have much of a perception of time anymore after everything that had just happened.

The one part of the castle that was full of life, however, was the staff quarters. As you got closer, you could hear the usual laughter, and warm, welcoming light poured from the low corridor. Music played, it was loud, and your eyes searched for the spectacle that was just awaiting you.

“You said you wanted to get to know the staff better…”

“I did?” You ask.

“A few nights ago, you were really tired, you might not remember.” He shrugged. You didn’t really care whether or not you really said those things, what stuck out to you, however was that Din remembered that. He was observant enough to remember specific phrases you said, and not any phrases, the ones that were sleepy and probably full of nonsense. You would lie if you said you didn’t gush over that a little.

Din takes you into the staff common room, and it’s all clear. The warm smells, the enticing light, the infectious laughter, it all came from the whole castle staff crammed into this one room. There was food, and everyone laughed and danced to the music that a handful of staff members played. Their instruments were humble, probably retired from the royal orchestra years ago, but you could tell there were fond memories and stories linked with every single one. It was hot, and there were a lot of people crammed into the room. The doors were wide open, and the tables were pushed back against the walls so that the floor could be opened to a large and intricate group dance. It was nothing like the pompous dances that the nobility did at the ball, however. This dance was filled with joy, and mistakes were not only welcomed, but celebrated. Expression was the center of the party, and all types of people were involved. Children who were up far past their bedtime joined in the festivities, dancing and laughing and chasing one another, elderly staff sat at the tables, clapping along to the folk music, and the servants who usually give you sour tea and hot bread had their shoes off, jumping on the stone floor of the common area. Some of the knights and guards had their helmets on like Din usually did, and others did not. You realized it really probably boiled down to personal preference, or duty.

You smiled at the spectacle, and it gave you a deep and undeniable sense of community and love. You quickly learned that the livelihood of the castle did not rest in the parties and rules that an uptight Queen set in place, but the very people who made the castle work smoothly.

The laughter and joy was contagious, and you couldn’t stop yourself from joining the fun. You jump into the dance, not sure of the steps, but picking up your ridiculous skirt and starting anyways. You hoped it wasn’t obvious that you had been crying a half hour before, but no one paid any attention if it was. The women in the circle linked their arms with yours, and you spun in a circle. The one to your right couldn’t have been older than fifteen, and she yelled over the noise how to do the footsteps. You couldn’t really hear her, but looked down at her feet and tried to mimic it. You had the cheesiest smile on your face, and the room spun as you danced. Din crosses over to a wall, leaning against it and crossing his arms, watching you.

After that dance finished, another song started, and the moves were rather different. However, a girl pulled you out of the circle, and tugged on your dress. “It’s too big!” She shouts over the music, “You’ll never make it through the next song!” You nod and then walk over to a table. You stand on top of the table after a few jumbled ‘excuse me’s’. You were sure everyone recognized you, but they didn’t treat you differently for one moment. It was… refreshing. You kicked your shoes off, and several people turned to look at you, some cheered, others laughed. You then bite your bottom lip and pull the strings of the corset you wore, loosening it enough to slip out of your crinoline and ruffled-slip, leaving you in nothing but your undergarment petticoat and the top layer of the gown you were wearing. There was laughter, and you didn’t hear or see Din chuckle. You swayed your hips, and after a playful “huzzah!” from the crowd, a few knights helped you off the table. You immediately return to the dance circle, and you’re able to move much easier. You’re thrown back into the stimulating dance. The woman was right, this was much more physical, jumping and kicking was done and it was far more exciting than any of the proper waltzes you had spent your life dedicating time to.

You step out after two more songs, trying to catch your breath and wiping the sweat off your brow. There was alcohol, just hooch, but a bearded man gave you a big mug and you happily chugged it down. Din was impressed with your ability to consume so much so quickly. The men all cheered and hollered as you downed the drink, also impressed with the skill. You didn’t know you could do it, either.

A game of cards is being played, and you’re roped into that, too. You bet some money (money you didn’t have) and helped a tired, old man who usually worked in the stables play, after a few tough rounds, and struggling to learn the rules as you played, you won the pot for the old man. Three other much younger boys who usually worked at the front gate looked in shock as you pulled the money towards you and the man. He laughed and thanked you for your help.

Some little girls examined your crinoline and corset, a few older women all pinched your cheeks, and a fat man gave you a huge helping of mashed potatoes and greens. You got to overeat shamelessly, and it felt so rewarding after weeks of eating like a bird in fear of being judged by your in-laws. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world to be treated normally. You caught a glimpse of Soniee, who braided a boy’s hair. You even noticed that Koska was there, the center of one of the dance circles, swaying her skirt to the beat with another girl, the two dancing together in a vibrant duet of culture and community. Your feet only began to hurt when you were pulled to dance again, and your cheeks ached from smiling so wide. It was the most alive and accepted you had ever felt in Mandalore.

At one point, you found yourself just a few feet away from Din in the dance. You hold your hands out for him, beckoning him to join. “Dance with me!” You shout out. Before you get an answer, however, you're pulled back into the center of the group. It isn’t for a few more cycles and bars of the song that you’re back out by him. “Please?” You try to be as enticing as possible. He shakes his head, his hand coming up to decline. You raise an eyebrow.

“I don’t dance!” He yells back. You roll your eyes and step out of the group momentarily. You grab both of his hands, your face with the cheesiest smile ever, and pull him onto the floor. He tries to fight back, but ultimately loses.

“Yes you do!” You reply, yelling as loud as possible so he might be able to hear you. “You proved it to me last week!” You say and in perfect time, your arms go up together with the beat of the song. He hadn’t done this dance before, but has watched it enough times to know what’s going on, although he looked rather awkward and foolish doing so. You grab his hand, your hips turning left to right in time, and you look down at your bodies, trying to show him as best as you can.

“I have no idea what’s going on!” Din yells at one point, the two of you now in the heart of the party.

“Me neither!” You laugh, “That’s what’s so wonderful about it!” Then came the part of the dance to clap your hands, the two of you clapping up by your face, and mirroring one another. “Now you’re getting the hang of it!” You nod. He rolls his eyes, and is thankful you can’t see it. It would be horrible for his reputation if anyone knew that he was having even a little fun, especially because it was with you. Din doesn’t usually come to these parties. They happen most Saturday nights, but he runs home to his son. Tonight, however, it was important to him that you got to experience it, especially after everything that happened earlier today.

You both start getting the hang of it, and Din mentally thanks his helmet for hiding the smile on his face. Your feet grapevine, and then you both jump. Everyone hoots and hollers, it’s part of the dance. Suddenly, the both of you are in the middle of the dance circle in the same way that Koska was with her partner a few songs ago, and you’re leading the spiral. You can’t wipe the darkish smile off your face and genuinely can’t believe you got him out here.

“Atta boy, Djarin!” Koska yells from a table, standing up and toasting a Ming of hooch. The music picked up in preparation for the big finish. Din and you spun around one another, your bodies coming flush until your palms press flat, your faces only inches apart. You always thought playing off of one another in a dance was important for the emotion during a waltz, but a fancy three-step had nothing on the emotion and passion put into a dance such as this. Somehow, you could still play off of him, and the performance was one of shared respect and assurance. Despite never having seen his face, you got the Knight, you understood him in a way no one ever did. The song ends, the two of you real close to one another, and out of breath. The entire room roared in joy as they cheered for the both of you, and you looked up at the visor of his helmet.

“I want to kiss you!” He yells, and although his request is very clear, no one can hear it over the volume of the room.

“Then kiss me!” You reply. You didn’t give a damn if every servant of the Mandalorian royal family saw it. He laughs, you feel it, and then he’s pulling his helmet up.

He just reveals his lips, but you look upon them with no shame, admiring the way his Cupid’s bow dipped, and the scruff on his jawline. You smiled wide, and he smiled back. You feel honored to share this moment with him. Everyone around you was so loud, and they were cheering for both you and Din. You couldn’t believe how many of them knew his name as they called it out in encouragement.

Din’s free hand wraps around your waist, and pulls it in tight to him forcefully, you blush at the gesture, and the crowd “ooh’s” flirtily at it. Din Djarin then kisses you. He pulls your body into his soft lips and you sigh into it and it;s too quiet for him to hear but as soon as your lips meet, the crowd of staff disappears. Their cheers blur together, and fade out. Your lips move together passionately, and you do so with no shame. He groans against you, and you can feel it more than you can hear it, and it’s all you ever wanted.

For weeks now you just wanted to share your love with him publicly, and now that you have, you’re aware of how personal your love with him really is.

The crowd fades back in, everyone laughing in support and amusement. Your lips softly party and you grin from ear to ear. Din does too, shameless for once. His teeth are nice and straight. Oh God, you loved his smile.

Oh Stars, you loved him.

“Din!” You yell out. “I love you!” It was time to say it, because it was true. You meant it and as you say it, giggle.

“What?”

“I love you!” It’s so loud that you’re even sure if he can’t hear it, you can barely hear it yourself. But, in classic Din Djarin fashion, he doesn’t answer. He was never good with words, and was much better at showing you what was on his mind. He kisses you again, just as passionately, but this time it’s a series of short, quick pecks on your lips that get progressively more sloppy. He smiles into each kiss and you feel those magic butterflies again.

The rest of the night is a dreamy blur, Din dances the whole time with you, the music eventually slows, you notice that there are less and less kids in the common room. It winds down, and your feet ache in the best way. An ache that would be associated with happy memories. It was long past midnight when you decided to stop dancing, and a lone fiddler is all who was left in the band, playing a ballad to end the night. There was still soft laughter, and a few stragglers who slowly danced to the music. Din was one of the few who were still playing cards, one of his fellow knights challenging him to a game. Din was always up for a challenge, and both he and the man he played against looked deep in thought. You realized you were finally able to read him through all that beskar, and he was far more reactive than you ever would have known if you weren’t looking for it. Your cheek sits in your palm, and your eyes are heavy, but you watch him fondly from across the room. Koska sits next to you, handing you a cup of water.

“You had fun.” She hums, taking a sip out of her own cup.

You nervously laugh in response, she wasn’t wrong. “I didn’t realize how connected you all were.” You say with a sigh before taking a sip of the water and being so relieved to finally get some hydration after all of the energy you exerted.

“Yeah…” Koska was in her typical undisturbed mood, relaxed and observant. “These are the people of Mandalore.” She sighs, “They are what we really represent. We aren’t all about war and decoration, there’s so much more to us that the world doesn’t see.” You were touched by that remark, because you had seen it too. “The truth that’s hard for all of us to believe is that the rest of the world only respects us to stay on our good side.” Her voice drops a little. She looks at you, her eyes heavy as always. You aren’t sure how to respond, because it was true. Koska takes another sip before changing the subject, “I’ve never seen him dance before.” She nods towards Din. “At least not like that.” She laughs into her cup.

You smile, “I didn’t think he had it in him.” You tease.

“He wouldn’t have if you weren’t there.” Koska shrugs. “He’s like a whole different person around you. It’s refreshing.”

“He told me about everything that happened.” You reply. “With him and Bo.”

“He did? I don’t think he’s really talked to anyone about it.”

“He just told me last week, after the ball.” You nod. “I had no idea… but it all makes sense in the end.” You finish off the last of your water as his card game finishes, the few people watching cheering as Din lays down his cards and wins. The other knight, whose face was also covered by a heavy, beskar helmet slammed his fist down on the table in defeat. Din took the money that was on the bet.

“He’s better because of you.” Koska says, smiling as he wins. “I’ve had to look out for him in a way for a long time, he’s one of my oldest friends.” She speaks of him fondly. “But I feel like he doesn’t need me as much anymore, now that you can keep an eye out for him.” Koska turns to look a t you, but you don’t notice it. “You love him?”

“I do.” You nod. “Well… I think I do.” You sigh, “I don’t really know what love is I suppose, but I believe how I feel about him is the closest thing to it.” You shrug. “And I’m totally fucked because of it.”

“I wouldn’t know.” Koska explains, “I’ve never been in love either.”

“Really?” You ask, mildly shocked in all honesty. Koska nods. “There’s no one special in your life?”

“Well, there’s one girl.” Koska begins, “But my feelings towards her are more of an… obligation, I suppose.”

“I used to worry that’s how Din felt about me.” You admit.

“Oh trust me,” She chuckles once, “It isn’t like that for him at all.” She hums and you sigh in response, you sit in comfortable silence for a moment after that before Koska speaks up again, “What are you gonna do?” She asks.

“I don’t know.” You admit, turning to look at her, “But now that the majority of the castle staff has seen us kiss, I need to think of something.”

“That was pretty stupid, by the way.” Koska rolls her eyes.

You chuckle, “I suppose it was…” Din starts walking back to you, “But I can’t seem to care. I’m sick of hiding from everyone.” Din makes it to the two of you, and you smile as you look up at him.

“It’s not much,” He holds out the money before pocketing it, “But Rue will be happy.” He laughs and holds a hand out for you to take. “How drunk is she?” He asks Koska.

“She’s fine-“

“I only had one drink!” You roll your eyes, knowing that your night with Din will end very quickly if you were drunk. You take his hand and he hoists you up with him.

“Hm… that’s what you said the other night.”

“She’s okay, maybe a little tipsy but nothing keeping her from holding a perfectly normal conversation.” Koska says to Din, knowing full well why he even asked, a smirk plasters on her face.

“Come on.” Din hums, and pulls you down one of the various halls that branch from the common room, but not the one that both of you were familiar with because of your aid from Koska.

Din leads you through the candle-lit halls, and into a small bedroom. It was cramped, and there was barely enough room for the both of you, but it was cozy. He lit an oil lamp, and it illuminated the room just enough. Din slowly pulls off his helmet, and it’s so dim that you can’t really see anything like normal, but you can make out faint features and the light in his eyes. It was enough. He started to take off his armor too, and you patiently waited with your back against the outerwall that the window was in. He sets the chestplate and pauldrons in a neat pile on the foot of the bed, and kicks his boots off. His arm comes up to rub his neck, and he stretches a few times. He pulls the chainmail up over his head, leaving him in the same peasant blouse and trousers that he wore at the beach all those days ago. You would never get used to how trim his waist was, and how broad his shoulders were. He turns around, and has a smile on his face. You wished you could see him in the light. Din runs his hands through his thick curls and then steps towards you. You close the gap and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him in for an innocent kiss.

“Thank you.” You mutter.

“What for?”

“For bringing me here tonight… for being with me.” You sigh, and look up at him lovingly. He sighs, and kisses you again. Din starts to deepen the kiss, and you moan into his lips. He was a good kisser, that was for sure.

[SMUT BEGINS HERE]

Din wastes no time, he picks you up by the thighs, lifting you on his waist so you’re kissing down into him, and before you know it, he’s kissing your jaw. Din had learned your body, he knew the sweet spot on your jaw, and always knew just how long he could suck on it before it became a hickey. He never crossed that line, he knew when to stop, but how badly you wanted him to mark you up so Korkie could see, you wanted everyone to see who you loved and why. His strong hands bunch up your skirt, and lift it up so your ass could be uncovered. His arms hold you, and he stumbles back until he falls on the bed in the room. You straddle the knight and get comfortable on his lap. You can feel his hard-on growing, and you’ll never get over the confidence boost that gives you. You start to tentatively rub your hips so that you grinned down into him. You get a sting of pleasure through your spine, and you’re already getting wet. Because you were down in the lower level of the palace, and was totally isolated from most people with thick, stone walls, you take advantage of the opportunity to make noise. You moan into Din’s mouth, and he holds his lips apart for you. His breath against your face was enough alone to drive you crazy, and your fingers twist around the strands of curly, brown hair that sit at the nape of his neck.

Din’s thick, calloused fingers find their way between your legs from the back, and he starts to gently run his fingertips through your slick folds. You gasp at the feeling, he was so gentle with every move. He starts to moan as well as your hips grind further into him in search for more friction and pleasure, and the sound of his voice unobstructed by the beskar is your favorite sound in the whole world. Din settles into his seat, and he pulls you forward onto him. This allows your hips to lift up just enough that he can insert a finger through your cunt. He starts pumping his wrist immediately, fingering you. You pulled your lips away from him, and sat up straight. You throw your head back with a moan, and then bring your hands to the tucked in portion of your shirt. You pull it up over your head, and wriggle out of the slip that kept you clothed. You were finally naked, and you took your free hands and squeezed each nipple. Between the feeling of Din’s fingers deep inside of you, his growing-bulge rutting against your clit, and the added pinch of your nipples, you were already in a euphoric bliss that didn’t take long to reach.

“Din-“ you moan his name, which he loved. He’s eager, and isn’t afraid to show it. Din pulls his cock out from his trousers, and he lets you grind against the tip. You keep it from going in, trying to tease him in the same way that he did the morning after the ball. It was really just driving you over the edge, really, and so before you let his swollen tip prod at your slickness anymore, you steady yourself on his broad shoulders, and take a deep breath before sinking down onto him. Both of you moan out when you do, and he throws his head back, exposing a thick cord of muscle in his neck. You bend down to nip at his adam’s apple before suckling into his tan skin, making sure to leave a massive, purple bruise on the middle of his neck. You bottom out as you do this, and the sensation shoots up your body. You liked being on top for the sheer fact that it gave you a different angle. Din’s length was pressing up into you now, and he filled you up delightfully. Your favorite feeling in the world was being stuffed by him like this.

You could feel every inch of him as you lifted your hips up, you were so wet and it was already such a loud, obscene noise. You kept sucking hickeys into him, and your hands moved from his neck down to the hem of his blouse. You grab the sheer fabric, and pull it up over his head so that Din is finally as shirtless as you. His huge hands stay on your ass, squeezing the fat there and using his own strength to lift you up and down on his cock. It’s slow at first, but it allows the both of you to really savor the feeling of one another. You scratch your fingernails down his pecs, scratching at his abdomen, and then finally trailing in between your legs to circle at your clit as the pace picked up. You lean forward to rest your glistening forehead on his bare shoulder, and your bare chests press into one another.

Din begins to thrust his hips up, and before you know it, you’re bounding on his cock. It’s fast and hard and your weight is slamming you down on to him over and over again with no end in sight. It’s painful in a good way, the same type of ache that would have good memories and passion attached to it. You knew your core would be sore tomorrow, but it was worth it as Din’s huge cock runs against your g-spot over and over again inside of you. Your fingers speed up on your clit, and you bite down on Din’s shoulder muscle to keep from being too loud. He’s grunting and growling and is absolutely feral and the noises eliciting off of his kiss-swollen lips are needy yet dominate at the same time. You could get drunk on his breathy-sighs, his voice as dark and husky as always.

“That’s it,” He groans into your ear, you moan in response to his words. You loved when he was vocal because it was so rare that he actually was. “Are you gonna cum on my fucking cock, Princess?” He asks.

“Mhm.” You pathetically moan.

“Fuck-“ he groans, and then shifts his position. Suddenly, the two of you are standing up, and the way his length moves and twitches inside of you as he stands up pulls an involuntary moan from your lips. Din lifts you up with his arms, arching his torso back so that you can lean on him. He then gets right back at the task at hand: chasing your orgasm. It was close, you could feel it, and somehow Din seemed to have more energy and strength in this position. He lifted you up and down on his cock, and your arms found their place wrapped back around his neck, desperately trying to hold yourself up as he absolutely tears into you. He was so big, you keep forgetting how thick he is until his swollen and hard cock is filling you up like you were only made for this exact thing.

He must have gotten tired, you could tell not only by the sheen layer of sweat on his chest, but he pulled you off of himself, and threw you onto the bed. You giggle at the forceful contact, and like being tossed around in bed. It made you feel small, and it really showed his strength. Din pumps his leaking cock a few times, kneeling in front of you and pulling your legs apart. You bite your lip out of lust before he slaps the head of his length on your cunt a few times. The sound is so dirty, and it makes you even wetter.

“Stars, you’re so fucking wet for me.” He bites his lip, slapping his cock harder against you. “Can you hear that? Can you hear how fucking wet that pussy is?” He asks you. Stars, he was good at this.

“Yes… so wet for you.” You sigh, your hand coming down to play with your clit again. Din mutters a ‘that’s right’ before he slides himself through your folds a few times again before pushing into you one more, and he doesn’t hold back. His hands find their way to your hips, and he presses them down into the bed as hard as he can, pinning you in place. He starts to pound into you, and it knocks the wind out of you because of how abrupt and forceful it is. You can’t even really make noise to show how good it was, and instead a few strangled and helpless cries pull from your throat.

“Do you fantasize about my cock when you’re with your fiance? Hm? Does it turn you on knowing that you’re cheating on him?” He asks, and you can finally moan out. He was right, he knew you would say yes.

“Yes!” You say, “I can’t stop thinking about your cock!” You reply, your voice high-pitched and so needy.

“Do you think about me fucking this pussy like a bitch on my cock when you’re in important meetings?” He asks again. There was something about the disrespect that you loved, it only made things better.

“Yes sir!” You cry. Din chuckles and then smacks your ass cheek. His slamming into you so hard that you can’t believe he hasn’t gotten tired yet. You can see how his muscles flex against the moonlight and your core is aching from the knight but it’s all worth it. “I’m gonna cum!” You warm, arching your back in pleasure. Din then spits on your cut, adding to the hot wetness and dirty sounds, and he pulls your fingers away from your clit and replaces them with his.

“Cum with me,” He groans, and almost immediately, you’re cumming on his leaking cock at the same time that he does. He cums so much, and you’re always surprised by it. His load drips down your folds, and he fucks you through it. It’s filthy and you want to keep doing it for the rest of your life. Your arms come up to grasp his biceps, trying to steady yourself on anything. Din moans loud when he cums, and it isn’t until he starts softening inside of you that he quits thrusting. He doesn’t pull out, however, and he stays stuffed inside of you as he catches your breath. You’re fucked-out, your eyes heavy and breasts heaving with each deep breath that tries to calm your heart rate. “I love cumming in you.” He sighs. You already knew that, but you loved how he told you. He goes to pull out, but your thighs squeeze together, holding him in place.

“Stay inside.” You whine. Din tilts his head.

“Fuck, you’re perfect.” He bends down to kiss your forehead, and then very carefully and slowly turns the two of you so that he is spooning you, his cock still buried inside your dripping and swollen cunt. “You did good, you did so good.” He kisses your neck as he says these, breathing in deep your scent. “S’good… so good.” He catches his breath, and is just as exhausted as you are, if not more. His chest heaves against your back, and his arms pull you against him. You fight against sleep, but ultimately fail, submitting to rest almost immediately after Din pulls the blanket over the both of you. Just before you fall asleep, you hear him mumble something against your neck, although you aren’t sure what it is.

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part fifteen

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yelena-bellova · 4 years ago

Text

Safe Haven: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x fem!reader

chapter three - Chapter Four: Madripoor - chapter five

Series Masterlist

Plot: Y/n, Sam and Bucky pay an eventful visit to Helmut Zemo in Berlin, heading to Madripoor soon after to get answers about the serum.

Word Count: 7.4k

Warnings: spoilers for episode.3, angst, violence, description of injuries, a few crumbs for the slow burn, breaking the law and looking good doing it

A/N: These chapters always end up being so long lol. I was going to include the nightclub scene but it would’ve made it too long so sorry, it’ll have to wait a few more days. Forgive my shitty Russian translations, I’m on Google Translate and that’s not saying a lot.

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“Not that it makes a difference, but I still don’t like this.” I’d voiced my displeasure about meeting with Zemo several times since we’d arrived in Germany. Even though we were already being led through the high security Berlin prison hallways, I still felt the urge to state my opinion.

The guard that was guiding us gestured towards a door, “He’s just through the corridor.”

“Give us a sec,” Bucky said, the three of us coming to a halt in the middle of the hall. “I’m gonna go in alone.” “Why?” Sam asked.

“You’re an Avenger, you know how he feels about that,” Bucky looked to me, “You, I’m trying to keep as far away from him as possible.”

“It’s not like you two were known for frolickin’ in the sun together,” Sam remarked.

“I’m gonna say it again,” I took an assertive step forward, “I don’t like this.”

“He was obsessed with HYDRA,” Bucky pushed, “We have a history together. Trust me, I got it.”

Taking my cue from Sam, who didn’t fight him any more, I nervously watched Bucky stalk down the hallway to the corridor that led to our possible next step.

“Is he really okay?” I asked, watching Bucky’s figure until he disappeared, “I feel like we’re going a little too far with this.” “He’s invested, which means he’s desperate,” Sam answered, leaning his back against the wall, “This is a little too much though.”

I copied his posture and we stood in silence, the occasional guard passing by. “What happened last night after I left the room? C’mon, you come out crying and you thought I was gonna let it go?” “Bucky and I were just…” I sighed, remembering the change that had happened between our two conversations, “Learning to get along. I told him about Steve, that’s never fun to relive.” “Ah,” Sam nodded, “Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?” “You’re not mad at me that I gave up the shield, are you?”

My brows knitted together as I looked over at him, “Why would I be mad? Your decision wouldn’t have changed even if I was, would it?” “No, it wouldn’t have. But you were close to Steve too, you care about his legacy,” he went on, “We’re all angry about Walker. I don’t care if Bucky’s upset at me, but I always care if you are.” “Someone ever tell you you care too much sometimes?” I playfully nudged his sneaker with my own, “Of course I’m not mad, you know I support you no matter what. You made the right decision for you and you have nothing to apologize for. Bucky and even Steve don’t need to understand why you chose to give it up. Would it have been cool to say that my brother is Captain America?” I coaxed a laugh out of him, “Of course, but it doesn’t change how I see you. I’m just proud to say my brother is Sam Wilson.” He poked me with his elbow and smiled, “Now I remember why I keep you around.” “Y/n Y/l/n, Falcon’s Ego Booster.” We were sharing a laugh when Bucky came back around the corner. “That was quick,” I observed. He’d been in there five minutes tops.

“We’ve got our next stop.”

————

“What are you talking about? You wanna break Zemo outta jail?” Sam questioned in the dark, “Where are we, Buck? Have you lost your mind?”

“We have no leads, no moves, nothing,” Bucky replied, shining his flashlight around to try and find the power switch. I couldn’t clearly make out where he had brought us to, he’d brought us through the back door of the building. “So because we’ve hit one dead end, you want to spring one of the most dangerous men in the world out of prison?” I asked, shining my flashlight at Bucky causing him to throw a hand up to shield his eyes, “Bucky, I don’t-“ “Like this,” he finished, “I got that, but we’ve got eight Super Soldiers on the loose.” “Zemo’s gonna miss with our minds, especially yours,” Sam interjected, “No offense.” I made out Bucky’s silhouette reaching up a beam, a loud click of a switch and the lights began to turn on. “Offense,” he scowled.

With the lights on, we could finally see that we were in an auto shop. I was glad to be out of the prison but I wasn’t seeing the correlation between it and freeing Zemo.

“Super Soldiers go against everything he believes in,” Bucky continued, “He is crazy, but he still has a code.” “I’ve been on the wrong side of that code and so have you,” Sam countered, I’d heard in detail about the havoc Zemo had caused and the ramifications of his actions had caused Sam and Steve to become fugitives. Never mind what he’d done to Bucky…”He blew up the UN, he killed King T’Chaka and framed you for it. Did you forget that? You think the Wakandans forgot about it? It’s a rhetorical question, they didn’t. I know why this matters to you, but it’s pushing you off the deep end.”

Bucky stood in front of us now, “We don’t know how they’re gettin’ the serum. We don’t even know how many of them there are,” Sam turned his back in frustration, “Look, let me just walk you two through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

“What did you do?” Sam asked suspiciously, turning halfway to meet Bucky’s eyes.

“I didn’t…” Bucky’s looked away briefly, “Do anything.”

“Then by all means,” I leaned up against a beam and crossed my arms, not believing him at all, “Let’s ride the hypothetical train.” Bucky frowned at my sarcasm before launching into it, “The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element. Now, in this lockup, it’s nine to one, prisoners to guards. And if two prisoners start fighting, then the protocol says four guards have to respond.” “So why would two prisoners randomly start fighting at that moment?” Sam asked.

“Who knows? There could be many reasons…But the point is, these things escalate. Lockdown procedures would have to be initiated and with all those bodies flying around left and right, wouldn’t be hard to slip down a hallway or two. And if the fire alarm got tripped while the prisoners were being separated, someone could use the chaos to their advantage.”

“My gut is sounding off every alarm it has right now,” I commented from my place across from Bucky.

“Yeah, I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this, this is unnatural,” Sam replied finally, “Are you- and where are we, man?” A nearby door closing caused us to turn our attention towards it, a silhouette appearing soon after through a curtain. The shadow became a man and walked through the cloth divider wearing the face I’d had etched in my brain since the day it hit the news.

“You son of a bitch,” I mumbled, creating a ball of energy quickly with my hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Sam’s voice rose, walking with me towards the man, “What are you doin’ here?” Bucky was quick to throw himself in front of us, “No, listen. I didn’t want to tell you ‘cause I knew neither of you would let this happen.” “What the hell did you do?” I exclaimed.

“We need him,” Bucky said. Sam pointed to Zemo, “You’re going back to prison!”

“If I may,” the Sokovian man began, removing the hat of his stolen prison guard uniform.

“NO!” the three of us yelled at the same time. He hung his head, “Apologies…” Bucky turned back to Sam, “When Steve refused to sign the Sokovia Accords, you backed him. You broke the law, and you stuck your neck out for me,” when Sam averted his gaze, Bucky chased it, “I’m asking you to do it again.”

“And what about her?” Sam gestured to me and the ball of energy I still had formed in my palms, “What happens when she breaks the law?” Bucky’s pleading eyes drifted to me, “He’s our only shot at getting any answers.” My mind was wrestling with itself, his rightness was inevitably going to come at a cost we would all have to pay. On a technicality, yes, I could plead innocent to freeing Zemo. A coconspirator charge, I wouldn’t be so lucky with. But stopping the Flag Smashers meant saving lives and that wasn’t something I could walk away from. I deformed the energy in my hands in cautious surrender, “I’m already breakin’ the law by going against the accords, I need to make it worth it at least.” Sam shot me an exasperated glance, but he didn’t fight me.

“I really think I’m invaluable…” Zemo began from his corner.

“Shut up…” Sam warned, effectively shutting him up. Sam thought it all over for a second before pressing his flashlight to Bucky’s chest, “Okay. If we do this, you don’t make a move without our permission.” Zemo shrugged, “Fair.”

The three of us shared an uneasy look, there was no going back now. “Okay, Zemo, where do we start?”

“Follow me,” he smiled, leading the way out of the auto shop and expecting us to follow. Sam went first, eager to keep his eye on Zemo at all times while Bucky and I brought up the rear.

“I didn’t want to have to go this route,” he said from beside me as if he owed me some explanation for his actions. I sighed, trying to shut off the part of my brain that was screaming at me, “Just be right.”

We maneuvered through a few corridors until we hit a room filled with beautiful antique cars. “So our first move is grand theft auto?” Sam asked. “These are mine,” Zemo corrected, “Collected by family over the generations. I spent years hunting people HYDRA recruited to recreate the serum. Because once it’s out there, someone can create an army of people…like the Avengers,” he dug through one of the cars to pull out a bag and coat, “I ended the Winter Soldier program once before. I have no intention to leave my work unfinished.” My eyes unavoidably flickered to Bucky, observing his reaction to hearing his old code name. He simply watched the man continue speaking. “To do this, we’ll have to scale a ladder of lowlifes.”

“Well, join the party. We’ve already started…” Sam commented.

“First stop is a woman named Selby,” Zemo stated as he headed for the exit, “Mid-level fence I still have a line on. From there, we climb.”

Sam, Bucky and I left a gaping distance between us and him, we were still highly suspicious and I had a feeling we would be until our temporary partnership came to an end.

————

Zemo had gotten word to somebody that we’d be meeting them at a private airport in Berlin and flying to someplace called Madripoor. Somehow we’d made the journey without being recognized, even those of us who were wanted across the globe. “So all this time you’ve been rich?” Sam asked as we made our way towards the private plane.

“I’m a Baron, Sam,” Zemo answered, “My family was royalty until your friends destroyed my country.”

Zemo greeted the man standing outside the plane, who was dressed like a butler, in Sokovian. “Well,” I crossed my arms and watched one of the world’s most dangerous men exchange cheek kisses, “If we’re going to work with a criminal, at least we picked one that comes with transportation.” “Please,” Zemo said, gesturing for us to follow him up the plane’s steps. Sam awkwardly bowed to the butler and headed up. Bucky extended a hand towards the jet for me to go ahead of him before following closely behind.

When we filed into the plane, Sam and Zemo were already seated. I moved to take the chair across from the baron, wanting to keep as close an eye on him as I could. Bucky’s flesh arm reached out quickly and grabbed my shoulder, I turned to question him and met his wary expression. “Sit with Sam,” he muttered quietly, our faces close enough that I could feel his breath as he’d spoken. It dawned on me that he wanted me to have the safer position. I answered with a nod, maneuvering around him to sit across from Sam. Even though his hand had left my arm, I could still feel its print through my jacket.

We had been flying for maybe twenty minutes when Zemo’s butler, Oeznik, came in carrying a glass of champagne for Zemo and offering to whip up some food. It astounded me how to the world, he was evil yet to his servants, he was a joy. “You don’t know what it’s like to be locked in a cell,” the baron said before looking over at my brother, “Oh, that’s right. You do.”

Sam bypassed the jab remarkably, “Why don’t you tell us about where we’re going?”

“I’m sorry, I was just fascinated by this,” Zemo held up a book, “I don’t know what to call it, but this part seems to be important. Who is Nakajima?”

Not two seconds after the name had left his lips, Bucky out of his seat with his metal hand wrapped around Zemo’s neck. My heart stopped as I watched him lean over the man threateningly. “If you touch that book again,” he growled, “I’ll kill you.” This was a side of Bucky I had yet to see, the one that straddled the line between his dark past and his true self. As he sat back down, tucking the book in his pocket and refusing to meet my eyes, I could tell he wasn’t pleased with how he’d acted. I wasn’t in a place to criticize but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been slightly worried when his fingers hit Zemo’s skin.

“I’m sorry,” Zemo said, “I understand that list of names. People you’ve wronged as the Winter Soldier.” “Don’t push it,” Bucky rasped, collecting himself after the scene.

“I’ve seen that book,” Sam spoke up, “It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man, he wrote it in that book. Did you hear it? What’d you think?” “I like ’40’s music,” Bucky shrugged and looked out the window, “So…” “You didn’t like it?” Sam exclaimed.

“I liked it,” Bucky replied unconvincingly.

“It is a masterpiece, James,” Zemo chimed in, his hands forming a triangle, “Complete, comprehensive…It captures the African-American experience.” While my brows raised at the European’s surprising education, Sam’s furrowed. “He’s out of line, but he’s right. It’s great, everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

Bucky shook his head, “I like Marvin Gaye.” “Steve adored Marvin Gaye.” “He did,” I chuckled, reminiscing back to only last year, “Played him almost anytime I got in a car with him.” “You must have really looked up to Steve,” Zemo said, “But I realized something when I met him. The danger with people like him, America’s Super Soldiers, is that we put them on pedestals.” “Watch your step, Zemo…” Sam warned. “They become symbols. Icons. And then we start to forget about their flaws. From there,” he shrugged, “Cities fly, innocent people die. Movements are formed, wars are fought,” Zemo turned his attention to Bucky, “You remember that, right?” As a young soldier sent to Germany to stop a mad icon. Do we want to live in a world full of people like the Red Skull? That is why we’re going to Madripoor.” “What’s up with Madripoor?” Sam looked between the two men, “You guys talk about it like it’s Skull Island.”

“It’s an island nation in the Indonesian archipelago,” Bucky grumbled, “It was a pirate sanctuary back in the 1800s.” “It’s kept its lawless ways, but we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves,” Zemo’s unsettling eyes moved back to Bucky, “James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone.”

With the way Bucky’s expression had changed in mere seconds from complacent to tortured, it didn’t take long to decode what Zemo was insinuating. “No,” I blurted out, “That’s not fair to ask of him.” “I admire your devotion, Y/n,” Zemo complimented with his lips to his champagne flute, taking a quick sip, “But you know nothing of how Madripoor works. If you want to get to Selby, we must have protection. More than that, we must have leverage. James can provide us both by simply playing a part.” “Devo-?” I shook my head, sidestepping Zemo’s comment, “That’s not playing a part, that’s like reliving every nightmare you’ve ever had. I-it’s like-“ “Y/n,” I turned to see Bucky’s chair rotated towards me, looking helpless and determined all at once, “We need in.” “Yeah, but…” I started to protested before seeing his eyes, those ocean blue eyes I was growing to feel comforted by begging me to let the subject go. I clenched my own y/e/c ones shut in frustration, “Okay.” “Now that that’s settled,” Zemo stood from his seat, “I will find us something to change into, we will need to blend in where we’re going.” ——

The silver dress Zemo had chosen for me was…it made me wonder just what kind of scene we were planning to enter. It was more revealing than anything I typically wore, but gorgeous nonetheless and fit perfectly.

As I was finishing my makeup in the bathroom of the plane, I had to take a second to steel myself for what was to come. This wasn’t just dallying with Super Soldiers any more, this was dancing with the criminal underworld. Zemo hadn’t told us yet the roles we were playing, only that we needed to stay in character at all cost. I had never felt more out of my depth, but had no choice but to rise to the occasion. Giving myself one last check in the mirror, I unlocked and exited the bathroom.

“Okay, I hope whoever I’m playing is bad with heels,” I held up the elaborate shoes Zemo had matched to my dress, “Because there’s no way I’m going to be graceful in these.” Sam looked up from tying his dress shoes, dressed in a maroon suit patterned with yellow circles. His eyes scanned my outfit unapprovingly. “Uh uh,” he protested, going full protective big brother, “Nope. It shows too much.” “It doesn’t matter what it shows,” I said, bending over to strap on the shoes, “It’s what I’ve got.” “She’s right,” Zemo chimed in, putting his jacket on, “You two are supposed to be rich, glamorous travelers of the world. You need to look the part,” he nodded towards me, “You wear it well.” I politely smiled at the baron and looked up to Bucky, perched in the far corner of the jet. His gaze was fixed on me, eyes quickly traveling down my body before quickly locking with mine. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, his plush lips parted ever so slightly. I found myself just as drawn into him as he seemed to be with me, for a few seconds it was just the two of us shutting our surroundings out. It was…something. “You look nice,” Bucky finally said, his voice slightly strained.

My lips quirked upwards, “Thanks.” “It is time for us to leave,” Zemo announced, bursting the bubble Bucky and I had built, “You’d better get used to those shoes quickly, we’ll be making most of the journey by foot.” He hadn’t been lying. We departed the runway and walked our way towards the city. Madripoor looked beautiful on the outside, the high-rise buildings lit up in all different colors emitting a glow across the waters.

“We have to do something about this,” Sam finally exclaimed, holding the lapels of his patterned maroon suit, “I’m the only one who looks like a pimp.” “If you’re a pimp, what does that make me?” I gestured to the amount of skin I had on display, “Suck it up, Wilson.” “Only an American would assume a fashion-forward black man looks like a pimp,” Zemo added as we crossed the large bridge leading to the city, “You look exactly like the man you’re supposed to be playing. The sophisticated, charming African rake named Conrad Mack, aka the Smiling Tiger.” Sam took Zemo’s phone from his outstretched hand, “He even has a bad nickname.”

I leaned over to look at the picture of Sam’s doppelgänger, “Hey, be nice. That’s your twin you’re talking about.” “And you,” Zemo addressed me, “Conrad is known for entertaining beautiful women, one after the other,” he ignored the faces of disgust Sam and I made at the thought of acting as a couple, “You will be playing tonight’s date, no need to come up with a name or a story as his dates are typically just arm candy.”

“So I’m supposed to just sit and look pretty?” I side eyed Zemo in annoyance, “Great.” “You smell this?” he asked the group.

“Yeah, what is that? Acid?” Sam asked.

“Madripoor,” Zemo answered, “No matter what happens, we have to stay in character. Our lives depend on it. There’s no margin for error. High Town’s that way,” Zemo pointed towards the part of the city I’d been admiring, “Not a bad place if you want to visit, but Low Town’s the other way.” We approached a car waiting for us at the end of the bridge, ready to take us into the darkest part of the city. Bucky, who had remained silent since the plane, climbed into the backseat first while Zemo took the passenger’s side. “Let me guess,” Sam remarked as we moved to get in the car, “We don’t have any friends in High Town.”

“I’m guessing not,” I muttered, ducking into the back seat and sliding till I was pressed against Bucky. He didn’t make a sound, he barely even registered my presence. I was about to ask him if he was alright when I realized what he was doing. We all had our roles to play and Bucky was doing just that.

Sam climbed in next to me and we took off, me sandwiched between the two men trying to convince myself that I could do this. I could pretend to be someone I wasn’t to get answers, but my nerves was convincing me I was going to mess it up for us. No margin for error, Zemo’s words bounced around in my brain. He’d said our lives depended on it. They depended on whether or not I could keep it together. Sam must have sensed my anxiety because I felt his palm slide against my clammy one and squeeze. I sent a shaky one back, taking what comfort I could that I didn’t have to do this alone.

We were escorted in by a motorcade till we got to the seedier part of the city, the bridge we parked under painted with graffiti. Sam helped me out of the car and Zemo took our group through the back way into the city. As we crossed the overhead bridge, looking down into the city, I began to feel like my life had suddenly become some fever dream. Even more so once we entered the city and I was surrounded by people from all walks of life. Smugglers were making deals, guards were stationed outside buildings with machine guns, forgers were trying to sell to people. It was like nothing I’d ever seen. Sam kept me on his arm the entire time, selling our characters while still retaining his protective nature. We followed Zemo into a crowded bar, weaving our way through. “Here we are,” he announced quietly, our fellow patrons took notice as soon as they caught sight of Bucky, “Gotov podchinit'sya, zimniy soldat?” (Ready to comply, Winter Soldier?)

I tried my best to keep my face neutral, though an unwelcome chill went down my spine as Zemo began his act. It was wrong. It wasn’t fair to Bucky or his recovery to make him do this.

We approached the bar and the bartender came over immediately, “Hello, gentlemen. Ma’am. Wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.” “His plans changed,” Zemo explained, “We have business to do with Selby.”

The bartender looked over suspiciously at Sam, “The usual?” Sam nodded casually in response and the man walked away to begin prepping the drink. What took us by surprise was when he reached for a jar containing a dead snake rather than the bottle of alcohol. He proceeded to lay the reptile on a cutting board and slice its stomach open, I looked up to Sam who was doing his best to keep his composure. “Ah, Smiling Tiger,” Zemo jeered, “Your favorite.”

The bartender removed a piece of the snake’s guts and sunk it into a shot glass filled with vodka. I covered my mouth with my clutch to conceal my delight at the sight I was about to behold. Sam caught the action and addressed the bartender, “You know what? She’ll have one too.” “Oh, no, I don’t think so,” I quickly protested, waving it off as if it were a shot of tequila and not an animal intestine.

“No, girl, I insist,” Sam grinned phonily at me.

“They actually upset my stomach,” I giggled, glancing to the bartender, “Can’t hold my liquor to save my life, I’ll be up all night sick if it touches my lips. But you enjoy, sweetheart.” The bartender didn’t pay much attention to the exchange as he set the shot glass in front of Sam, who looked unconvincingly between the glass and Zemo. “I love these,” he stated, holding it up for us all to see.

“Cheers, Conrad,” Zemo clinked his glass against Sam’s.

Sam made several, hopefully convincing, noises of excitement about his drink. After giving it one last look, he shot it straight down, holding a thumbs up to the bartender afterwards.

“How badly are you trying not to throw up right now?” I whispered after the man had left.

“I can’t even hear you right now,” Sam replied in a strained voice, focusing on keeping the drink where it needed to be. An intimidating bearded man made us all turn around, he looked to Zemo. “I got word from on high. You ain’t welcome here.”

Zemo, ever the cool and collected presence, turned to the man. “I have no business with the Power Broker. But if he insists, he can either come and talk to me…” Zemo gestured to Bucky, standing at his side.

“New haircut?” the man asked Bucky, who stayed silent.

“Or bring Selby for a chat,” Zemo finished.

The man left, leaving us with questions. “A power broker?” Bucky grumbled, “Really?” “Every kingdom needs its king,” Zemo replied, “Let’s just pray we stay under his radar.”

“Do you know him?” Sam inconspicuously asked. “Only be reputation the baron answered, “In Madripoor he is judge, jury, and executioner.”

I spotted another man approaching us, this one walking with a purpose. Zemo looked to Bucky, the show was about to start. “Zimniy Soldat,” Bucky nodded once, “Attask.” (Winter Soldier, attack.) As soon as the stranger thumped Zemo’s shoulder, Bucky sprang to action, his metal hand grabbing and twisting the man’s arm. He pushed him to the center of the room where he proceeded to twist it further before dropping him to the ground. The groans coming from him were sickening as he lay helpless, clutching his most likely broken arm. As another patron came up to attack, Bucky moved fast to disarm him before power kicking him into a table several times. I clung to Sam’s arm even tighter as Zemo shoved someone forward for Bucky to punch, sending him sliding across the floor.

“Didn’t take much for him to fall back into form,” Zemo slyly observed, from my side. It took everything in me not to send him flying across the room right then. He was enjoying this.

When Bucky lifted a man by his throat and slammed him down on the bar was when guns all over the bar were cocked. Sam grabbed onto Bucky’s metal arm, ready to pull him back to us and to reality. “Stay in character,” Zemo whispered, dead serious, “Or the whole bar turns on us.” Sam dropped his arm as Zemo leaned into Bucky, “Molodets, soldat.” (Well done, soldier.)

“Selby will see you now,” the bartender said, watching the scene in awe. Bucky slowly let the man go, gasping and groaning for air once he was freed. Sam looked over warily, “You good?” When Bucky faced us, his eyes met mine before they met Sam’s. I wished I could have concealed my reaction better for his sake, but the second he had attacked was the first time since we’d met that I’d been properly scared of him. It made the incident on the plane look like nothing. My mind knew he was just acting, pretending to be someone he once was for the sake of furthering our mission. But my blood ran just as cold with fear as it would have if the Winter Soldier was standing in front of me. Bucky’s eyes now were watery, filled with pain that he’d worked hard with his therapist to get through, now being brought back to life. Had the bar not been watching and had I not needed to stick with Sam, I’d have been at his side trying to make sure he was alright. Instead, I could only watch as he sniffled, nodded to Sam and followed Zemo to wherever we were going next.

We were escorted upstairs through a series of hallways with a heavily armed guard following us. A white haired woman sat in the middle of the room we were led to, tapping her fingers against the couch she lounged on. “You should know, Baron, people don’t just come into my bar and make demands.” Zemo smiled, “Not a demand. An offer.”

Sam and I took our places standing next to Selby, Bucky stood watch across from us, back in his act.

“A lot has changed since you were here last,” Selby spared a look at Bucky, “By the way, I thought you were rotting away in a German prison. How did you escape?”

“People like us always find a way, don’t we?” Zemo shrugged, “I’m sure you’ve already figured out what I’m here for.”

Selby pointed a blind finger towards Sam, “You’re taller than I’d heard, Smiling Tiger,” she eyed Sam suggestively and gave him a purr before turning her attention to me, “And what a lovely little dish you’ve got with you.” Internally I was struggling to stay calm and had never felt more exposed with the thin materiel of the dress over my body. “What’s the offer?” Selby grinned at Zemo.

“Tell us what you know about the super-soldier serum,” Zemo replied, rising from his seat to circle Bucky, “And I give you him, along with the code words to control him, of course. He will do anything you want,” Zemo rubbed Bucky’s chin, playing with it to provoke him but knowing he could get away with it. I felt sick to my stomach.

“Now that’s the Zemo I remember,” Selby approved, “I’m glad I decided not to kill you immediately. Yeah, you were right to come to me. Arrogant, but right. The super-soldier serum is here in Madripoor. Dr. Wilfred Nagel is the man you wanna thank. Or condemn, depending on what side of this you’re on. The Power Broker had him working on the serum, but…things didn’t go as planned.”

I squeezed Sam’s arm, we were getting answers. The crazy, chaotic plan was actually working. “Is Nagal still in Madripoor?” Zemo asked.

“Oh, the bread crumbs you can have for free,” Selby’s flirtatious demeanor shifted as she stood to business-like, “But the bakery is gonna cost you, Baron. And before you get all cute, don’t think you can find Nagel without me.”

A sudden vibration tickled my arm from Sam’s suit pocket, it was his cell phone. He pulled it out hesitantly and looked down at it, I glanced over to see that it was Sarah calling.

“Answer it,” Selby ordered, Bucky had moved behind her to give us protection if need be, “On speaker.” The armed bodyguards moved in closer, it was clear we had no say in the matter. Sam unlocked his phone and pressed the speaker button, “Hello?” “Hey, um, we need to talk about this situation,” Sarah’s voice filled the air, sending an all too brief wave of peace through me, “It’s been drivin’ me nuts.”

“What situation exactly are you talkin’ about?” Sam replied stiffly. “Are you high? You know what situation, it’s the only situation me and you have.”

“What situation, Sarah?” Sam’s voice grew louder, “Say it.”

“The damn boat,” Sarah replied just as hard, “And watch your tone, okay? I let you slide at the bank.”

Sarah. The boat. Home. And here I was standing in a designer dress meeting with Indonesian crime bosses. Two unbelievable worlds were colliding on the call.

Sam scoffed and nervously chuckling, “Yeah, the bank. Laundered so much, yeah, they’ll come around.” “If that was the case, then why’d they dog you out, Big Time?”

“Yeah, you damn right I’m Big Time. You’ll see,” Sam paused menacingly, “When I have that banker killed.”

We almost had Selby convinced as I watched her pace around the room, we were so close to- “Cass! What’d I tell you about the Cheerios? I don’t have time for this!” Sarah yelled, “Sam, I’m sorry. Let me call you back, and make sure Y/n is with you too.” “Sam? Y/n?” Selby echoed the names, “Who are you? Kill them!”

A second after she had given the order, a bullet shot through the nearby window and struck her chest fatally. The four of us sprung to action, Sam landing punches on the guard stationed behind us while I used my energy to pull the machine gun from his grasp. Across from us, Bucky took care of the other guard. I handed the weapon to Sam and we took our positions in the back of the room, ready to retaliate against the hidden assassin. “They’re gonna pin this on us,” Sam panted, our backs against the wall.

“We have a real problem now,” Zemo said, unbelievably calm for someone in our situation, “So leave your weapons and follow my lead.” Bucky ripped the lock on the back door and the four of us filed down the staircase quick as we could. It dropped us back off in the middle of the city, we hurriedly made our way down the street where all heads were turning to us. “This is not good,” Zemo hurried. The words hung in the air for a grand total of five seconds before bullets started to rain down around us. Bucky, Sam and I tore down the street where in the chaos, Zemo took off in another direction.

“I can’t run in these heels!” Sam yelled over the gunfire. “Oh, I don’t wanna hear it,” I exclaimed, struggling to keep up with them in my stilettos, “Screw it!”

I threw my hands out to my side and lifted off the ground, keeping low enough to dodge any shots but stay close to Sam and Bucky. Two motorcycles sped after us promising more bounty hunters, Zemo caught up with us and killed two lone gunmen hiding behind a dumpster. Two perfectly aimed bullets came out of nowhere and lodged themselves in the heads of the cyclists chasing us.

“You seem to have a guardian angel,” Zemo observed as the three of us looked around for our savior.

“Well, this is too perfect,” a woman’s voice said, she appeared seconds later drawing back her hood and pointing a gun toward us, “Drop it, Zemo.”

Bucky stepped forward disbelievingly, “Sharon?” Sharon Carter. I recognized her only from the pictures I’d seen of her on the news when the shitstorm that branded her an enemy of the state went down. As she strode forward, ready to strike down the man responsible, I couldn’t say with certainty if she was an ally or not. “You cost me everything,” she seethed.

“Sharon, wait,” Sam, ever the steady presence, held a hand out and carefully came towards her, “Someone recreated the super-soldier serum and Zemo had a lead.” “Well, that explains why you guys are here and Selby’s dead.”

“So what are you doing here?” Bucky asked.

“I stole Steve’s shield, remember?” she answered, her face contorting, “I also took the wings for your ass,” she aimed her gun at Sam, “So that you could save his ass,” then at Bucky, “From his ass,” the gun landed on me after Zemo, “Your ass is new.” “I’ve had one hell of an initiation, trust me,” I replied, standing my ground between Bucky and Zemo.

Sharon turned back towards Sam, “Unlike you, I didn’t have the Avengers to back me up so I’m off the grid in Madripoor.”

“Don’t blow that smoke at me, I was on the run, too,” Sam recalled. “Was. Is. Big difference. I don’t speak to my family anymore,” Sharon shook her head sadly, “I can’t. My own father doesn’t know where I am.”

“Listen, Sharon,” Bucky stepped forward, “We need your help. Please.” Sharon mirthlessly chuckled to herself, sighing afterwards as she made her decision. “This isn’t over. I have a place in High Town, you should be safe there for a while.”

While Sam roughly shoved Zemo forward to keep him in his line of sight, Bucky pressed a gentle hand to the small of my back to act as a guide through the dark alleyways. “You okay?” he asked quietly, quickly looking over at me. With everything he’d gone through in the last twenty minutes, the fight in the bar, the unshed tears in his eyes, Zemo talking about him like he was property to be traded, I couldn’t understand why he was asking if I was alright. He was what I was concerned with right now. “I will be once I get out of these shoes,” I joked, trying to get him to smile if at all possible. A corner of his lips turned upwards in a blink-and-you’d-miss-it flash, mine doing the same right after in some sort of relief.

Sharon led us to her car parked down a different alley, Sam shoved Zemo in the front seat while him, Bucky and I squeezed in the backseat once again. The difference between Low Town and High Town was visceral, Madripoor may have been dangerous no matter where you went but High Town provided a little more safety. When we arrived at Sharon’s house, greeted by two burly guards, the feeling of protection increased. The first room we entered was filled with artwork, statues and other priceless works that told us exactly what Sharon had done to afford her lifestyle in High Town.

“Looks like breaking all those laws is treating you well,” Sam commented as we walked through the room.

“Well, I thought if I had to hustle, might as well enjoy the life of a real hustler,” Sharon shrugged, far too goodheartedly for a true criminal, “You know how much I can get for a real Monet?” Sam grinned at his friend, “Deactivate your hustle mood, you sell fake Monets.”

“No, she means real,” Zemo corrected, “This gallery is specialized in stolen artwork. Monet. Van Gogh. Classics.” “I kinda thought that was implied,” I said, following Sharon and Zemo and beginning to relax in the shockingly calm environment, “No offense.” Sharon scoffed, “None taken, a girl’s gotta do what she can to survive. By the way, who are you?”

“Y/n Y/l/n,” I answered, “Sam’s sister.” “Hmm,” Sharon hummed, looking me over once before turning around to hurry Sam and Bucky along, “Come on, you guys need to change. I’m hosting clients in an hour. You,” she pointed to me, “Second door on your left, I’ll bring something up for you.” At the promise of shedding the over exposing dress and blistering heels, I had never moved faster in my life.

————

I took the opportunity to catch my breath while I could, the night had been a little too exciting than any of us had wanted. Sitting on the edge of Sharon’s bed with my elbows balanced on my knees, I felt the adrenaline rush I’d been running on start to subside.

The door opened, bringing in Sharon and her garment of choice. “This looked like it would fit you,” she said, tossing me a black jumpsuit that looked ten times more comfortable than what I was in. She walked over to her wardrobe and pulled out an outfit for herself, “I gotta change too, back to back?” “Works for me,” I replied, turning around and beginning to unzip the dress.

“So you said you’re Sam’s sister but your last name isn’t Wilson?” Sharon asked, I could hear the sound of her clothes hitting the floor.

“We grew up together,” I freed myself of the dress and kicked it to the corner of the room.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here though,” she said, “This is probably the shittiest family road trip you could go on so clearly there’s a reason.” I looked over to the wardrobe, a pair of black boots sitting on the floor next to it. I used my energy to levitate them and landed them at Sharon’s side. Her dry chuckle served as her reaction. “I kinda begged him to bring me,” I explained as I pulled the jumpsuit up my body, “He was going to send me back home before John Walker decided to not so subtly threaten me with the Sokovian Accords, figured I’d be safer here with them.” “Safer?” Sharon scoffed, “Did he say this before or after you were being shot at by bounty hunters?”

“Well, between getting shipped off to jail and going undercover with a superhero and a Super Soldier as protection, I’ll take my chances here.” I heard Sharon walk away, presumably finished dressing. I zipped up the suit and tightened the belt, turning around after to find her leaned up against her dresser with her hands in her pockets. “Look, I know we just met but let me do you a favor and shed some light on the subject of heroics. It’s all bullshit. The whole costume, nickname, swoop-in-and-save-the-day act is all hypocrisy. I get that you’re young, you’ve got,” she waved a hand at mine, “Whatever that is. Maybe you want to do some good, maybe you just want to feel like you’re a part of something. Maybe you didn’t think it through at all and just thought it would be cool to run with a superhero. But if you’re smart, you’ll get your ass on a plane to anywhere but here and stay clear of all this.”

There was so much going through my head that I wanted to throw back at her, proving her speech completely wrong. Then I remembered that this woman had sacrificed more than most had and the government had turned their backs on her. She’d stuck her neck out for Steve and Sam and had been punished for it. Plus, she was kind enough to give us refuge when she had every right now to. I wasn’t in a place to criticize her. If anything, she should have been a cautionary tale. “I’ve had these powers all my life and have never known what to do with them,” I responded, “I want to help people and this is the best way for me to do that. As easy as it would be for some people to walk away, this is personal and I can’t leave now.” Sharon stared back at me silently before pushing herself off the dresser and brushing past me. There were layers of her expression, if I could peel each one back I thought I might get to the sadness I suspected she felt regarding her current life status. She opened her wardrobe, pulled out a pair of combat boots and handed them to me. “Then take a step back and ask yourself how far you’re willing to go. And if the three of you live long enough to get there, is it going to be worth the hell that’ll come afterwards?” She gave me a half smile before leaving the room, her heavy words hanging in the air. Steve had been my friend, Sam was my brother and Bucky was quickly climbing the ranks of people I cared about. I was going to see this through to the end with them, but what was the end? Was it retrieving the rest of the serum and stopping the Flag Smashers? Was it only two of us returning? One? None? Questions I didn’t have the answers to swirled in my mind as I stared at the door, wondering what awaited us for the rest of the night.

----

A/N: Next chapter is going to be...let’s just say there’s gonna be a lot of developments. A lot. Hope you guys are enjoying it, let me know what you thought or if you’d like to be tagged.

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#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes imagine #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x platonic!reader #marvel imagine

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